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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Make An Effort on DP and DSC holiday return

683 replies

IceColdCiderPlease · 27/07/2018 22:18

My partner of 3 years is taking his 2 children on holiday next week for 2 weeks.
The children stay with us EOW and during the holidays.
I’m not invited. It has never been discussed he just booked it.
They all arrive back on a Thursday evening and the DCs (15 & 17) will be here until the Monday.
The expectation is that I will have food shopped, made beds etc for their return.
AIBU to just leave it & let them order take away ?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
WowLookAtYou · 27/07/2018 22:21

That sounds odd/mean. Is this the first time it's ever happened?
You say it wasn't discussed, but did you not want to ask him why? What stopped you?

Modestandatinybitsexy · 27/07/2018 22:25

Do you have to be at home? Can you take yourself off somewhere, even just to see family for a long weekend?

Why weren't you invited?

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 27/07/2018 22:26

Well I can understand him going on holiday with his kids but not inviting you is definitely a bit shitty.
In your position I wouldn’t be there when they got back.
Go away somewhere, stay with a friend or just book into a hotel.
Do not play the little woman welcoming them back from their holiday. You were excluded so they can just fuck off.

WineAndTiramisu · 27/07/2018 22:26

Was there any discussion at the time? (I know you said there wasn't and he just booked it, but surely you discussed it afterwards?) Does your partner know you're upset about this?

If yes, and he did it anyway, I would think you being out (friends house or nice hotel) on the Thursday night and no shopping etc done is reasonable, but a bit passive aggressive. You'd have been better off discussing it before they went.

Was this a sort of "last family holiday" given their ages? Have you all been on holiday together before?

Could do with a little bit more info

6triesbuttingout · 27/07/2018 22:27

Can you go away yourself and not be there when they get back? Tbh if they can’t be bothered to invite you on hol why should you be bothered to be there when they return. Start looking at expensive spas

Sailinghappy · 27/07/2018 22:27

Do you get along with the DCs? Why weren’t you invited on holiday with them? If it’s just about bonding time and there no big rift with you then I think that’s nice for them all. I’d probably go on a girly break away over the last week and let them sort themselves out though Grin

Rednaxela · 27/07/2018 22:27

Love that your idea of a punishment is not to cook or make beds for a night.

He has shown you what his priority is, and it's not you. What are you going to do?

nellyolsenscurl · 27/07/2018 22:28

I think it is fine for him to go away without you but definitely not on for there to be no discussion beforehand. I assume you live together do to the beds issue, I would be inclined to go away before he gets back and not mention it and make sure the fridge is empty.

sexnotgender · 27/07/2018 22:29

YANBU to be upset and leave them to sort their own shit out when they get back. You’re not running a hotel.

Original poster
IceColdCiderPlease · 27/07/2018 22:30

He just booked it - no discussion.
I’ll be left stranded & relying on trains as he is taking the car.
I feel really let down. This evening I asked him what their schedule was ( it’s an adventure type holiday) and he’s just stormed off to the spare room.
We feel so separate it everything we do - he meets his family/friends separately to us I’m just feeling miserable and left out

OP posts:
Anonnymouse54321 · 27/07/2018 22:30

If it happened exactly like it's put in your OP, I'd not be there when they return. That will be a nice surprise.

HollyGibney · 27/07/2018 22:30

Book a holiday starting on the day they return. If you time it right you can wave at them on the airport conveyer as you move in opposite directions. I'm actually not joking, I would go on holiday and not be there.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 27/07/2018 22:32

OP it sounds like there’s more going on here?

DBN1 · 27/07/2018 22:32

Loving all the suggestions of going away to a hotel or expensive spa....because everyone can afford the time off work/to pay for it!

OP, we really do need a bit more background information though.

upsideup · 27/07/2018 22:33

Whats wrong with a dad taking his kids on holiday without their step mum? In fact I think he and any other parent should have holidays on their own with their kids.

SummersB · 27/07/2018 22:33

I agree with Holly - go away on your own and use the time to reflect on your relationship and decide if you really want to be part of that!

Branleuse · 27/07/2018 22:33

i think its nice they went on holiday together, but i wouldnt be making a fuss on their return. I would probably make sure i was out

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/07/2018 22:34

Storming off is pathetic. Booking two weeks away without discussing is crap. Having expectations about you playing the little wife is a fucking joke.

What are you getting out of the relationship? I hope there are things that make living so separately 3 short years in and him expecting you to skivvy for him and teenagers worth it. If not then this break is a good opportunity to decide whether or not there’s a future for the two of you.

Fishface77 · 27/07/2018 22:35

Your car or his car?
I’d go out early morning in the car.

Fishface77 · 27/07/2018 22:35

Sounds like your relationships over anyway

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 27/07/2018 22:36

They’re not exactly kids at 15 & 17. Also OP has been with him for 3 years. I would have thought that was a reasonable time to have a holiday together.
There’s obviously something else going on here.

Original poster
IceColdCiderPlease · 27/07/2018 22:36

Cross post with some of the replies.

I understand him wanting to holiday with his children- it’s the no discussion that grates.
I didn’t even know they would be coming back here (which is fine) until I looked at the calendar.
I did ask if was expected to do all the washing etc when they got back and was told ‘ let’s see’.
I’ve been a doormat before and feel like the little lady waiting at home for their return.
My mum lives abroad so seriously tempted to book a flight to hers

OP posts:
Oswin · 27/07/2018 22:36

Upside i would normally agree but he didnt even talk to Op about it.

Op why are you expected to do all the running around. You are not a maid. He is there parent he can feed his kids and do there beds.
He sounds like a prick.

MrsElijahMikaelson · 27/07/2018 22:36

Why are you with someone who you admit leaves you out, separates you and clearly has no respect for you?

I'd have his bags packed on his return or a letter on the fridge saying "there's nothing in this, I've left you. Toodle pip"

Idratherbeaspider · 27/07/2018 22:37

Can you afford a short break somewhere sunny for yourself?
Train and a few days luggage in an easy to carry bag. Off you pop to a spa? Don't mention it. No discussion needed.