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AIBU?

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Original poster

To give MIL a big waxy cock for Christmas?

227 replies

FestiveSchlong · 05/12/2018 20:27

My family don’t have a lot of money and I’m quite crafty so I do home made presents a lot of the time. This year I thought it would be a nice idea to make a little hamper of home-made luxuries like truffles, soaps and bath bombs, and scented candles.

We all love Game of Thrones, so I thought it would be cool to make white candles with a blood red centre, and then carve it to look like one of the weirwood trees. So I made a lot of red, cinnamon scented wax and poured it into Molds made out of bog roll tubes.

The results were a bit lumpen, but not awful, but then I started coating the red wax with the white and now they look like a load of big pink veiny willies. Do you think I can salvage them? Or should I just give as is and pretend they’re meant to be erotic candles? They smell really nice but look horrible.

To give MIL a big waxy cock for Christmas?
OP posts:
Letshopeitsallok · 05/12/2018 22:45

Reminds me of a rugby song

All the nice girls love a candle
All the nice girls love a wick
Because there’s something about a candle
That reminds them of a ....

Well you get the drift of it, I’m not typing the rest out

jackstini · 05/12/2018 22:46

This has made me properly snort out loud!! Grin

Loving the idea of warming them and tweaking when malleable!

They are amazingly marrowbone like
Candles for dogs..?

MotherOfDragonite · 05/12/2018 22:47

They look quite, er... meaty.

In all seriousness, I wouldn't give them as a gift as is. But you could melt them down and end up with a plain pink wax which you could pour into glass jars?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 05/12/2018 22:48

I'd like one of those candles far more than one from a shop.

And love the veins in the enhanced picture. Still don't think they look like cocks, though.

Cocolepew · 05/12/2018 22:51

😂
If anyone actually has a cock like that I'd recommend a visit to their GP tbh

YouTheCat · 05/12/2018 22:52

You can get tablets for that. Grin

Patriciathestripper1 · 05/12/2018 22:54

Bwhahahaha 😂

DarthLipgloss · 05/12/2018 22:55

Op if u don't get a massive waxy cock in my stocking on xmas day im gonna sulk all through 2019.

SantaBabycharly · 05/12/2018 22:55

OP
I would say you were channelling Japanese Raku Tea Bowls , The God’s of nature designed the final shape .
Ps. Auto correct said Raul for Raku Grin

SantaBabycharly · 05/12/2018 22:55

Gods of nature.
Damn autocorrect

KC225 · 05/12/2018 22:58

OP you have six pages of reactions. I smell of nub of a business idea. Now I'll be honest, Jo Malone will not be loosinf any sleep tonight. But what about that Yankee candle business. You say they smell really nice - I'm thinking Wankee Candles.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 05/12/2018 23:01

Maybe you could advertise them as warning candles to all the men who don’t get their wives proper gifts around Christmas- here’s what you’ll get- half a Willy...

I’m laughing so hard at this thread!!

rainbowquack · 05/12/2018 23:01

@KC225 wankee candles Grin

I would love these. My sister and Inhave a tradition of giving awful handmade gifts: the worst one wins.

This year I have a dressed Mumsnet Halloween raven from Argos...

MrsTommyBanks · 05/12/2018 23:03

They are very unique.

Jobbieseverywhere · 05/12/2018 23:06

OP
Your user name is also outstanding!!

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 05/12/2018 23:07

They look like bone marrow. And cocks. All at the same time. I don't know how you've done it.
They're magnificent.

Foggymist · 05/12/2018 23:23

Wankee Candles GrinGrin

riviana · 05/12/2018 23:30

You probably don't care now, but stearin added to the inner (here red) wax raises the melting temperature of the wax. This means it should keep its shape when dipped into the wax (here white) with a lower melting temp.(or at least that was the theory when I studied candle making decades ago)

Stearin, however, is not vegan.

IlikebigbotsandIcannotlie · 05/12/2018 23:39

They’re completely shit and the amusement is 🙄, are we onmumsnet or 12 year old boy net?

delboysskinandblister · 05/12/2018 23:41

I wonder if they will feature on Kirsty's Handmade Christmas. Please OP please Smile

I am mightily impressed at the time you put into making handmade presents given I haven't even written a card out yet [embarrassed]

Original poster
FestiveSchlong · 05/12/2018 23:43
  1. No I didn’t dip the candles in cold water between layers of wax but now that you mention it that seems really obvious. 🤦🏻‍♀️
  2. Nearly choked on my wine when I saw someone did a “Computer... enhance!” on the picture. It really brings out the butcher’s shop window vibe in the image.
  3. People who are saying these look shit are being too kind. Even my children are repulsed.
  4. I might try and salvage them tomorrow somehow... I don’t want to admit defeat and melt the wax into a jar- it would be more aesthetically pleasing but less in line with my unique artistic vision (which is, obviously, way more ambitious than my actual skill).
OP posts:
puzzledlady · 05/12/2018 23:54

Don’t be such a grinch IlikebigbotsandIcannotlie! if you dont find it amusing/funny maybe another thread for you tonight perhaps?

OP - I find this thread throughly amusing and after a very tough day - you have made me laugh. Well done you! I think the candles are hilarious 😂

Excited101 · 05/12/2018 23:54

Gosh! They’re very rustic aren’t they?!

toothfairy73 · 05/12/2018 23:59

@EspressoButler You cannot give someone a wonky veiny cock candle

I think I love you 😂

SusieQ5604 · 06/12/2018 00:04

I think they are hilarious! Would love to hear the laughter at my house when these presents were opened!!!