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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Working on my daughters birthday... AIBU?

196 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 06/12/2018 23:12

Somehow I've cocked up my annual leave requests and I don't have my daughters birthday off work. It's in 4 weeks time. Work could easily give me the day off but they won't because it's over the Xmas period and they've already got "too many staff off". This is bollocks as we're overstaffed anyway and it'll be dead, they're just being bloody awkward.
I'm seriously thinking about handing my notice in. If it wasn't for the financial side of things I already would have as I've been sick of it for ages. Also, my daughter is an extremely sensitive soon to be 7 year old (she has ASD) who would be devestated if I wasn't there on her birthday AIBU?

OP posts:

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 07/12/2018 09:08

OP - I do hope you are not going to put pressure on a colleague to swap already booked and maybe long-standing leave. That just wouldn't be fair.

And I absolutely abhor the suggestion up thread to pretend you are taking the child to hospital or are ill yourself. All tempting fate and should never be done.

MrsGollach · 07/12/2018 09:11

YABEU, get your priorities right. I've never heard such nonsense.

Sirzy · 07/12/2018 09:13

Surely working as a temp is going to bring uncertainty for her long term? She won’t know if your working or not day to day.

Use the month to get a fun time planned for her around your working hours

CherryPavlova · 07/12/2018 09:14

How to grow an entitled child level 1.
Law of averages suggests most parents work on their children’s birthdays. Most children are at school on their birthday. It doesn’t stop the world going around.
Celebrate it at the weekend. Have a birthday stocking for the morning of the actual day. Make a small ‘on the day’ cake as well as a bigger one for the weekend.
Children’s needs first does or mean children need to learn the world revolves entirely around them.

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 09:17

OP - I do hope you are not going to put pressure on a colleague to swap already booked and maybe long-standing leave. That just wouldn't be fair.

There's no harm in asking if someone will swap. I'd be happy to in these circumstances if I could.

Hersetta427 · 07/12/2018 09:19

Would you not have to work a 4 week notice period anyway. Frankly resigning is childish. As a working fill time Mum I have never been with either of my kids on their birthday unless it happens to fall on a weekend. They both seen mentally undamaged.

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 09:21

How to grow an entitled child level 1.

I hardly think booking time off to spend time with your child on their birthday is going to cause a child to be entitled. It's one day a year. Good parenting all year round will make sure this doesn't happen.

BlackrockMum · 07/12/2018 09:37

YABU. And you will be there on her b'day, just not all day. make special plans in advance and she wont think its odd at all. Say things like - I cant wait for her special birthday brecky with presents before you head off to work, then whatever child care do you usually have in place? maybe something special can be arranged there? my ds used to hate not being able to go to his afterschool when birthday was an off day, as they always did a special cake. Then when you get home a special birthday tea she can pick whatever she wants, and a movie or whatever, I believe if you put a very positive spin on something the kids just think its fab. the chats all about what she wants for her special breakfast or tea or whatever not the few hours normal life your at work.

IamSusan · 07/12/2018 09:47

no wonder some employers look down at mothers and don't take them seriously.

Having an employee throw a tantrum because they feel entitled to a day off for no valid reason, and then throw a sickie because their request had to be denied, what an amazing way to be taken seriously.

Nothing wrong with taking a day off especially when the kids happen to be off school that day if it's during half term, but this is ridiculous.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 07/12/2018 10:07

I can see why you're upset but honestly you should just go to work. Maybe ask if you can leave early and make the time up elsewhere. Sorry haven't read through the whole thread but is she in school on her birthday? Sometimes she will be, so it won't always be possible to spend the whole day together anyway.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 07/12/2018 10:13

My child is not entitled in the slightest, despite us spending one important day a year together

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 07/12/2018 10:14

The OP has said she won't take a sickie.

Is unpaid leave for the day affordable for you?

If so you could ask for that as it's a special occasion? (or whatever words are in your leave policy).

Ginseng1 · 07/12/2018 10:22

The only time I took day off for child's bday was for my pfb first birthday & that was cos my mil n sil announced they were comming to help celebrate . It hadn't entered my head as I only work 3 days so don't like taking random days. Over the years have been off/on kids been in childcare r with Dh whatever. We always go all out with parties for them at the w/e following or before they don't miss out!

Lovemusic33 · 07/12/2018 10:28

Most kids go to school on there birthdays, your dd is lucky that he birthday falls during school holidays, she will spend many birthdays with you and maybe some without. Most kids except that they can’t have their parents home on their birthdays and that they have to wait to the weekend for a trip out (go out to eat, cinema, party etc..). Just explain it to your daughter, you can give her a present before work, have a birthday cake when you get home and then take her out somewhere special at the weekend. I think YABU to ask for a day off, think of those who have 5 or 6 kids, if they asked for a day off every time it was a child’s birthday their boss would get pretty pissed off?

Lweji · 07/12/2018 10:30

My child is not entitled in the slightest, despite us spending one important day a year together

It's not as much as spending it together, as making such a huge deal out of it that you'd be prepared to quit work, or that your child would be upset if you didn't.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/12/2018 10:32

I think resigning would be silly, look for a better job by all means, but resigning without one will put you in a precarious financial position, surely?

Being asked to find your own swap is really common. Does anyone owe you a favour? You need to politely ask everyone, explain why, offer to work an unpopular shift in exchange. Surely someone will sway you for a shift like Christmas eve? In future, try to accommodate anyone wanting to swap so you have some favours built up for emergencies.

Otherwise can someone else celebrate with your dd while you are at work? Our childminder will have a little tea party with cake and balloons if she has any kids on their birthday. Or can her dad take the day off? Then you can do something before or after work.

Whisky2014 · 07/12/2018 10:38

Id just tell her her bday is the previous or next day. Go to work then celebrate..

Lovemusic33 · 07/12/2018 10:43

A 7 year old would know what day her birthday is, OP doesn’t have to tell her it’s on another day, she just has to say ‘sorry mummy has to work, we will do something special at the weekend’. She can still celebrate before and after work, in a way it’s better as her birthday will last longer.

sockunicorn · 07/12/2018 10:52

this may sound stupid but shes 7 so i doubt she regularly checks her calendar. Also we all lose track of dates/days over the christmas holiday so i dont see why a 7 year old would perfectly know what day/date it was. why not start at the beginning of the week saying "its monday today" when its really sunday, and continue on until she thinks her birthday is on your day off? if that makes sense.

mumofmunchkin · 07/12/2018 10:56

Given that the reason management have given for refusal is that there are already too many staff off, I very much doubt a request for unpaid leave would be approved as they would be in exactly the same situation. They have said that the OP needs to swap so that they have the same number of staff in.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 07/12/2018 12:15

Does no one read the thread? The child has ASD and a very high awareness of dates and times.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 07/12/2018 12:17

No people don’t read the thread. They just think that because their kids don’t know what day it is and/or they wouldn’t care if they worked on their birthday that should be the same for the op.

cancla · 07/12/2018 12:36

i dont see why a 7 year old would perfectly know what day/date it was

Because they are 7 years, not 7 months.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 07/12/2018 12:41

Oh come on, show me a [nearly] seven year old who isn't counting the minutes until their birthday! She'll know exactly when it is.

OP WHat about filling in a job application. "Reason for Leaving"...?

Sirzy · 07/12/2018 12:56

Ds is autistic and knows much better than most when it comes to times and dates.

If I was the OP I would use her ability to know times and dates to help her plan things and understand when she will be at work but what will happen then.

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