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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party child not collected 2 hours after party end

213 replies

mooey89 · 23/06/2018 15:57

DS’s 5th birthday today.
Party attendee dropped off by a lady who was not mum. I don’t know mum or other lady at all. Never spoken before.

Party finished at 2pm, at 2.15 I text to check how long. ‘So sorry, childminder isn’t replying to my texts, I’m 2 hours away, can you keep hold of him?’

So we took strangers child home with us. At 2.45 I text again. ‘DS is going to his dads at 3, any news’?

At 3.20 I get a reply ‘I’m 50 mins away, still not heard from the childminder’

He’s still here, my DS is long gone!!!

He’s very well behaved, sitting in front of the TV eating birthday cake,

BUT AIBU to think
A) there’s no childminder - what childminder forgets a child and when being reminded that you’ve forgotten doesn’t drop everything to run and collect?

And B), would you not have phoned me?!?!

OP posts:
kktpj · 23/06/2018 16:37

I once had a child brought to our house a day late for a party. Explained to the grandfather dropping off, he shrugged and drove off!!!
We changed our plans and had a playdate

DuchyDuke · 23/06/2018 16:43

I would contact social services to be honest. The child’s behaviour suggests he’s used to it.

catinasplashofsunshine · 23/06/2018 16:50

Duchy contact social services and tell them what? That a parent was 2 hours late to pick their child up from a party, having responded to a text with a text to explain that a childminder was meant to do the pickup and hadn't turned up, that the child was well behaved and polite and the parent thankful and apologetic? I'm sure that'll be a useful conversation...

Using the phone for conversations instead of relying solely on texting would have been the only thing the parent could have done differently, assuming their childminder really was meant to pick up and became uncontactable.

pigsDOfly · 23/06/2018 16:51

As a veteran of many years experience of dealing with other parents and parties and play dates in the dim and distant past, I would bet a pound to a penny that the mother knew full well you would be stuck with her child after the party and that there was no child minder.

Had similar happen to me on many occasions. Clearly nothing changes.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 23/06/2018 16:57

Social services would do nothing unless no one turned up

user1490607838 · 23/06/2018 16:59

I agree @pigsdofly I think people are being incredibly naive.

I am willing to bet this mother knew exactly what she was doing. She let the kid stay at someone else's house deliberately, for as long as she possibly could. Seen it happen too many times. Too many CF-ers about, always have been, always will be.

firehousedog · 23/06/2018 17:01

I think people are being a bit harsh on the child's parents here. There could be any multitude of reasons why she was late. Communication error, traffic, emergency, etc.

petrolpump28 · 23/06/2018 17:01

i wouldnt leave a 5 year old with a stranger. Thats just not right.

SleepWarrior · 23/06/2018 17:02

She may taking the mick.

She may have been horrendously let down by arranged childcare.

Both are perfectly plausible but there's no way to KNOW. If it ever happens again then you have your answer!

CourtneyLovely · 23/06/2018 17:03

This happened to us once, a child wasn't collected after DD's party. She should have been collected by her aunt but the aunt went shopping in the local town and then couldn't get back to us because of a large incident (a v large brewery went on fire) that we were unaware of at the time.

Sometimes shit happens, and not everyone is a cf!

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 23/06/2018 17:07

The child sounds like he is used to this which suggests mum has done it before.

I'd mention it to the school if they are school age, could be part of a safeguarding issue.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/06/2018 17:07

I agree, I don't think there was a cm in her case, that's why she brushed over the matter. If it was a genuine fault of the cm, she would have gone in more detail, she was chancing her luck.

user1490607838 · 23/06/2018 17:12

Yeah 'shit happens' sometimes, but 9 times out of 10, it's the person being a CF and trying to offload their kid onto to some unsuspecting sucker for a few extra hours!

Keep making excuses, but I have seen it happen waaaaay to many times, to me AND to many others I know.

notacooldad · 23/06/2018 17:14

Never heard of a childminder working saturdays?
Just because you haven't heard of it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

We had one 16 years ago for 2 years as we both worked shifts.

Rocinante1 · 23/06/2018 17:15

God, it must just be exhausting going through life parsing every explanation someone gives you for every mistake for a second interpretation just so you can have the joy of declaring them a cheeky fuck.

catinasplashofsunshine · 23/06/2018 17:21

Where do you all live that this happens to you all a lot?

I have other people's kids at my house almost daily, and have hosted well over 20 children's parties between my kids to date. Pretty much every kid invited is dropped off and picked up on time. Never had one left 2 hours longer than expected.

When I was paid to childminding and more often and more annoyingly to tutor - that was when people took the piss with incredibly late pick ups. When I was tutoring I had quite a difficult child left 4 hours after her 45 minute slot! I thought her dad was waiting in the car but he had driven off and was uncontactable until 3 hours after the child should have been collected. He'd decided to do an errand too far away to fit into the time so was taking the piss expecting to leave her an area half hour, and then was involved in a minor traffic accident and had to wait as the police were called, and didn't call to say til it was all sorted. That was fun.

It only happened when I was being paid to have a child with me, which seems to make people try to get all they can out of you. Never in a social context.

Jenasaurus · 23/06/2018 17:22

At 5 I am surprised the parent(s) didn't stay to help out at the party. When mine were that age, the only children that stayed unaccompanied were family and close friends, the children who were new to my children, so basically strangers, their parent or parents would stay with them. I am shocked therefore that not only did no one stay but they turned up 2 hours and 15 mins late. Poor little boy. Not all parents would be so kind as the OP, what if they had another engagement to go to or other birthday plans, for the family only.

OrchidInTheSun · 23/06/2018 17:22

If the mum was expecting the CM to pick the child up, why was she texting her? She wasn't. There was no CM. I also think the mum was working.

Jenasaurus · 23/06/2018 17:23

also can you imagine if several other mums did the same thing, basically the party would be extended into a child minding service.

Berthatydfil · 23/06/2018 17:25

She could be a cf or genuinely had an issue with the child minder.

It’s lucky you were able to have looked after him though because you could have had plans which you couldn’t change.

I think I would have asked for the cms address on the basis that they should be reasonablly local or any other family who could take him and then depending on what she said, that would have given you more of a clue as to whether she was a cf or not.

LivingMyBestLife · 23/06/2018 17:27

I'd agree with BoxsetsandPopcorn that it would be worth mentioning to the school. They are likely to keep an eye on the children that are constantly collected late and the child being happy to sit and wait is a bit of a clue that it's happened before.

In one of my DD's out of school clubs there are a couple of children who are frequently left hanging around and their lack of panic when their parents don't turn up is quite obvious. The same children are often dropped off way too early as well Hmm

SoddingUnicorns · 23/06/2018 17:31

Poor wee soul, my kids would have been distraught to be left with a virtual stranger at the end of a party. The fact he didn’t seem bothered doesn’t paint a wonderful picture really does it?

OrchidInTheSun · 23/06/2018 17:35

I would mention it to the school too. My children would have been distraught at being left at the end of a party at 5. Happily eating cake and watching telly when you have no idea when mum is going to show up is not the reaction of a child who was expecting to be collected.

petrolpump28 · 23/06/2018 17:36

yes, sodding you are correct.

LeahJack · 23/06/2018 17:36

I think I would have asked for the cms address on the basis that they should be reasonablly local or any other family who could take him and then depending on what she said, that would have given you more of a clue as to whether she was a cf or not.

If a childminder hadn’t arrived to pick my child up I wouldn’t be happy with someone just taking the child to their address and handing them over when they weren’t even sure who they were giving them to. For a start if the childminder hadn’t turned up you wouldn’t be absolutely certain they were in a fit state to care for them and not out of it through drink etc, or who any adult who happened to answer the door was.