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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Make An Effort on DP and DSC holiday return

683 replies

IceColdCiderPlease · 27/07/2018 22:18

My partner of 3 years is taking his 2 children on holiday next week for 2 weeks.
The children stay with us EOW and during the holidays.
I’m not invited. It has never been discussed he just booked it.
They all arrive back on a Thursday evening and the DCs (15 & 17) will be here until the Monday.
The expectation is that I will have food shopped, made beds etc for their return.
AIBU to just leave it & let them order take away ?

OP posts:
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9
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/07/2018 22:37

No one in a committee cohabiting relationship should be booking a two week holiday without their partner without letting them know.

The DC are immaterial, as you well know upsideup if you’ve read the OP.

She’s not objecting to them spending time together. She’s quite rightly objecting to being excluded from any discussion and being expected to make beds and shop for her uncaring partner and his two presumably perfectly capable teens.

If they can go on an adventure holiday they’re capable of making up beds.

Oswin · 27/07/2018 22:37

The fuck? Do the fucking washing?!
Honest to god you need to run from this arsehole.

IceCreamFace · 27/07/2018 22:38

I can understand you not being invited. If you've only been together three years I'm guessing you've only been a part of the kids lives two years and you only see them EOW - they want quality time with their dad too.

That said it was very unfair of your DP to book it without even discussing it with you and no way would I be waiting to welcome them all back from the trip you weren't invited on. Your DP can't have it both ways.

arranfan · 27/07/2018 22:39

My mum lives abroad so seriously tempted to book a flight to hers

Sounds like a grand idea! Make a note in the calendar of when you return.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 27/07/2018 22:41

This whole situation is a major piss take.
Your bloke clearly doesn’t give a shit about you.
Get out.
Do not be there when he returns home to wash, cook etc.
Make a new life right now

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 27/07/2018 22:42

My mum lives abroad so seriously tempted to book a flight to hers

Go for it seize the day. You can't argue with going to stay with your mother. Daughter duty and all that. Just say it seemed like perfect timing, well not quite because you will be away when they get back! Most caring partners (once We get beyond you not invited on holiday) would say 'what a lovely idea, hope you have a nice time.' Anything falling short of that is an indication of the sort of person he is.

OliviaStabler · 27/07/2018 22:42

Go tpo your Mum's. He'll have a he shock getting home to know his 'pipe and slippers' are not where he expects them.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/07/2018 22:42

The whole thing stinks. Whose car is it? Whose house is it, did you move in with him or he with you?

You sound really unhappy. Sometimes it takes an occurrence like this to show you what’s really going on, the proverbial straw, and he sounds like a selfish arse who doesn’t appreciate you.

PrettyLovely · 27/07/2018 22:43

I would leave personally he doesnt sound much of a partner, if he doesnt even talk to you and storms off like a child.
You can do better op.

HollowTalk · 27/07/2018 22:44

I would either go to visit my mum or I'd move out while he was gone. It's not a mentally healthy place for you, OP.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/07/2018 22:44

Obviously none of my business about housing just wondering how easy it would be to move out if the shine has rubbed off!

WineAndTiramisu · 27/07/2018 22:44

Definitely go and see your mum. Is the rest of your relationship good? As I can't imagine it is if this is considered normal to him, have a long think whether you want your next 3 years to be more of the same...

Clairetree1 · 27/07/2018 22:45

Why would you expect to be invited on holiday with him and his children? That sounds odd to me. Did you expect him to pay for you?

Clairetree1 · 27/07/2018 22:45

who's car is it?

Gemini69 · 27/07/2018 22:47

I'm sorry OP but this isn't a balanced relationship... he sounds like hell to live with... to be honest... Flowers

ShumpaLumpa · 27/07/2018 22:48

'Let's see'? Sounds like your his housekeeper.

Definitly don't be there when they come back. He sounds like a prick.

RandomMess · 27/07/2018 22:48

You don't discuss things, you don't have a shared social life...

So there isn't a kind loving relationship from what I can see!

MortyVicar · 27/07/2018 22:50

And whose house is it? You say you didn't know they'd be 'coming back here'. Is it your house? If it is, pack his things and put them outside the day they get back. Then change the locks.

Seriously OP, you deserve much, much better than this.And if you get rid of him you'll be able to find out how much better.

bastardkitty · 27/07/2018 22:50

Whose house is it seems to be the main question!

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/07/2018 22:53

Clairetree1 maybe RFTF. Who mentioned money? Way to derail and try to pick holes. Is it because OP is a stepmum? Didn’t take long did it!

HollowTalk · 27/07/2018 22:55

Why would you expect to be invited on holiday with him and his children? That sounds odd to me. Did you expect him to pay for you?

There really are some twats on here.

Oopsmeagain · 27/07/2018 22:56

No way you should be expected to do their washing (all of them) from a holiday you haven’t been invited on. Is that seriously a possibility that he will expect you to?

I’d go to your mum’s if I were you.

pilates · 27/07/2018 22:56

Another vote to go to your mum’s

Ithinkthatsenough · 27/07/2018 22:58

Wow... go to your mums, dont give a flying fuck about “his” washing from “his” holiday. Let him cook ans clean for himself
And tell him he is not to book any holidays without speaking to you first.
And consider whether he is actually worth all this...all sound very detached, emotionally.

dustarr73 · 27/07/2018 22:59

Another vote to go to your mum’s

And dont tell him,see how he likes that