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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Make An Effort on DP and DSC holiday return

683 replies

IceColdCiderPlease · 27/07/2018 22:18

My partner of 3 years is taking his 2 children on holiday next week for 2 weeks.
The children stay with us EOW and during the holidays.
I’m not invited. It has never been discussed he just booked it.
They all arrive back on a Thursday evening and the DCs (15 & 17) will be here until the Monday.
The expectation is that I will have food shopped, made beds etc for their return.
AIBU to just leave it & let them order take away ?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
incywincybitofa · 28/07/2018 16:35

If you sold your car for joint funds I assume hope you got your money back so that you could buy a new car. If not given the timing of you 2 living together you should cut your losses and depart.

Gemini69 · 28/07/2018 16:36

I'm glad you're seeing the light OP.. this guy sounds like a selfish dickish piece of work...

I'd be moving out too lovely Flowers

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 28/07/2018 16:40

Why are you still with this man? If the house is yours, change the locks snd tell him not to bother coming back. If it's his, use the holiday as time to move out!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 28/07/2018 16:52

I agree with the PP, it's basically just a house share, with you providing all the domestic services for him and his children, and sex. It must be great for him!

Dovesfly · 28/07/2018 17:02

You deserve better. Go to your away somewhere and when you come back either kick him out or leave. Life is too short to waste it on someone who does not treat you properly.

dancinfeet · 28/07/2018 19:05

OP he sounds like an utter twat. I'd be using this next two weeks to leave him / kick him out, then depart for a break to mums abroad for a while. You deserve better than this xx

Branleuse · 28/07/2018 19:07

I might be off the mark @IceColdCiderPlease but i think a risk after coming out of one very long term relationship, that you overlook massive red flags and flaws in the next one that comes along as you feel bad about the other relationship breaking down and want to prove you can make it work. You might need to work on your self respect/esteem.
It doesnt sound like he has much respect or cherishes you like you deserve. It sounds like hes using you and just leaves you out of anything fun. You deserve better. Being alone would surely be better than having the piss taken

Funnyface1 · 28/07/2018 19:10

I wouldn't still be there when he got back. I couldn't be. That would be a permanent thing.

BlueJava · 28/07/2018 19:14

What he has done seems really unkind, not to mention strange (to my mind). I think you should book that flight and see your mum and have a good think whilst you are away. To me it sounds like your relationship is over, I'm sorry OP.

percheron67 · 28/07/2018 19:15

I feel for you OP. Many years ago, my husband took two of his children and a grandchild on a holiday and I wasn't invited. Just after his return, I took our daughter to Devon for a week. He was really miffed that I didn't invite him!!

Sunnybeachbabe · 28/07/2018 19:39

Please don't be there to run around and clear up after them when they get home. Book yourself a weekend away somewhere that you can get to on the train, then use the time to evaluate your relationship and whether it is offering you all that you deserve.

PoppyFleur · 28/07/2018 20:12

Sadly I witnessed my uncle treating his 2nd wife in this way after my cousins reached their mid/late teens. He basically need a caring housekeeper for the EOW & holiday visits when my cousins were younger, instead of hiring one he remarried. Once my cousins were older he no longer kept up much of a pretence, his wife was merely someone to share the household expenditure costs with.

Thankfully she left him and my mum plus several members of the family have remained in contact with her (my mum rarely speaks with her brother because of his callous behaviour). Ironically one of my cousins now sees the step mum more than his dad because he appreciated all she did.

Assess your relationship whilst your partner is away and decide if the current situation is what you want. Is this relationship worth saving? If not then make plans to leave, life is precious, you deserve more.

LuluBellaBlue · 29/07/2018 09:13

Good luck, I hope you end up having a wonderful holiday somewhere and move on from this waste of space man and realise how amazing you are Flowers

Inertia · 29/07/2018 09:30

So you're not a partner, you're a housekeeper.

You need to retrieve the proceeds of your car sale and ensure you have separate bank accounts. And yes, be away at your mum's when they get back, and why would you get food in when there's nobody in at the house? And surely they can all make up their own beds?

MrsElijahMikaelson · 29/07/2018 16:59

Sadly I witnessed my uncle treating his 2nd wife in this way after my cousins reached their mid/late teens. He basically need a caring housekeeper for the EOW & holiday visits when my cousins were younger, instead of hiring one he remarried. Once my cousins were older he no longer kept up much of a pretence, his wife was merely someone to share the household expenditure costs with.

This is EXACTLY how I was to my ex, I knew it deep down at the time and even more so now looking back.

2 kids whom he had access to, he needed a cook/nanny to help him and when I say help him, I mean, entertain and discipline he's kids while he was watching video on YouTube, someone to contribute towards their Xmas presents.

Get out now. There's more to life than this.

mummmy2017 · 29/07/2018 17:17

OMG...
THE WASHING WILL NEED DOING...

Also the comedown after a holiday and it will be you that gets the blame when the kids play up.

If he was broke a month or so ago, bet he will be again this month after all the treats this three had...

Tell him your going to copy him and have a holiday. Book yours to leave days before he gets home so he has to sit alone the next week....

Original poster
IceColdCiderPlease · 29/07/2018 17:57

I’ve booked a holiday !! ☀️👙🍸🍧
I’m off to Croatia- have pre booked some activities- kayaking, paddle boarding & cannoning. Cannot wait.
And I’ve booked to go to my Mums in 4 weeks time.
I leave on the Friday morning & they get back on the Friday afternoon.

Thank you all - you really egged me on (in the best way) and his comment yesterday:

‘ you’re ruining & will ruin my holiday because you haven’t been arsed to sort yourself out for the week & I know when I ring you are going to be miserable & wallowing ‘ 😧

So DP FU - I’m off on my own adventure ☀️🍸

OP posts:
QOD · 29/07/2018 18:01

Good for you. What an ass

AmayaBuzzbee · 29/07/2018 18:01

Well done OP, enjoy!! Smile

mummmy2017 · 29/07/2018 18:02

Make the beds, but don't you dare fill the fridge...
Have a Fab time...

arranfan · 29/07/2018 18:07

Huzzah! Have a splendid time away - those activities sound excellent (kayaker here)!

Branleuse · 29/07/2018 18:08

i hope you have a lovely time OP, sounds brilliant. I DREAM of taking a solo holiday

LighthouseSouth · 29/07/2018 18:08

good for you OP

leave the house exactly how it was. "D"P can do the beds and shopping.

enjoy!

WooYa · 29/07/2018 18:10

FU DP! Well done @IceColdCiderPlease have so much fun on your hols WineWine

sparklepops123 · 29/07/2018 18:15

Well done! Have a fab time 🍸and your very welcome to my first ltb 🖐💐

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