Party child not collected 2 hours after party end

[mooey89]

DS’s 5th birthday today.
Party attendee dropped off by a lady who was not mum. I don’t know mum or other lady at all. Never spoken before.

Party finished at 2pm, at 2.15 I text to check how long. ‘So sorry, childminder isn’t replying to my texts, I’m 2 hours away, can you keep hold of him?’

So we took strangers child home with us. At 2.45 I text again. ‘DS is going to his dads at 3, any news’?

At 3.20 I get a reply ‘I’m 50 mins away, still not heard from the childminder’

He’s still here, my DS is long gone!!!

He’s very well behaved, sitting in front of the TV eating birthday cake,

BUT AIBU to think
A) there’s no childminder - what childminder forgets a child and when being reminded that you’ve forgotten doesn’t drop everything to run and collect?

And B), would you not have phoned me?!?!

This thread contains some of the most hilariously bonkers people I've ever seen.

If she was being honest and the childminder let her down or had an accident then it's not her fault but it seems seriously strange!

What did they mum say when she collected??

Perhaps different areas have different social expectations? I don't think my children have ever been to a reception party where parents haven't stayed and not only have we moved around we had lots of different schools. A carer always stays at that age in my experience. Generally if you can't you get another parent to keep an eye out for yours (if you know others) or get someone to attend with them. They need help going to/finding the loo, sorting food etc and it's unreasonable to expect the person managing the party to do this for a large group of very young children. I'm quite surprised at the number of people saying it's not the norm to stay, as it's not about the child not being able to be left, it's about the age and requirements of that age.
Therefore with this in mind and having a reception Age child I would be absolutely horrified if someone did this to me. If there was a genuine reason it was not supplied, and it's utterly disgraceful to leave a child of that age for so long when all other children including the birthday child, had gone. I would definitely alert the school with concerns (if they are unfounded it will not go further) and I would probably have asked for the childminders address to drop him there.

Boredandtired So you would ask for the address of a childminder that couldn’t be contacted? And then just show up and drop the child there, even though you know his mother is on the way? Why?

I think police and SS for one incident is a major overreaction.

@quackporridgebacon if the mothers response was that the childminder had been due to pick them up and she was 2 hours away, then yes of course. First step ask for phone number and address of childminder. Waiting 2 hours is not acceptable. Then I would call the childminder and arrange collection/drop off.

I would not give out my childminders address, even under these circumstances. The mum is on way. What's the point of going to the cm house if she might not even be there?!

Boredandtired Even when the mother herself cannot get in touch with the childminder. I’m sorry, I don’t understand how you ringing would make any difference on getting through or not. Two hours is acceptable because people cannot change travel time just because they or someone else may want them to. It’s just not possible.

to be fair, it probably wasn't a childminder....maybe a sister or something but the mum isn't going to admit that her sister/friend/SIL/(insert any other person who offered to help then didn't) has let her down, just brush over it with a 'childminder' problem - possibly why she skirted around it when OP mentioned at collection.

Boredandtired it’s not just different areas, I had twins in different classes at the same school. One DC’s class the expectation was for parents to stay, and they were catered for and the parties would not have run that well without. In the other DC’s class the expectation was that parents dropped, welcome to stay if the child needed them to, but they would sort of be in the way and there wouldn’t be the space for every child’s parent to stay. I don’t know what drove it exactly, but there was a definite difference.

@quackporridgebacon more than happy to disagree. The mother is clearly lying, no actual child minder would do this and she is 2 hours away, not 10 minutes. The child should not have gone to the party if it could not be collected on time. It's very unfair on the child and it's very unfair on the parent who held the party.

You may think waiting 2 hours is acceptable, I do not. That's the whole point of discussing on mn, different viewpoints. If I rang a mother and she said 'sorry my childminders not answering, I'm 2 hours away but I'll leave now' I would've said 'sorry I can't have your child for 2 hours' it's not appropriate and clearly she's not telling the truth.
With regard to a child minders number, don't be so ridiculous. A registered childminder has a business number for work. If it was a nursery or preschool you could find it, and if you search up child minders you can find their details. If the mother was telling the truth it would not be an issue in the slightest.
@boomboomscousin how strange that must've been! It's not my favourite thing to do but one of us always does it for reception.

What makes you so sure she is lying? I don’t see how giving you the childminders phone number means she will answer your call. If she isn’t responding to the mothers call then why would t be different for you?

It is all very strange. A CM wouldn't forget to pick up a child they had just dropped off to party 2 hours earlier. It's their business and reputation. More likely was a friend or family member of the mum who was flakey and she's embarrassed, or the mum herself forgot to arrange anyone & bluffed it out. Bit rubbish for the 5 y o. Boy but OP helped out, as would most people, and he enjoyed his cake and tv! Feel a bit sorry for OP as after stress of DS's noisy party she had to wait for her downtime and her DS was going off with his dad after an hour anyway....

Often at larger parties down here party parents get a collecting sheet on drop off done (child name, who collecting, and tel no) incase of emergency. I've always thought it a splendid idea. (I don't know who started it whether it was just an organised parent one day that everyone else copied or if it arose from the famous "screaming boy" party of 2006 - when one (4 yo) boy howled through a party once (he didn't win every party game the DJ was doing) and he was sooo unconsolable. When the DJ gave him a prize he threw it across the room as he wanted the medals other children had won. Pretty much took over the party and his parents couldn't be contacted to collect him early. (No ASD or issues, just possibly overtired/under the weather /or maybe that was just him).

Anyway, it will come to light in time - parents talk at school gates, even with the best will in the world !- if it isn't a one off by this mum/dad.