To uninvite somebody from my wedding

[RedRoss]

I'm prepared to get flamed (I think)
My wedding is due to happen in January. To be nice, I invited my mum's longest standing friend and her husband. However they are yet to rsvp.
I don't have a mobile number for the lady but have Facebook messaged her and emailed her. I asked my mum to have a word aswell but so far nothing recently my fiancé has got back in touch with his brother and girlfriend so would like to invite them instead. I feel so stressed about this!

Sorry I didn't see that,would just send a nother message on fb

Your mum isn't preoccupied, you just know she'll say something to you about you chasing her friend before the RSVP date.

I've read your posts to mean you have a meeting at the venue this coming weekend, 24th November and want to finalise numbers with them then because it suits you and it's something crossed off your to do list.

A word of advice: don't finalise the numbers until you have to. Even when people have accepted invitations, there is still scope for someone to drop out. You are stressing over something you don't need to. Surely your fiance and speak to his brother and explain the situation - they may even offer to pay for themselves if they really want to be there.

Surely your fiance can speak

Do that then. FB message her saying hi the venue have asked for confirmation of numbers and as I haven’t been able to get hold of you to check I’ve not included you in the numbers. If this isn’t right please let me know straight away!

If, if, if (she won’t) she replies saying “you said the 10th December” say I’m so sorry there must’ve been a misunderstanding between me and the venue. Are you coming then?” Then at least you know.

My mum is very preoccupied, How lovely of you to assume this isn't the case No the meeting is next month ffs

Emmmm. Sorry. But. YABU. The rsvp date hasn’t passed yet.

But even if she is preoccupied does that really mean she can't give you a phone number?

I think that the error was in not inviting the brother in the first place. Yes he lived on the other side of the world but it would be his problem to sort out if he wanted to come. If he had refused and then his circumstances changed you could have explained that his place had been taken but you will put him on reserve list. You can't uninvite the other couple.

I would talk to the brother, explain the situation. Say that you don't think it would be a problem to squeeze a few more into the ceremony but will need to wait for a cancellation for the reception. It would be nice to have him on the photos.

Send her a letter

😂 at send her a letter when people are getting annoyed at me for contacting her so much 😂 can't win

I think you’ve over-estimated how invested someone who lives 11 hours away and hasn’t even seen your mother in eight years wi be in your wedding.

Jeez OP calm down

You’re not in any worse a position than If she’d already RSVPd and you couldn’t invite the BIL then either.

Just wait til the deadline and then tell your mum you’ve had to give numbers and to pass the message on and then invite the BIL if you don’t hear.

Op you can't un-invite that would be so so rude. I wouldn't chase again before the 10th.

Could be the person is trying to see what money they have left after doing their Christmas shopping. We all know weddings are expensive to hold and attend.

As for the brother surely you knew they'd be coming back before the wedding?

However I think give them an evening invite, "Hi future BIL, we didn't know you were going to be back before the wedding. Really sorry but our venue is full for the meal or we'd invite you to the full thing but your welcome to come along at night after meal"

If anybody drops out you can add them in / let them fill the places.

Your fiancé's brother should have been invited from the get-go regardless of where they were living. This is his oversight so wait to hear back from the other couple and be prepared to fit in the brother and partner regardless.

She simply said "Yeah I got the invitation, thank your daughter for me. It has been a long time"

In fact I would take this to mean that she probably does intend coming and has given this as the heads up. And is possibly wondering why you keep chasing her up about it. Could be wrong.

But as others have said, you simply cannot uninvite her three weeks ahead of the cut off date without looking (or indeed BEING) eye wateringly rude.

I've not over estimated anything, I couldn't give a hoot if she doesn't come. My mum wanted her there is the only reason I have invited her

We aren't having anymore for the evening so BIL and girlfriend would be the only two extra arriving and that looks worse imo

My ex and I were the only "extras" for the evening at my dad's mates wedding and I really appreciated it. If they've only just started speaking, they would be pleased you found a way to include them.

So you asked this couple to be "nice" and so that MN won't "flame" you for making your mum attend alone.

Now YOUR situation has changed, and you wish you hadn't been so nice.

You keep repeating Everybody else has managed to rsvp on time But to jump on a very popular sentence here, the RSVP date has not passed yet. It isn't the couple's fault that your needs have changed, and there is no reason to suggest that they will not also reply on time.

I think you need to hang on until the couple reply, tbh. It may be 10th, it may be before, given that you are chasing them. There is no reason to assume that you will be chasing them into the new year. If BIL has returned to -the circle of trust- your friendship only lately, I am sure that they will understand. I'd be happy to tell them "I wish we had got back together sooner, we'd love you to be part of the wedding. The problem is our numbers are so tight - if we have space after 10th we'd love to include you".

Sounds like you have lots going on beside the wedding. Why not put this situation on hold until couple reply, and put your energies into something else to distract you?

We weren't aware they were coming back, was a very quick decision they've made. They've been back a month now so only just getting round to contacting family, my fiancé has spent quite a bit of time with them and has mused about how nice it'd be to have them there, given that the other couple haven't replied, have made no encouragement to awknowledge they are even coming we thought we could just switch them and invite BIL and his girlfriend

Well, OP if I were your mum's friend and got the faintest whiff of your feelings as expressed at 9.49 I would make a point of leaving my RSVP until 23.59 on 9 December saying I'm coming and then have a last minute illness and not show up, out of sheer devilment.

Yes I put up another post on here ages ago, asking if I WBU to have my mum attend alone, was told that she simply couldn't attend on her own and must invite some friends of hers. That's exactly what I've done and now I'm not hearing anything back, never mind that the rsvp date hasn't been,She's not responding to any messages

But your BIL should've been invited anyway. Even if still living in NZ, people still travel for weddings. I wouldn't miss my sibling's wedding for anything and would be gutted to find my invite depended on random couple-friends-of-mother declining their invite so I could be squeezed in.

It's strange that your mum wanted a friend there that she hasn't seen for 8 years at such a small wedding. Anyway, I don't get the rush. Rsvp deadline is 10th, meeting us 21st. So you have 11 days to ask your BIL and establish whether he can come.

oribo, well I'm getting frustrated now! Getting accused of thinking that everyone is well over invested in coming to my wedding when we all know on MN you must never express such excitement at the thought of somebody's wedding

Are you not having any other family at all or someone your mum knows?