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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To uninvite somebody from my wedding

259 replies

RedRoss · 18/11/2018 08:34

I'm prepared to get flamed (I think)
My wedding is due to happen in January. To be nice, I invited my mum's longest standing friend and her husband. However they are yet to rsvp.
I don't have a mobile number for the lady but have Facebook messaged her and emailed her. I asked my mum to have a word aswell but so far nothing Confused recently my fiancé has got back in touch with his brother and girlfriend so would like to invite them instead. I feel so stressed about this!

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 18/11/2018 08:35

When is the RSVP date?

orangejuicer · 18/11/2018 08:36

Can't you invite the brother anyway and assume somewhere along the line someone (this random couple possibly) will drop out?

OhTheRoses · 18/11/2018 08:36

Hasn't your mum got a number? Can't you just add the other people?

2cats2many · 18/11/2018 08:36

Did you have a date by which you wanted people to RSVP by on the invite?

You say that you've asked your mum to have a word but so far nothing. What does this mean? Has your mum not spoken to her? Or has she spoken to her but the friend couldn't confirm yet?

PotteringAlong · 18/11/2018 08:37

But no, you can’t uninvite someone because there’s someone else you’ve decided you want more instead.

OriginallyfromLA · 18/11/2018 08:37

Why is it a case of either or?

Bambamber · 18/11/2018 08:37

If it hasn't gone past the RSVP deadline, I think it's very rude to say to someone they are no longer invited as you want to invite someone else instead.

RonSwansonsMustacheComb · 18/11/2018 08:37

Has the RSVP date passed?
If yes, then invite BIL and if the original couple eventually get in touch just say so sorry, we didn't hear back so assumed you couldn't make it and extended the invitation to someone else.

TulipsInbloom1 · 18/11/2018 08:37

What was the rsvp date?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/11/2018 08:38

You’re not really uninvited her, she hasn’t accepted. You can go ahead and invite replacements. Can you only accommodate one couple or the other though? What if her rsvp is lost in the post?

ltk · 18/11/2018 08:39

Obviously you should invite your DF's brother. You cannot uninvite someone, which I think you know. Expand your plans by 2 people. Inevitably, on the day, some people may not attend even if they RSVPed yes.

Littlebird88 · 18/11/2018 08:39

you have to invite your future BIL and partner and just if need be pay for both couples to attend

Original poster
RedRoss · 18/11/2018 08:40

The rsvp is the 10th of December the venue need numbers 14 days before which is the 21st but I have a meeting with them on the 24th so will give final numbers then.
It's a case of one or either as we are capped at a certain number. Any over it and we'd have to pay 65pp not including their drinks packages which is 30pp.
My mum did ask but think they've just skirted around the issue Confused

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 18/11/2018 08:40

Why don’t you just get her number from your mum or get your mum to ask her?

NerrSnerr · 18/11/2018 08:41

Get her number from your mum and contact her saying you need to know by the end of next week. Then you'll know.

NerrSnerr · 18/11/2018 08:41

Oh there is an RSVP date. I think it'd be rude to uninvited before then. It's likely someone will drop out though.

Original poster
RedRoss · 18/11/2018 08:42

My mum is preoccupied so atm I'm unable to ask her for this lady's number.
She also lives 11 hours away so I'd have thought she'd get in touch to ask how much the/a room will cost Confused

OP posts:
ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 18/11/2018 08:42

Hold on - the rsvp date is the 10th of December. You can't be chasing at his point and you certainly can't uninvite!

avocadoincident · 18/11/2018 08:43

Are you getting married in a register office with a strict capacity. We did this and agonised over who to invite. The capacity also included babies even though they would be on laps. It was very frustrating especially when by H's best friend said he would travel over from Australia at the last minute. We literally had no spaces to give him but we decided to wing it see what happens. On the day no one was counted in or out of the registry office and people were stood at the back anyway even though we were only one over.

My point is who will know you are over numbers by two? If it's a hotel is there an option to just pay them more?

Original poster
RedRoss · 18/11/2018 08:46

It is a registry office, I'm not sure what would happen if we went over the numbers but we are in the medium sized room, they will only set out the number of chairs we've told them to so would be quite obvious.
The reception is in a barn, and I did put the prices above. We literally don't have that money to spare

OP posts:
avocadoincident · 18/11/2018 08:46

Sorry just caught up with your update. I would wait and see after the 10th and then worry about it. Don't chase them, if they are skirting round the issue it sounds like they can't make it but may be too embarrassed to say

avocadoincident · 18/11/2018 08:48

Our number were 75 in the registry office and although we ended up having 76 there were still a number of people standing. People chose to stand to have a better view.
No one checked and with only one over it wasn't obvious.

Has anyone any experience of the registrar turning guests away or counting guests in and out?

NerrSnerr · 18/11/2018 08:50

I have never got in touch with the bride and groom about hotels. I have just always gone ahead and booked. You really need to wait for the RSVP date.

Regnamechanger · 18/11/2018 08:50

It would be extremely rude to push this before the date they need to reply by.

Blanchedupetitpois · 18/11/2018 08:52

No, you can’t uninvite someone before the RSVP deadline. You chose that date, you’re absolutely obliged to stick to it.

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