Party child not collected 2 hours after party end

[mooey89]

DS’s 5th birthday today.
Party attendee dropped off by a lady who was not mum. I don’t know mum or other lady at all. Never spoken before.

Party finished at 2pm, at 2.15 I text to check how long. ‘So sorry, childminder isn’t replying to my texts, I’m 2 hours away, can you keep hold of him?’

So we took strangers child home with us. At 2.45 I text again. ‘DS is going to his dads at 3, any news’?

At 3.20 I get a reply ‘I’m 50 mins away, still not heard from the childminder’

He’s still here, my DS is long gone!!!

He’s very well behaved, sitting in front of the TV eating birthday cake,

BUT AIBU to think
A) there’s no childminder - what childminder forgets a child and when being reminded that you’ve forgotten doesn’t drop everything to run and collect?

And B), would you not have phoned me?!?!

[WakeUpMaggie]

So what would you have done with him after the precious 30 minutes were up?

[tomhazard]

you definitely did the right thing to take the little boy home and of course it is wildly ridiculous to call social services...
But I do think the mum had you on a bit there. If that had happened to me I would call pretty much everyone I know better than never-met-before-party-mum to get him picked up ASAP. I wouldn't expect for him to wait two hours unless a dire emergency

[LeahJack]

Mums response was totally unacceptable. 2 hours away? So? Get hold of childminder, or anyone else and get him picked up within 1/2 an hour.

She couldn’t get hold of the childminder could she? If CM isn’t answering her phone how do you expect her to do that short of telepathy?

And who are these people who have lots of friends and family available at the drop of a hat yet have to use a paid childminder?

[mirime]

But I don't invite kids I've never met - by late June you've had at least 10 months to meet your kid's friends.

I work, I rarely drop off or pick up DS. I could pick out two of his friends and there's another two children in his year that I recognise from toddler group, but that's it. I can identify four children. I would only recognise a handful of the mums as well.

[mirime]

@Oblomov18 apparently she couldn't get hold of the childminder and perhaps she doesn't have anyone locally who could help? I don't. I have no friends or family where I live.

[blackdoggotmytongueagain]

I once left my 18mo with a childminder on a Saturday saying I'd be back in a couple of hours, and then didn't come back for 5 days. She had a lovely time.

I am the cuntiest fucker in mn terms.
My childminder was gold though.

[Redglitter]

I would contact social services to be honest

Oh ffs don't be ridiculous.

[WellAndTrulyCurbed]

My children would have been distraught at being left at the end of a party at 5. Happily eating cake and watching telly when you have no idea when mum is going to show up is not the reaction of a child who was expecting to be collected

Really? I think it's a normal reaction. I think being 'distraught' is the weird one.

What's with all the 'distraught' children btw? It's a worry.
Sometimes shit happens. Unfortunate, but it does. If a child was 'distraught' over having to wait an extra hour or 2 in front of the tv with cake, I'd be more concerned about that.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

DD would be very upset in this scenario. I agree that a child taking it in his stride would suggest that he is used to this kind of thing.

[thebewilderness]

I hope nothing terrible happened.

[QuackPorridgeBacon]

A confident or adaptable child does not mean something is wrong fs. I have a child who would have probably panicked but she seems very anxious anyway. If she had been with the Mum for a while already then I’d say she probably would have been fine too. She’s more comfortable once she’s met you for a bit. I wouldn’t assume anything other than a mistake and she is sorry. Some people just dislike others. I wonder what they would do with the child after the allowed time?

[AjasLipstick]

I'd have instantly asked for the childminder's number.

[LinoleumBlownapart]

You can't read anything into a child being quiet. I recently had DS's 5's classmate with me at the school for 1 hour after the school bus returned with him as there was no one at his stop. It was an early closing day for staff training. He was good as gold, played in my office with my DS and had a snack. I called his mum and it turns out her MIL had forgotten it was early close. She came as soon as she could. As soon as she walked out of my office with him, he totally lost it and was a crying and hitting her. He'd obviously held it all in.

[Whereismumhiding2]

@Skittlesandbeer
That's good that his mum did come and collect in the end. You were nice to give him cake and let him sit in front of TV. I hope your DS wasn't too put out when he went with his Dad & his friend got to stay with mummy. Lucky too that you didn't have somewhere to be.
Anyway, time will tell if it was genuine mistake or if this Mum was being cheeky / flakey. It sounds like the former.

[Whereismumhiding2]

Whoops, that was meant for @mooey89 (OP) not @Skittlesandbeer. My phone and I haven't had our first morning cup of tea yet!

[Elasticity]

She was probably busy seeing her fancy man

[Johnnycomelately1]

I'm not sure the reaction means much. It depends on how the child perceives it and that can often depend on how the adults around them react to it.

I parent my DC the same, but one of mine would be upset. The other one would be "yay, cake and tv."

[Cupcake99]

I have had this happen to me-child was dropped off early as mother had to pick up father from the airport-no worries. Parents then didn't turn up until 3 hours after the party, as they had been having a lovely time at a restaurant. They turned up relaxed after a few drinks and I was frazzled after hosting 15 5 year olds!!! Well done for feeding the kid extra cake-hope he was jacked up on sugar when you sent him home! Just be wary in future

[WhiteWalkerWife]

It's very lucky you were able to look after him. She may or may not be a cf. I would keep an open mind on both. If she is then word will get around at school. Equally , i wouldnt feel bad being honest if anyone asked about Xs child being left behind and would state the mum's story. If it is a lie, it will be picked up on fast and if not then others are warned not to use her cm.

My sister likely appeared a cf once. She got a call after a play date and had to race on the tube, back in rush hour, from work. Her husband, now ex, was meant to pick up, but had lost track of time with OW. My sister realised on the way back and barely managed an excuse- she was in such a state. She wad worried about her child, despite knowing he was safe with the parents, and devastated by the realisation.

[enike]

social services over this?? ridiculous
well behaved children are neglected?? ridiculous

OP was very kind to take care of the little one and it was very fortunate she was able to

next time: take an emergency number from everybody who drops off the child (tell the parents in advance to provide it when dropping off the child for the party)

In this situation I would have asked the mother when she first told about the childminder not answering the text, to give me her number and I will trying to call her, because the mother is evidently in her way (car, tube) and not able to call - if the mother reacted positively, it would mean she is telling the truth
if she didnt provide a number for a childminder, she is lying

(but of course she could give a non-existent number... sooo)

[craxmum]

@blackdoggotmytongueagain

Similar thing happened to me. Dropped off DS in the nursery in the morning - all good, at lunch I was seizing due to eclampsia, entering kidney failure and wheeled in for an emergency C-section at 31w.
Had a (now ex) non-working SIL around, but she has a very weird approach to things like that and flat out refused to help. Neighbours on a holiday. No one else.

The nursery manager was a star and took DS home with her, fed him with cake and jelly, watched cartoons, played until late and had a brilliant time altogether. He was not yet 2 at that time, but remembers that day (which is now his sis birthday) fondly until now. It was probably against the rules, probably she was supposed to drop him at a local orphanage or something. Thankfully, she was a human and not a 21st century compliance-obsessed robot.

[mooey89]

In fairness I really don’t think child being well behaved means much - the boys were excited at the novelty of the situation and getting an impromptu play date!

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Seems strange

I would see who drops /picks child up at school Monday and if the lady who dropped off at party maybe say to her - hope she’s ok. What happened Saturday

If all real I would be a very pissed off mum to my cm

I would have called mum. Not text - also suprises she didn’t call back saying so sorry

[Echobelly]

I'm inclined to be lenient when we don't know the whole story, still it is a bit odd that the mum didn't phone - for a fuck-up that big and asking that much of a stranger, I would phone in order to make it clear that this was an accident and to answer any questions so no one could think I was being a cf. Texting doesn't prove 'guilt', it could just be shyness or mortification about having to talk to someone they hardly know about this, of course.

[catinasplashofsunshine]

mirime I work too, but we invite the kids friends over a lot. It was easier with dc1 because I was at home with baby dc3, and also Dc1 was incredibly chatty and interested in everyone so I knew her entire class, not just her friends,, and Io feel bad about having less time for dc3, but I still know his friends (not everyone in the class). If you don't know them it's a lot harder to keep a gaggle of 7 and 8 year old boys under control at a party!