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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working on my daughters birthday... AIBU?

196 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 06/12/2018 23:12

Somehow I've cocked up my annual leave requests and I don't have my daughters birthday off work. It's in 4 weeks time. Work could easily give me the day off but they won't because it's over the Xmas period and they've already got "too many staff off". This is bollocks as we're overstaffed anyway and it'll be dead, they're just being bloody awkward.
I'm seriously thinking about handing my notice in. If it wasn't for the financial side of things I already would have as I've been sick of it for ages. Also, my daughter is an extremely sensitive soon to be 7 year old (she has ASD) who would be devestated if I wasn't there on her birthday Sad AIBU?

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 07/12/2018 07:00

Except for my 50th I work on my birthday. My sister is a teaching assistant and she has to work on her daughter's birthday.

JellySlice · 07/12/2018 07:12

Don't be ridiculous! The world does not revolve around a child's birthday. Around anybody's birthday, for that matter.

Willyoubuymeahouseofgold · 07/12/2018 07:19

YABU
Why do you need a day off? Isn't she at school? Most people go about their business and celebrate before and after the usual day / on the weekend.
Far too precious !

Youmadorwhat · 07/12/2018 07:22

Yabu I was in Australia for my 4 year olds birthday and I didn’t get home until 10 days after. She was fine with it, i think hading in your notice is very extreme!!

dippledorus · 07/12/2018 07:27

God I must be a shit parent because I’ve never taken a day off for my kids birthdays.

You have 4 weeks to prepare her. Start working on it. That was always going to be unsustainable.

FrostyMoanyWind · 07/12/2018 07:31

We've shifted DC2's birthday before as DH was away. We told her it was the day after he got back. The hardest thing was keeping the grandparents away on her actual birthday. They tried to FaceTime to tell her it was that day and not the following. But she was younger and in the idolising DH phase and had no idea of the days of the week or concept of tomorrow vs day after tomorrow.

At 7, you have more of a chance to explain. Special breakfast/ dinner with a present on the actual day and then a "second" birthday the following weekend. Tbh, I thought everyone did this.

Tiredemma · 07/12/2018 07:32

I'm sssuming that she won't be spending the entire day alone? Can't you do something special on the evening or something?

Resigning is a bit extreme.

Petalflowers · 07/12/2018 07:33

I’m sorry But you are being unreasonable. You know when your daughters birthday is and you could have easily taken the time off. You are not entitled to the day off because it’s your dd’s birthday. Not sure i’ve ever taken a day of either.

You can celebrate her birthday in the evening (like most people do), the weekend before or afterwards etc.

Or see if anyone will swop their holiday with you.

ALemonyPea · 07/12/2018 07:35

Does she know the exact day it's on? If not, make it the next day you're off following the actual day.

As a parent of a child with SN, anxiety is hard to deal with, and you do feel you need to do everything in your power to prevent an anxiety attack. Sometimes it's just not possible, and that's also ok.

Heratnumber7 · 07/12/2018 07:35

You'd leave work because you can't be home on your 7 year old's birthday???Shock

It's time you both grew up. There are kids up and down the land who have working parents and/or who are at school on their birthday.

It's about time DD realises life isn't a bed of roses.

Sirzy · 07/12/2018 07:36

At least with a months notice you have plenty of time to put in place plans with her to make sure she is happy and knows what is happening. Plan a special day out for when you are off over the period

Livinglavidal0ca · 07/12/2018 07:38

Can't you just say her birthday is at the weekend or something!? Celebrate it early or late then wake her up on her actual birthday and she can go out with dad?

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2018 07:38

Perhaps she could come and meet you on your lunch break. Make it seem like an adventure.

Lweji · 07/12/2018 07:40

OP, it's not an issue unless you make it an issue.

You, as a parent, are the one who created the expectation that you'd be home for her birthday.
So, prepare her for the fact that you won't be this time. Transfer the celebration to another date. Loads of us do that.

Lovemusic33 · 07/12/2018 07:42

My dd’s are usually at school for their birthdays so I have never had to ask for a day off work, we don’t do much for birthdays, present before school and cake after and then a trip out the following weekend, both my dd’s have ASD and to them it’s all about presents, they don’t care less if I’m there or not.

TwoGinScentedTears · 07/12/2018 07:43

It doesn't really matter what other people think, or what they do for their kids birthday. If it's important to you and her, it's important.

Can you ask again, perhaps offering to cover another shift on a day that you've booked off, or ask for unpaid leave?

You could commit the worst sin ever of course and have a 24 hour bug on her birthday.....

Lweji · 07/12/2018 07:43

The only time it mattered for me not to be at work for ds's birthday was his actual birth day. The rest is just a celebration. Not worth quitting a job for.

ZenNudist · 07/12/2018 07:44

Yanbu. Just celebrate afterwards.

whenwillthetwitchstrike · 07/12/2018 07:46

One of those posts where MN seems a parallel universe to real life. Whilst your daughter's birthday is important, isn't it more important to be able to feed her, clothe her, buy her presents.

ScreamingValenta · 07/12/2018 07:49

Why don't you see if someone will swap?

Or, could you see if they'll let you have a half day?

Or, could you offer to work it back as TOIL (I know not all workplaces do TOIL so might not be an option).

I don't think it's something to resign over in itself, but if you were thinking of leaving anyway, I can see how this would be the final nail in the coffin.

anniehm · 07/12/2018 07:49

Just do special things in the evening/have a birthday weekend like happens for kids whose birthday is on a school day. If you hate your job by all means quit but don't do it because of her birthday. My daughter has asd and I've learned that you can't give them unrealistic expectations that the world always fits around them - she's older now and we don't give her special treatment, because the world doesn't change for her, she had to learn to accept change (hard)!

Biker47 · 07/12/2018 07:50

Yeah, I can't even remember my parents taking days off for my birthday, they almost certainly didn't. And guess what, in a few years time your kids wont remember or care either way if you did or didn't as well.

gerispringer · 07/12/2018 07:54

What would you be doing on her birthday that you couldn’t do on the nearest weekend? Sounds a bit nuts to me as well.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/12/2018 07:54

Call in to say you're taking her to the hospital. Fuck it, it's one day same as any other for work, and far more important for her and you.

Yeah I mean they won't find that at all suspicious and ask for proof considering OP asked for leave.

This is OPs problem not work. She mucked up AL request.

Original poster
OhWhatAPalaver · 07/12/2018 08:02

Op here. To clarify, my dd has ASD. She knows what day it is every day. She knows the date and time and exactly what is happening on each day. She needs this for her reassurance. She knows what date her birthday is and she is an intelligent girl who will not be convinced by me telling her it's a different day.
I know it was my mistake but we have a new AL booking system and god knows its ridiculous. I honestly don't know if it was declined or missed somehow so I'm going to investigate today and trawl through old emails to check it actually was my fault.
I can't pull a sticky as I'd be fired . My job is causing me a lot of stress anyway (not the job itself, poor management and my own health issues) and I do want to leave but preferably not before I find something else.
I have offered to work a different day but management said I need to find someone to swap with. Fairly impossible when we don't get our rota until the very last minute at the moment. I don't know why they can't just put my in on a Wed's instead of a Fri. The new management have cocked up the rota for the last two weeks running. I'm in the NHS but in community admin so it's a not a front line job. This is just another thing in a long line of reasons why I want to leave.

OP posts:
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