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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give MIL a big waxy cock for Christmas?

227 replies

FestiveSchlong · 05/12/2018 20:27

My family don’t have a lot of money and I’m quite crafty so I do home made presents a lot of the time. This year I thought it would be a nice idea to make a little hamper of home-made luxuries like truffles, soaps and bath bombs, and scented candles.

We all love Game of Thrones, so I thought it would be cool to make white candles with a blood red centre, and then carve it to look like one of the weirwood trees. So I made a lot of red, cinnamon scented wax and poured it into Molds made out of bog roll tubes.

The results were a bit lumpen, but not awful, but then I started coating the red wax with the white and now they look like a load of big pink veiny willies. Do you think I can salvage them? Or should I just give as is and pretend they’re meant to be erotic candles? They smell really nice but look horrible.

To give MIL a big waxy cock for Christmas?
OP posts:
Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 05/12/2018 20:40

Definitely jars autumncrow whatever you do don't just stick it on a plate!

mrsseashell · 05/12/2018 20:42

GrinGrinGrinGrin

Looks a bit like bone marrow

RayRayBidet · 05/12/2018 20:42

@Needcoffeecoffeecoffee
Lol!

PCPlumsTruncheon · 05/12/2018 20:42

I can count my number of sexual partners on both hands but I’ve never seen a knob shaped like that.

RayRayBidet · 05/12/2018 20:43

Seriously my husband is away and now the cat is giving me funny looks

TheFirstOHN · 05/12/2018 20:43

They look very... meaty.

Bierss · 05/12/2018 20:44

Arf. Buff respect to you OP.

And Theyprobablywill

Reminds me of the episode in Father Ted where they made candles out of Father Jack's ear wax - ha ha ha ha. Yes! Totally agree.

MozzieMagnet · 05/12/2018 20:44

Well, normally I can fix things with a good old dollop of silver glitterglue.
Not in this case festive spunk for jizzmas

Alicatz66 · 05/12/2018 20:45

Crying with laughter !!
I agree they look like some kind of hideous dog treats ... bin em and get everyone a chocolate orange

RayRayBidet · 05/12/2018 20:45

@MozzieMagnet
Grin

Bierss · 05/12/2018 20:46

Oh god OP, nuff respect, nuff respect! Not buff!

Though both probably appropriate.

CryingMessFFS · 05/12/2018 20:46

They look very... meaty.

No idea but this comment ^^ has me in stitches! And yes, they do look meaty 🤮

NoSpend19 · 05/12/2018 20:46

If you're going with the cocks now you've made them you really need to put heads on them otherwise it looks like mutilated cocks - which to be fair is fairly GoT

PCPlumsTruncheon · 05/12/2018 20:47

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/576025-help-ds1-has-made-a-large-clay-cock

OP it could be worse Smile

Original poster
FestiveSchlong · 05/12/2018 20:48

theyprobablywill I’m so glad I didn’t do yellow candles because that is exactly what they’d look like!

I am loving the optimism that carving a dire wolf into it is going to make it better.

A pic with a flash won’t give you a true representation of the horrible colour these things are. At one point DH came in during the process of putting the white wax on and said “oh wow, you’ve made them look like joints of meat”. Who gives people meaty candles for Xmas, FFS?!!!

Everything is covered in wax and all I’ve got to show for it is a trio of chodes.

OP posts:
keely71 · 05/12/2018 20:48

I am literally crying 😂😂😂😂😂

youmeandconchitawurst · 05/12/2018 20:48

Haven't laughed this much for weeks. Give in good grace and deny everything.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 05/12/2018 20:48

Cockdles?

I think there’s a dragons den idea in there...

MistakenHoliday · 05/12/2018 20:49

Stickig with the GoT theme, could you 'sell' them to her as Reek's severed manhood maybe?

They're amazing, and definitely meaty! 😂

Lollypop701 · 05/12/2018 20:49

Bloody amazing Grin I want one!!! I have no idea why!

category12 · 05/12/2018 20:50

GrinGrin

RayRayBidet · 05/12/2018 20:50

Oh OP, you have really cheered me up. Can't remember the last time I laughed so much!

RoboticMary · 05/12/2018 20:50

GrinGrinGrinThey look absolutely horrific! But good effort!!

PostmanBos · 05/12/2018 20:50

Please carve a direwolf Grin

WinterfellWench · 05/12/2018 20:51

These could not look less like cocks!