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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To uninvite somebody from my wedding

259 replies

RedRoss · 18/11/2018 08:34

I'm prepared to get flamed (I think)
My wedding is due to happen in January. To be nice, I invited my mum's longest standing friend and her husband. However they are yet to rsvp.
I don't have a mobile number for the lady but have Facebook messaged her and emailed her. I asked my mum to have a word aswell but so far nothing Confused recently my fiancé has got back in touch with his brother and girlfriend so would like to invite them instead. I feel so stressed about this!

OP posts:
Original poster
RedRoss · 20/11/2018 03:30

Yeah cough you've completely misread Confused

OP posts:
Birdie6 · 20/11/2018 03:36

The rsvp is the 10th of December the venue need numbers 14 days before which is the 21st but I have a meeting with them on the 24th so will give final numbers then.

Why did you give your guests an RSVP date , and then organise to meet the venue people two weeks before that to give them final numbers ? Your invitees have until the 10th December to make up their minds - you can't uninvite people just because you made this mistake .

Bibijayne · 20/11/2018 03:41

OP, for a whole host of reasons there is almost certainly at least one or two last minute dropouts in a wedding.

If you want to invite BIL and GF, do. Don't uninvited anyone to do it.

BeanBagLady · 20/11/2018 03:46

“No my mum doesn't have her keys with her and I don't think she's allowed her phone.”

How is she going to get back in her house? Shock

MyOtherProfile · 20/11/2018 04:04

What BeanBagLady said.

Housecoatdiva · 20/11/2018 04:08

Where are your Mum's house keys?

StoppinBy · 20/11/2018 04:11

I think you are being U in getting cranky that they haven't RSVP'd yet when they still have almost 3 weeks to do so.

I don't think it would be U though to call them (just ask your Mum, I am sure she will have her longest standing friend's number on hand) and tell them that you realised you messed up the RSVP date and you actually need to know by the 25th November etc.

Easy done.

SusieQ5604 · 20/11/2018 04:16

I do not understand why your mother would be so preoccupied that she couldn't give you a telephone number. Is she in rehab? Is she in jail? Has her mouth been wired shut? That would be such an easy way to solve this. Get the number. Call the woman. Done. Over.

Ethel80 · 20/11/2018 04:53

Why not read the thread. Her mum is ill in hospital.

Strugglingtodomybest · 20/11/2018 04:58

SusieQ5604 it's always worth reading the full thread.

Op, I don't think this woman is planning on coming. I would either ring her using messenger or just message saying you need to know now.

Monty27 · 20/11/2018 05:05

I don't know why you're so bothered. Surely arrangements aren't that tight Confused

Original poster
RedRoss · 20/11/2018 07:36

Omg birdie, this is all in decsmber!! Rsvp the 10th. The meeting is on the 24th of DECEMBER.
my mum's keys are being kept by the staff.
I hope nobody plans on dropping out, everybody has already booked the day off work and stuff but yes I understand this could be the case.
I tried to ring her on messenger, no answer. I tried at 18.07. By 18.19 she'd seen it Confused

OP posts:
MrMakersFartyParty · 20/11/2018 07:41

So if its all in December, no you cannot be chasing now, I'd think you were nuts!

Original poster
RedRoss · 20/11/2018 07:42

Ok but like I said I'm happy to wait but isn't it rude not to respond at all? Frankly I'm favouring my BIL at this point!

OP posts:
AvoidingDM · 20/11/2018 07:48

It is a bit rude not to respond but she has possibly tried contacting your mum.

I have missed how far you are from your mum and if its possible for you to get the keys and phone. But the next time you visit I'd ask the staff if its ok for her to have her phone and go and get it.

What happens if you go over numbers pay the extra then people drop out?

I hope your mum is better soon.

MyOtherProfile · 20/11/2018 08:13

Ok but like I said I'm happy to wait but isn't it rude not to respond at all?

Not having replied to the invitation isn't rude because we are not even close to the deadline yet.

Not having replied to your messages and missed calls is pretty rude and shows a real lack of interest so I would assume they're not coming to the wedding. You can't really bank on that though.

On another note I would probably have gone and got the keys to your mum's house just to check all is ok and get the phone while I was there. Unless it's a MH issue where she can't be trusted to have the phone, or she is too ill to use it, I would probably take it in for her too. Depends on your relationship with your mum though. I'd want to check her post for her and make sure everything was OK.

CurbsideProphet · 20/11/2018 08:42

@RedRoss I hope your mum recovers soon. Do you think the friend might have tried calling etc your mum and now feels awkward that she has not had a response, so doesn't know what to do about the invitation? Perhaps let her know that your mum is in hospital?

ForgivenessIsDivine · 20/11/2018 09:00

It does seem rather odd that this lady has not responded.

She hasn't seen your Mum in 8 years and her response was 'Thank your daughter for the invitation, yes it has been a long time.' I would adopt the position that you do not know what is going on in her life, and yes, I think she does not know how to respond.

Maybe one last.... sorry to be a pain lovely old friend and I know this is a breach in etiquette but I am getting twitchy about all the details for the wedding. I know the RSVP date is 10th December but is there any chance you could let me know if you think you might be coming.... there are a few other things which need names and numbers for that I had not considered when I set the 10th December date.

hellozzz · 20/11/2018 09:10

Call the venue and ask them if they would do a special deal for the 2 extra guests or agree payment can be after the wedding if the numbers increase. You will probably get some money as gifts. I think you BIL should be there and you can uninvited this couple (though the chances are they are not coming)

Sameoldstorytime · 20/11/2018 09:18

Yes I put up another post on here ages ago, asking if I WBU to have my mum attend alone, was told that she simply couldn't attend on her own and must invite some friends of hers. That's exactly what I've done and now I'm not hearing anything back, never mind that the rsvp date hasn't been,She's not responding to any messages 

Who the f*king hell told you that then?
That's utter crap.
Your wedding. You invite who you want.
Doesn't matter who RSVPs, there will ALWAYS be some tit that thinks it's acceptable to just not turn up on the day and tell no one. (Still angers me 2 years on. Not bitter, honest)
Just say sorry, circumstances have changed & the venue need to know sooner than your RSVP.
If still nothing then assume they aren't coming and go ahead and invite the other couple.

It's your wedding. And I hate to say it, but no one will remember it 48 hours after anyway. So all this stress will seem pointless.

puzzledlady · 20/11/2018 09:24

Yikes OP - you’re not coming across as very nice at all to this lady (who actually isn’t late in rsvp-ing) it sounds as though you don’t want her to come and have already found her replacements, your shouldn’t have invited her in the first place. She is not to blame for your stresses. You should have put an earlier rsvp date if you wanted to know earlier. Confused

Your mother being sick is a different matter and I hope she gets well soon. Flowers

But yes - yabvu about the rsvp, and being quite mean about it - stop chasing her so much - she might be busy? She might have something going on in her life? She might have forgotten to let you know and will do so soon? So many reasons.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 20/11/2018 10:24

Ignoring the RSVP date entirely, she's not unreasonable to have not replied before the given date. Can we not stop and discuss your mother for a second??

Your mother is in hospital with no phone or house keys (where are these keys if she has no family other than you and your brother?)

You seem more worried about this friend that about the situation your mother finds herself in, who is looking out for her if not you or your brother? Do you not visit her or have any contact with her?

Original poster
RedRoss · 20/11/2018 10:32

There's nobody looking out for her, all she has is us. I do visit but with 4 children as you can imagine it's hard to visit.

OP posts:
losttheway · 20/11/2018 13:25

Ok. So I tried to find the previous thread you referred to. I can't find it.

However, I did find one that you started 9 days before you started this stating that you were due to get married in August 2019 and were thinking of changing that date.

Yet in this thread you say she's had 5 months to respond to the invite. So 5 months ago you invited her to an August 2019 wedding and now it's January? And she lives 11 hours away and has only known about the date change a few days? Hmm Right.

And you've had another child since having your 3rd DC this summer???

Confused
losttheway · 20/11/2018 13:29

And you don't know if your DM will be better in time and nobody is looking after her.

Yet you brought your wedding forward by 8 months just last week?

Confused
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