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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD Disappointed on her birthday?

309 replies

spaghettitoots · 17/10/2018 08:35

Hello all,

So last week it was dd’s 8th birthday. She couldn’t sleep the night before her birthday because she was so excited. On the day she got her presents from us (clothes, shoes, books, a subscription she asked for and tickets to a show for next week - I’ve told her we’ll make a day of it, bit of shopping, lunch out etc) and I went and got everyone a drive thru for lunch followed by cake (one she wanted) and... nothing. She seemed really unimpressed and I feel awful. We don’t have a lot of money and at the minute, but I thought she’d enjoy a day out and a bit of girlie time (she’s the only girl in a house of boys).

She said thank you and after a little nudge from her dad when I was out of the room she came and gave me a hug. But I feel like I’ve ruined her birthday and it’ll be one she’ll always remember glumly. So I’m between feeling guilty and wanting to rush out and get into debt buying her things, and having the hump that she’s been ungrateful.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 17/10/2018 08:39

How much did all that cost you to begin with? That sounds like - with lunch and tickets to the show - you've spent quite enough! I guess at 8, though, kids prefer things they can play with than clothes and shoes

TeenTimesTwo · 17/10/2018 08:39

Was there something she was hoping for that she didn't get?

With our DDs we are always very clear in advance if they ask for something that we definitely won't get (e.g. new phone), so they can set their sights on something realistic.

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/10/2018 08:39

Blooming heck, that more than I got for my 18th!!! Don't buy anymore.

IceRebel · 17/10/2018 08:40

From what you say it doesn't sound like she was upset or made a fuss, it just wasn't as exciting as she had anticipated. 8 is a tricky age and her biggest present the tickets and girlie day out are to happen separately from the actual day. So on the day she only got some clothes, shoes, books and a subscription. Were there any other gifts from family or friends, as I could see how that's a little underwhelming for a child.

RTFT · 17/10/2018 08:41

I don't think I could get excited about clothes, shoes and books to be honest. No toys?

fantasmasgoria1 · 17/10/2018 08:42

Presents sound amazing and sounds like you spent a lot! But I know when I was 8 I wouldn't have wanted clothes as presents. My daughter however took an interest in clothing at that age so did get some on her birthday but I took her to choose them.

Gnomesofthegalaxy · 17/10/2018 08:42

Why was she disappointed though? Was there something specific she wanted? Sounds like a good birthday to me!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 17/10/2018 08:43

Well I certainly don't think you are unreasonable to be annoyed. I wouldn't be impressed at her attitude, she got lots of lovely things and she is being very ungrateful to be so miserable.

I would say that at 8 she is old enough to know that these things cost money. I would be having a talk with her about her expectations and why she is so unimpressed that she got what she wanted for her birthday. What else was she expecting: a party? more gifts? What part of all of this has made her miserable?

cloudtree · 17/10/2018 08:43

I don't think you should spend any more money but I do think its a lesson learned. 8 year olds do not want shoes and clothes for their birthday..

Oysterbabe · 17/10/2018 08:44

Was there a toy she wanted and didn't get?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/10/2018 08:44

Well you certainly won't do her favors in the long run by getting into debt.
You did get her what she wanted.
Did she want clothes or on reflection do you think shed rather have had toys. If I'm honest and please believe me this is not a critic. I think most 8 year olds would choose toys and crafty things over clothes when it comes to presents.
However it's done now. Christmas is coming up soon.

Lasagnefordinner · 17/10/2018 08:45

It’s probably because she didn’t get any ‘toys’ so to speak. Shoes, clothes and books are kind of essentials. And although she probably will enjoy the subscription and the day out, they’re not things she an actually see there and then.

Chalk it up to experience, spoil her on her day out and for Christmas but her a huge toy, doesn’t have to be pricey (large art set? Scooter?) but gives the wow factor when it’s wrapped.

Oysterbabe · 17/10/2018 08:45

And I do agree with pp about clothes and shoes for an 8 year old. We buy that kind of thing throughout the year as needed, my kids wouldn't see that as a treat.

mcmo · 17/10/2018 08:46

what heads down said... sounds ungrateful

Biancadelriosback · 17/10/2018 08:46

I agree with others although I think what you've bought sounds lovely! I suppose kids don't get excited about clothes usually. I remember always being mardy when I got knickers and socks included in my presents whereas now that's the thing I look forward to! I love love love socks now. Was she expecting a toy? The tickets to a show is a great present but not something she can 'use' on her bday. Plus 8 is a funny age. I remember thinking money was endless at 8 so just couldn't understand why I couldn't have things because my parents worked and therefore had money...stupid child's logic.

IceRebel · 17/10/2018 08:48

And I do agree with pp about clothes and shoes for an 8 year old. We buy that kind of thing throughout the year as needed, my kids wouldn't see that as a treat.

I feel the same, if clothes and shoes hadn't been purchased for her birthday they would need to bought at another time. So whilst it's a nice gift they are everyday items, so lots of children wouldn't see them as an exciting present.

HellonHeels · 17/10/2018 08:48

Did she want clothes and shoes? Did she get to choose them?

ShatnersBassoon · 17/10/2018 08:48

I'd bet it's the delayed gratification that's made her seem a bit underwhelmed - she hasn't had her big treat yet. She'll be more excited when she goes for the day out and show.

WhipItGood · 17/10/2018 08:49

At that age my dc wanted their friends included in birthdays. Much as Ive never been a fan of sleepovers, I’ve weathered a fair few especially for birthdays. They liked of squealing and sweets, pizza and a dvd that no one actually watches, staying up late, giggling etc.

allinmyhead12 · 17/10/2018 08:49

i think you are overthinking it, she is 8. They don't have the same perception of the world as we do as adults. I'm sure she will love the day out and move on soon and then she will be worried about something else. My DD did the same last Christmas, brought her an xbox albeit second hand(all i could afford), when she opened the box and went oh is it second hand cos look at all the scratches!!! i was devastated, i really thought she would love it and not be worried about where it came from. After a stiff talking to from my mum she did apologize. I just don't think they fully understand the concept of money and have no filter when it comes to comments or showing their feelings, not realizing how their actions can hurt others.
I think they have a different idea of how things should go and if they don't go that way they struggle to process it. You have done nothing wrong, dont feel guilty just enjoy your day together.

LethalWhite · 17/10/2018 08:50

I would have been upset by getting clothes and shoes for a birthday present before my teenage years.

My mum used to threaten me that if I wasn’t good all I would get for birthdays and Christmas would be clothes!

Next time I’d ask her to write a list of 5 things she would like for her birthday, with the best at the top, so you have an idea of what she would really like (though make my it clear she won’t get everything!)

klondike555 · 17/10/2018 08:50

I wouldn't get excited over clothes and shoes at age eight either. I wouldn't get excited over shoes as a present at any age to be honest.

Original poster
spaghettitoots · 17/10/2018 08:50

When I asked about toys she wasn’t really sure apart from she wanted slime (we did get her a couple of pots of it) and we’re supposed to be moving house in a few weeks, so I thought best to get her an event to remember rather than toys until after she’s got a new bedroom. I did talk to her about that in the run up to her birthday but I guess it’s too much for a little girl to understand fully. We had various family drop round on her birthday with smellies, toys, bits and bobs.

When we go shopping I’ve told her she can have some money from us to buy whatever she likes.

I just feel awful, but we have more birthdays and Christmas coming up.

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 17/10/2018 08:50

My memory of that age was that there's so much anticipation of how wonderful your birthday will be, that there's always a slight let down - in my case it wasn't presents, it was that the party was never as magical as I expected because of the minor arguments that would break out towards the end (8 over-excited 7-8 year olds together and what do you expect?).

Schnickers · 17/10/2018 08:51

Lurid plastic crap is an essential birthday item for an 8 year old!