Working on my daughters birthday... AIBU?

[OhWhatAPalaver]

Somehow I've cocked up my annual leave requests and I don't have my daughters birthday off work. It's in 4 weeks time. Work could easily give me the day off but they won't because it's over the Xmas period and they've already got "too many staff off". This is bollocks as we're overstaffed anyway and it'll be dead, they're just being bloody awkward.
I'm seriously thinking about handing my notice in. If it wasn't for the financial side of things I already would have as I've been sick of it for ages. Also, my daughter is an extremely sensitive soon to be 7 year old (she has ASD) who would be devestated if I wasn't there on her birthday AIBU?

My OH is a manager, even if he has too many people off, he would do everything he could to accommodate OPs situation. Luckily he and the company he works for believe that you get more dedicated and loyal staff if you help them out where possible. OP has stated that there will be plenty of people in to cope with workload.

Your attitude is appalling. You made the mistake but are blaming work.

Yabu sorry. My dd with ASD is about to turn 7 and will be at school on her birthday. We will go out for dinner after I finish work.

Tbf she will be ok with it. I do of course do what I can to keep her anxiety at bay. However it's not always possible, and assuming you will still have time together near her birthday, I'd stick to working.

OP has stated that there will be plenty of people in to cope with workload.

OP isn’t management; she doesn’t manage the rota or the shifts, so her idea of plenty of people and their ability to cope is different from management, as they have already stated too many are off, and irrelevant.

As a manager I want to get the best out of my crew and help them where I can, but it isn’t always possible.

My OH is a manager, even if he has too many people off, he would do everything he could to accommodate OPs situation. Luckily he and the company he works for believe that you get more dedicated and loyal staff if you help them out where possible. OP has stated that there will be plenty of people in to cope with workload.

Well that is all fantastic, however this isn't possible and it isn't the managers fault. OP messed up holiday dates.

I’m amazed that anyone would allow a child to have their birthday off school every year.

Be amazed. It's really not that amazing though, it happens quite a lot. I'm a teacher and I'm more than happy for DS to be off on his birthday. Perhaps when he's in secondary school he'll want to go in, but I doubt it. Birthdays are special. Life is short.

Well that is all fantastic, however this isn't possible and it isn't the managers fault. OP messed up holiday dates.

But the point is OP believes it is possible. She stated:

I've been in this job 6 years. It's always dead over Xmas because all the clinicians we deal with are off. It's all routine non urgent things. Not like a gp or A&E or anything. And the admin trickles down to almost nothing. We've just got loads of new staff and me and my colleagues are already twiddling our thumbs wondering what we are supposed to do with the day.

It sounds like the managers could offer a bit of good will but are choosing not to.

But the point is OP believes it is possible.

That’s irrelevant. She isn’t management. She doesn’t understand the realities of managing a group of people and ensuring everything is covered, so of course she thinks it possible because she wants it to be.

It sounds like the managers could offer a bit of good will but are choosing not to.

No, it sounds like OP is blaming work for her fuck up and expecting them to fix it. They can’t magic people out of thin air; too many people are off and they can’t afford any more. That’s really all there is to it.

That’s irrelevant. She isn’t management. She doesn’t understand the realities of managing a group of people and ensuring everything is covered, so of course she thinks it possible because she wants it to be.

Do you mean to be so patronising? Is it a natural talent or do you have to really try ? Often management do not know the job as well as the team doing the job. And OP has stated the management is new so they'll know even less probably.

It really does make me realise what a great company my OH works for and how fortunate I have been with my own managers for the most part in the past.

But the point is OP believes it is possible

Not her decision to make.

OP made a mistake that she needs to own rather than blaming everyone else.

Do you mean to be so patronising? Is it a natural talent or do you have to really try ? Often management do not know the job as well as the team doing the job. And OP has stated the management is new so they'll know even less probably.

There was no intent to be patronising. I don’t know about where OP works, but where I work you can’t just walk into management; you have to have stated at the bottom and worked you way up, and you don’t become a manager until you know the job inside out.

As a manager, there are factors you need to consider and situations to be analysed that crew or staff won’t even realise. It’s not easy making sure the ship runs smoothly.

It really does make me realise what a great company my OH works for and how fortunate I have been with my own managers for the most part in the past.

I have won awards as a manager as I put my crew first and always consider their needs. That doesn’t mean they always get what they want though; if there are too many people off, there’s nothing to be done.

Not her decision to make.
OP made a mistake that she needs to own rather than blaming everyone else.

It's not her decision, no, but she's allowed an opinion. She's allowed to feel disappointed. As I said earlier, I think it's fine to say she's being unreasonable as she's posted on AIBU but some of the things posted here have been horrible and clearly written by someone trying to make OP feel worse than she does. What's the point. Many have said she's unreasonable and made a suggestion of how to go forward, which is obviously completely fine.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue

Awards...wow. I just wonder how much real respect and loyalty your team have for you with an attitude and management style like yours though. It sounds very much like there's you(who knows everything) and them(who know fuck all in your opinion). That tends not to go down do well with people. Oh well, enjoy polishing your awards.

Good grief. So many people who don’t rtt.

OP, it’s crappy that this mix up has happened. If the mistake was yours, don’t beat yourself up, everyone makes mistakes. Being a parent of a child with ASD is all consuming, you have to think 17 steps ahead at all times to try and predict/prevent potential fallout. Maintaining 100% for 100% of the time is impossible.

I like the idea of two birthdays/special days. Hopefully that’ll go down well.

We are very lucky, our ten and eight year olds with ASD haven’t a clue what the date is, and therefore can’t keep tabs on when their birthdays are. Our own father recently said at a family meal ‘wasn’t it marvellous that all of your birthdays all fell on a Saturday every year when you were young’ - not one of us had ever realised 😂
Our 5 year old though, she knows how many seconds it is until her birthday and also her siblings, and she tells them.

Hope you find a new job soon

Only read 1 page...
However I don't get the need for a day off on your birthday and it was not in my nature to encourage this with my DC, they always went to school on their Birthdays and DH & I went to work. Sometimes we did presents before school, but more likely in the evening.

DH was not always in the country, but his work trips could not be scheduled around the DC birthdays.

One of my DC is SN so that is not an excuse.

I have colleagues who complain loudly if they are expected to work on their birthday, but don't see the need to book the day off in advance.

Fwiw I wouldn't have a problem if dd were in school. It's the fact that she's off and I didn't request leave early enough. I didn't realise that 4th January would come under "Xmas" holidays when they're normally back at school.
I get what people are saying about not resigning, I won't. I'm not going to put my family in financial jeapordy but I really really need to leave my job. Over the last year we have lost so many staff, people are sick to death of it. We managed for a long time being very understaffed but now they have taken on about ten people all at once. Too many staff now. The management have never done my job, they don't know what it involves and I've not even met them yet. Even the new admin staff can see how shit it is.
I will hopefully find out next week if I can swap with someone or not. I'm obviously not going to pressure people, I'm just going to ask politely.
Interestingly I discovered today that other staff members have been swapping shifts without having to find someone to cover as relief admin have just been rota'd in instead. Honestly, the management are awful and have very little clue of what is actually happening at our level.

OhWhatAPalaver

Your workplace and management sounds chaotic. Hopefully you can swap with someone and then have a lovely day with your daughter on her birthday. And then get looking for something else as its not great to feel so unhappy in your job when you spend so much time there. I hope it all works out.

Pull a sickie.

Thank you Perfectly1mperfect your messages have been really helpful and kind. I feel a bit calmer now, I just really don't want to let my daughter down. I hope I won't have to.

Awards...wow. I just wonder how much real respect and loyalty your team have for you with an attitude and management style like yours though. It sounds very much like there's you(who knows everything) and them(who know fuck all in your opinion)

Perfectly1mperfect Considering they put my forward for these awards they have a lot of respect and loyalty for me. They go out of their way to help me, just as I do them. However, as I have said, sometimes it just isn’t possible.

My management style isn’t authoritative. I frequently involve my team in decision making, implement their ideas and take their comments on board.

I certainly don’t know everything - a good leader admits they are not infallible and there’s always room to learn and grow. You can learn a lot off your team. I do however know how to manage my team and shifts effectively because I have had extensive training and qualifications in doing so, which my team lack.

You seem to be under the impression that being told “too many staff are off on that day” and not always being able to accommodate your teams requests means you don’t care about them, which is really very telling of your own situation and rather unfortunate for you.