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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working on my daughters birthday... AIBU?

196 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 06/12/2018 23:12

Somehow I've cocked up my annual leave requests and I don't have my daughters birthday off work. It's in 4 weeks time. Work could easily give me the day off but they won't because it's over the Xmas period and they've already got "too many staff off". This is bollocks as we're overstaffed anyway and it'll be dead, they're just being bloody awkward.
I'm seriously thinking about handing my notice in. If it wasn't for the financial side of things I already would have as I've been sick of it for ages. Also, my daughter is an extremely sensitive soon to be 7 year old (she has ASD) who would be devestated if I wasn't there on her birthday Sad AIBU?

OP posts:
tillytrotter1 · 07/12/2018 13:00

I was never off work for my children's birthdays but they survived, I was a teacher, the universal baby-sitter, would you expect your child's teacher to take time off for such a trivial reason? It's hardly a unique event.

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 13:33

no wonder some employers look down at mothers and don't take them seriously.

Oh dear. Well if we are going to be stereotyping, should men not be taken seriously because many want to take a day off when there's important football or cricket on that they want to watch.

OP would like to spend the day with her daughter on her birthday. You may all see this as a 'trivial' reason but it's important to OP. Her daughter has ASD and part of that is that she is very aware of what day/date it is that gives her reassurance.

It may seem extreme to consider resigning but OP has stated she is very unhappy in her position so she isn't considering leaving solely because of the birthday. You may feel she's being unreasonable and can say that, it's AIBU afterall but to to so dismissive of OP calling it 'nonsense' and telling her that she will raise an 'entitled' daughter is a bit too much. Comparing your children without ASD to OPs daughter who has is irrelevant.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 07/12/2018 13:41

Massively disproportionate response to quit your job. Sure, it’s disappointing you won’t be around for her birthday, but in the nicest possible way, you will just have to deal with it. Resigning when you are not really in a position to do so is clearly not the answer as it creates more problems that it solves. It’s a simple matter of prioritizing life demands.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 07/12/2018 13:59

Don’t quite your job.

Use this experience to set her expectations for the years ahead. At some point she’s going to be at secondary school and then uni and working, she may not be able to book her own birthday off.

I appreciate she has ASD but you cannot guarantee this every single year until she is a grown up and beyond.

Resigning would be ridiculous unless you don’t need the money.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2018 14:05

If it was that important to the OP she should have been more careful when booking her annual leave.

Pinkblanket · 07/12/2018 14:09

I usually book a half day off so I can pick my children up from school on their birthdays and so we can go out for tea reasonably early. I know lots of people that do this.

Foamybanana93 · 07/12/2018 14:13

Why can’t you just do a shift swap with someone else at work ?

Cath2907 · 07/12/2018 14:19

Just tell her her birthday is on a different day? My soon to be 8 year old wouldn't know it was her birthday on X day unless I told her! She knows it is "after Xmas" and "end of January" but she doesn't know what the date is today so wouldn't know when we got to the date of her birthday!

AndBabyMakes3 · 07/12/2018 14:35

@TheDisillusionedAnarchist Flowers

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 14:38

If it was that important to the OP she should have been more careful when booking her annual leave.

If only everyone was as perfect as you and didn't make mistakes. 🙄

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 14:39

Just tell her her birthday is on a different day

If you read the thread you will see that this wouldn't work. OPs child has ASD and is very aware of dates/times.

myotherbagisgucci · 07/12/2018 14:45

Just ring in sick and tell them you've got the shits! 💩

ilovesooty · 07/12/2018 14:45

I never said I was perfect and didn't make mistakes. Try reading what I said not what you thought I said.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2018 14:47

Oh another one who thinks lying about being ill is the answer when you don't get your own way...

And tbf that suggestion comes from others not the OP.

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 14:51

ilovesooty

I did read it properly. It was a shitty comment to make and served no purpose but to make OP feel worse. Well done.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2018 14:56

Please yourself. I still never said I was perfect and didn't make mistakes. I don't care much anyway about the opinion of someone who thinks that lying to their employer about being ill is an acceptable solution.

knockknockknock · 07/12/2018 14:57

Has OP actually replied to the many questions asking who is looking after her daughter on the day?

ChilliMum · 07/12/2018 14:57

My ds is 8. I was at work until 8pm on his birthday. I felt absolutely sick about it.

He said it was his best birthday ever!

On his birthday we opened presents before school and then when I got home from work we toasted his birthday with sparkling grape juice and cake.

The next day we had his birthday tea - his choice of dinner eaten together with grandparents.

The day after we had a party with a few of his friends.

I know it's not the same situation as your daughter has sn but could you try something similar maybe starting with a surprise the day before and then having her birthday across a number of days?

stopinthenameoflove · 07/12/2018 15:00

I've always worked on my kids birthday if a weekday . hopefully they won't need to go into therapy Hmm

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 15:00

ilovesooty

I will please myself. You may not care about my opinion, I don't care about someones opinion who spends their time making people feel worse than they already do. Ask Santa for a little compassion in your stocking this year.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2018 15:11

Well that's ok. We know where we stand. Perhaps if Santa isn't too busy he could put a little integrity in your stocking while he's at it.

Perfectly1mperfect · 07/12/2018 15:19

Maybe 😂 Obviously I'm such a terrible person though that I'll probably just get a lump of coal. Wink

nomorearsingmermaids · 07/12/2018 15:24

Going against the grain here but I always take annual leave on DS's birthday, my birthday and DH's birthday.

And when I was line managing I always let my staff have their children's birthdays off, if they wanted them and there was enough cover.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2018 15:27

Apparently in this case though too many people are off already.

Vedette89 · 07/12/2018 15:51

YABVU.
You made a mistake and booked the wrong day off, I'm not sure why that's your employer's fault.
My parents never had any of our birthdays off and I can't recall anyone I know doing so either.