DD Disappointed on her birthday?

[spaghettitoots]

Hello all,

So last week it was dd’s 8th birthday. She couldn’t sleep the night before her birthday because she was so excited. On the day she got her presents from us (clothes, shoes, books, a subscription she asked for and tickets to a show for next week - I’ve told her we’ll make a day of it, bit of shopping, lunch out etc) and I went and got everyone a drive thru for lunch followed by cake (one she wanted) and... nothing. She seemed really unimpressed and I feel awful. We don’t have a lot of money and at the minute, but I thought she’d enjoy a day out and a bit of girlie time (she’s the only girl in a house of boys).

She said thank you and after a little nudge from her dad when I was out of the room she came and gave me a hug. But I feel like I’ve ruined her birthday and it’ll be one she’ll always remember glumly. So I’m between feeling guilty and wanting to rush out and get into debt buying her things, and having the hump that she’s been ungrateful.

AIBU?

You might not love every present but you should be polite enough to not show ungratefulness.Mum has bought what she thinks is best, end of.

This is the same reason why I keep Christmas at bay until December. Expectations are way too high for a day at home with a few presents and a glammed up roast diner!

I remember when i was about 8 my mum started buying me stuff like clothes and cd’s for my birthday.

I just didn’t want them. Not something i was interested in. Then i had to put on a happy face and pretend to be grateful.

I wasn’t ungrateful as such, but couldn’t get excited about it, and thought it was a waste of money. If i’d been old enough to take it back for a refund i would have - and indeed that is what i do now i’m an adult and still uninterested in clothes.

It also really hurt that my mum obviously didn’t know my likes and dislikes, and didn’t take the trouble to find out. I felt as if she’d decided i was “grown up” and should want grown up presents- which is how i saw clothes. I wanted a set of colouring pencils! It felt as if my mum was buying me what she wanted me to have/like.

I also would have been sad by being bought more ‘grown up’ presents than I wanted.
I remeber girls in my class being obsessed with makeup and boy bands - I still just wanted to play with toys and run around. When people bought me ‘older’ presents like makeup bags and toiletries I felt a bit worried, like I should be more grown up than I was, and generally never touched them again

Thinking about it, we do put crazily grown up expectations into little girls.

What 8 year old boy would be bought ‘smellies?!’ Teenage boys like to groom themselves like teenage girls do, but why are we expecting tiny 8 year old girls to want to pretend to be adult? We just don’t do it to boys

camberlan the daugter was polite. The op is annoyed she wasnt more enthusiastic over the mcdonald mss drive through and bath bomb.

The shopping and show havent actually occured yet.

I don't think kids really understand event presents that aren't happening for a while as they seem to live in be now.

Saying that, you made plenty of effort so no guilt buying necessary!

Could it be that she got so excited that it was just a bit of an anticlimax? I think that can easily happen with children and it's got nothing to do with what they got/didn't get....

Op you sound lovely. It's hard at that age because they live in the moment. It may not have been the most exciting birthday (even tho I'm sure she will have a totes exciting day when you take her to the show) but she is sooooo lucky to have a mum who cares so much about her emotional wellbeing, and clearly an extended family who loves and cares about her enough to share her day with her. She's just been a bit underwhelmed. If anything, you should pat yourself of the back that your daughters life is so nice that a day of love and presents is a bit underwhelming! Stick to the original plan. Your day next week sounds lovely. You shouldn't feel guilt or get into debt. Some birthdays are going to come and go and be less merorable but she will most probably treasure going to the show as a forever memory. A lesson in delayed gratification for you both. X

*Thinking about it, we do put crazily grown up expectations into little girls.

What 8 year old boy would be bought ‘smellies?!’ Teenage boys like to groom themselves like teenage girls do, but why are we expecting tiny 8 year old girls to want to pretend to be adult? We just don’t do it to boys*

I know infant age girls that get taken to nail bars and for “pamper” sessions.

I think it hit me especially as my sister’s birthday was the month after- she’s two years younger- and i’d have to sit and watch her open toys and colouring pencils- all the stuff I hankered for.