To uninvite somebody from my wedding

[RedRoss]

I'm prepared to get flamed (I think)
My wedding is due to happen in January. To be nice, I invited my mum's longest standing friend and her husband. However they are yet to rsvp.
I don't have a mobile number for the lady but have Facebook messaged her and emailed her. I asked my mum to have a word aswell but so far nothing recently my fiancé has got back in touch with his brother and girlfriend so would like to invite them instead. I feel so stressed about this!

Oh it sounded like they needed numbers by 21 Nov from your previous post.

(to put it bluntly, I think you are making excuses and just hoping to be told they are BU and you should invite the BIL)

Registry office dont care if numbers go a bit over. We had people sharing a couple of seats and standing at the back of ours. Venue if asked nicely will add one more person for the same cost as the others. They want your business. They dont want you to change venue.

Why would your rsvp date be after the date you have to give number by? 🤨

Ahhh sorry missed pp

If you can’t contact this lady how are you going to uninvite her?

Are these the only people who have not responded?

Hou just need to wait unti the rsvp date.

People dont need to stay at your suggested hotel. They very well may have booked a cheaper one.

My mum is preoccupied so atm I'm unable to ask her for this lady's number.

How ‘preoccupied’ can someone be that they can’t text you with a number?

I am enjoying the people casually saying ‘Just invite a couple more people’ though, as if finding a chunk of extra budget is simple when you’re planning a wedding.

I would invite the brother and hope that your mums friend RSVP’s no (sounds quite likely given her vague avoidance so far) but don’t chase her yet, it is a bit rude when the cut off date isn’t until 10th Dec. If by some chance they do end up RSVPing yes then just stump up the cash, I know you say you can’t but in the grand scheme of what you spend on a wedding it’s not that much. If you’re not prepared to do that then I guess the brother can’t be invited until after 10th Dec when you have all your replies?
If your mums friend doesn’t reply by the date then I think you’re within your rights to offer her place to someone else straight away but you’ll have to let her know, just in case she turns up on the day! Some people are odd with wedding invites and don’t understand the importance of replying / updating you on their plans. We had 4 people (from 3 separate families) just not turn up to our wedding even though they RSVP’d yes and chose a meal, they knew before the wedding that they weren’t going to come anymore (holiday booked and work commitments etc) but didn’t think to let us know. I was so annoyed. Money down the drain.

I know your mum is busy at the moment, but how about spelling out the details of expenses to her, and asking if, as it's her friends, she could put something towards the additional expense?
The sheer ridiculousness of this suggestion might galvanize her into action, at least as far as giving you the phone number!

I personally do think they are being unreasonable. They've had a lot of warning (5 months) I've spoken with her over Facebook about the wedding, then messaged her about the rsvp and sent an email (email only went out last Monday before anyone thinks I'm hounding her!!)
She does strike me as the type to seem to polite to say no but Would just be nice.
Admittedly yes I do know the numbers but there's the table plan to be done, I don't know whose name to put down!!! We aren't having anymore for the evening so BIL and girlfriend would be the only two extra arriving and that looks worse imo!

Also, I would not be travelling 11 hours to see someone get married if I didn’t even have their telephone number.

Why did you put the rsvp date as 10 December if you wanted to know a month before?

Just seems like you've created a rod for your own back. You can't get cross people haven't replied 'in time' when you're the one who set the date in December.

It doesn't matter how much I've already spent on the wedding, I simply don't have another 190 pound to add two other people on

I know I know! I just assumed she'd have responded by now, she has my number it's on the invitation.
They also have no idea where they are going, well I suppose they could get to the registry office but we didn't specify any details about reception as we have booked buses. So I'd be very surprised if she just rocked up, especially as she would have to come the night before

Sonyouve sent an invite with dec rsvp date.
Youve messaged her on facebook.
Youve emailed her about it too.

Hmm. If I was her, id be ensuring the reply arrived bang on the tenth.

Whilst I appreciate your mum is preoccupied at the moment you really need to find a way to get the phone number and call to check.
I don't think a quick call to explain you need to know for number purposes before the rsvp date is an issue, but can't just decide they aren't coming.

What on earth do you mean when you say your mother is too preoccupied to get her friends phone number from her? You ring your mum don't you?
When you are talking to her on the phone she is, at that moment, occupied talking to you!
"Hi mum, how are you........what's your friends phone number so I can ring him"

Have you had many RSVP at this point? 10th Dec is still quite a bit away. I don't know the situation in UK but generally there is a 20% decline rate for weddings here in Ireland. If your venue holds 130 and you invited 130 chances are you will have space for his brother. Don't know why you are stressing about it so early though as with RSVP due by 10th Dec it gives plenty of time before 21st to ask brother. You really can't do final table plan until the week of the wedding as inevitably something will change!

I know the rsvp hasn't yet passed but you see so many people on here getting irate that kids haven't responded about birthday parties, getting annoyed because "It only takes a few minutes to say yes or no" that yes I am getting annoyed, I have other shit that's preoccuping my mind, I simply do not want to be chasing this guest into the new year! I get married in about 6 weeks, I'm stressed out my mind, I think a bit of curtsey is nice

Everybody has responded except this lady

You can't uninvite them before the RSVP date. Are they the only people not to RSVP? I had a guest drop out the night before my wedding. I would wait and if she doesn't RSVP by the date give the invitation to your bil. If she accepts then can you invite bil to evening do and just explain -:if he's only just come back into your lives he can't expect you to drop everything for him.

It's really not her fault you're stressed! Why isn't she being courteous? The RSVP date hasn't past. She hasn't done anything wrong!!

Just ask your mum for the number and call this woman.

Sorry X post op! It is annoying. Does your mum know why you need to know urgently?