Party child not collected 2 hours after party end

[mooey89]

DS’s 5th birthday today.
Party attendee dropped off by a lady who was not mum. I don’t know mum or other lady at all. Never spoken before.

Party finished at 2pm, at 2.15 I text to check how long. ‘So sorry, childminder isn’t replying to my texts, I’m 2 hours away, can you keep hold of him?’

So we took strangers child home with us. At 2.45 I text again. ‘DS is going to his dads at 3, any news’?

At 3.20 I get a reply ‘I’m 50 mins away, still not heard from the childminder’

He’s still here, my DS is long gone!!!

He’s very well behaved, sitting in front of the TV eating birthday cake,

BUT AIBU to think
A) there’s no childminder - what childminder forgets a child and when being reminded that you’ve forgotten doesn’t drop everything to run and collect?

And B), would you not have phoned me?!?!

That's awful. Poor kid

Awww poor little lad

Poor kid!

Ahh.... poor little lad.

This could be a genuine mistake if Mum had made arrangements with childminder but Mum should be keeping you more informed and giving you a call.

Hope nothing bad has happened to the childminder though.

O dear. One to keep an eye on as they progress through school.

Sorry but it sounds like you are her childminder for the afternoon. Bet childminder was only going to do the party drop. Mom knew you would not throw her son out onto the street. I am afraid to say but it sounds like you have been used.

It’s quite possible that there is a childminder and there has been some miscommunication somewhere along the lines.

If the minder thought she was doing drop off only it’s entirely reasonable that she’s not seen any calls or messages from the mum.

I’d like to think that this is the explanation rather than either mum or minder being this irresponsible!

Well he was obviously dropped off by someone who wasn't his mum! Have you asked him who she was? People do have accidents/dramas/collapse in short amounts of time so it's plausible.

9/10 chance mummy is just a cheeky fucker though!

Poor little boy

Poor kid. I'd be fuming.

I'd have been quite firm and said someone, whether that be the "childminder", a friend, a relative, a parent, etc - that someone needed to collect child within half an hour or I'd need to make some calls. I'd not be taking anything at face value and would be cynical personally.

I actually work as an ofsted registered childminder and most childminders, nurseries and school settings have an "uncollected child policy" whereby they have a set protocol to follow if a child isn't collected.

Poor kid, but that's so nice of You! Extra birthday cake and some TV time. He will be happy with that!

If the mum is being honest, then that's really crap for her. The childminder has flaked and she's rushing back but she can't change the distance she is having to travel. She should have handled it better - called you or called a friend to collect him. She probably didn't call at 2 because she assumed the childminder had done her job, so when you got in touch she has panicked. Hopefully she gets there soon and if you've not had your day ruined, then you can forgive it this once.

Poor child.
Watch out though. Sometimes these things are just total cock ups but other times, they indicate that a cheeky fucker is worming their way into your life. Difficult to tell which. The mum will probably apologise regardless so you still won't be able to tell if she has been screwed over by someone or if she is a CF.

Never heard of a childminder working saturdays?

I agree with @Rocinante1

I think it's an unfortunate incident.

Well if he's not picked up at 4.10, with huge apologies , then you'll know if they're a CF! It could be a genuine emergency, but it if it was, wouldn't the parent be sounding more stressed and anxious, and called you?

It is a bit odd they haven't phoned, you'd think that would be the first thing to do. Who does the child think is picking him up? Have you asked him? You may get a better idea of what's going on if you do, though I guess you don't want to be cross-questioning a 5 year old. I know I always told my kids who would be picking them up, as it's pretty shit for a child not to know what's going on.
So it's nearly 4.10 now, what will you do if they don't show?

What are you going to say, OP, when the mother eventually finally shows up?

YANBU!

I would be beside myself with embarrassment and completely stressed out at having put another mother out like this, and for putting my DC in this situation.

Can you text/phone back asking for the child minder's number?

I know there isn't one, but it would make her squirm!

I would also say that you have had to cancel your plans, & let friends down, as given that your DC is out, you had already ,ade planned to spend the time after the party doing something else (make it important and adulty type plan that you've had to cancel.)

It is possible that the child minder has either let her down or had a big emergency and is out of contact. The fact he was dropped off by someone other than Mum makes that very plausible.

If the Mum didn’t know the childminder had gone AWOL how would she have known she needed to call you? Plus she told you she was 2 hours away at 2:15, obviously at 3:20 the reply was going to be “just under an hour away”. Hassling her before 4:15 served no purpose other than delaying her getting back to you even more while she stopped to reply.

I think it’s unfair to judge the Mum for this.

if the childminder did genuinely forget / miscommunication, then there's no reason to phone since they would have picked the kid up. key is: what was her response when you phoned first?

if it were me i would have been mortified, tried to get hold of childminder, failing which tried to find someone else to pick him up, failing which come asap. she should have kept you in the loop.

so that is pointing to intentionally picking him up several hours late. you'll get a better measure when she arrives. i'd be FUMING.

Poor kid. I’d look after him and assume it was a genuine mix up, unless proven otherwise. It takes a village, and all that.

I can’t imagine living in the sort of community where I’d be threatening to call SS on someone I knew socially, on the strength of one late pick-up after a birthday party...

From the timings it sounds like the mum set off to collect him as soon as she knew the childminder hadn't. I'd not convict her yet.

Unbelievable! She’s leaving her kid with pretty much a stranger!

She could be telling the truth but it’s stinks of cheeky fuckery.

I’d ask her for childminder’s address and take him round there yourself. Or, if the childminder has gone AWOL, suggest to (potential) CF mum that maybe you should call the emergency services? (Is she not worried about her??)

The Mum may well come rushing in, flustered, apologetic and thankful. If so, fair play to you for keeping hold of the LO, and poor planning on her part. However if she comes in with a Costa in hand all breezy, I'd be fuming. Depends. I don't think we can judge until we know

Ah Mumsnet. The edifying place where people love to stick the boot in to somebody who’s potentially done nothing wrong.

Helly
I’ve read threads with cms working weekends and was surprised.

From the way you’ve explained it, the mum seems worried and apologetic, not the typical traits of a cf. It sounds as if she’s been let down tbh or miscommunication. Poor kid.