Party child not collected 2 hours after party end

[mooey89]

DS’s 5th birthday today.
Party attendee dropped off by a lady who was not mum. I don’t know mum or other lady at all. Never spoken before.

Party finished at 2pm, at 2.15 I text to check how long. ‘So sorry, childminder isn’t replying to my texts, I’m 2 hours away, can you keep hold of him?’

So we took strangers child home with us. At 2.45 I text again. ‘DS is going to his dads at 3, any news’?

At 3.20 I get a reply ‘I’m 50 mins away, still not heard from the childminder’

He’s still here, my DS is long gone!!!

He’s very well behaved, sitting in front of the TV eating birthday cake,

BUT AIBU to think
A) there’s no childminder - what childminder forgets a child and when being reminded that you’ve forgotten doesn’t drop everything to run and collect?

And B), would you not have phoned me?!?!

[Antigonads]

A child was almost 2 hours late being picked up from DD's 6th birthday party. When the doorbell eventually rang her cousin was stood there, no word of apology, just ' hurry up and get your coat' to the child and off they went. We put it down to their poor timekeeping.

[abilockhart]

mooey89 Sat 23-Jun-18 15:57:19
So we took strangers child home with us. At 2.45 I text again. ‘DS is going to his dads at 3, any news’?

At 3.20 I get a reply ‘I’m 50 mins away, still not heard from the childminder’

He’s still here, my DS is long gone!!!

At 2:15, you texted the mum. The mum texted she was two hours away but the childminder was to collect. The mum must have left immediately to collect.

At 3:20, the mum texted to say she would be there in 50 mins and couldn't contact childminder. 3:20 plus 50 mins is 4:10.

At 3:57, you posted that the child was still not collected.

At 4:14, you posted that the child had been collected.

Mumsnetters are telling you to call social services.

The melodrama.

[CoffeeOrSleep]

I would think that the Mum of the abandoned child did the right thing not to slag off the childminder to the OP when she picked up her DC.

She tried to contact the childminder, couldn't get hold of her, got in the car to drive to the OP, told the OP it would take 2 hours unless she could get hold of the Childminder, she wasn't able to get hold of the childminder and it took 2 hours.

she apologised but wouldn't be drawn on what had happened to the CM, but I'm guessing at this point, she doesn't really know, or if she did know, didn't feel she could share.

And yes, if she had a range of family/friends who were able to pick her DS up from a party locally, she probably wouldnt have paid a childminder for the day on Saturday rates to drop/pick up from a party!

The childminder might be a CFer, the Mum might be a CFer (although the timings doesn't suggest that), or something might have gone very wrong in the CMer's life and the Mum is not wanting to share someone else's news.

[drspouse]

We also have a CM who does the odd Saturday e.g. when we were moving house. It's not unheard of.

[CoffeeOrSleep]

Actually yes, all the childminders I know have done the occasional Saturday/Sunday/bank holiday when a parent of one of their mindees is stuck. they charge the earth for it

[Frazzled2207]

I think it's possible that there was some misunderstanding/problem with the childminder.

However I would have quizzed the child about who it was who had dropped him off and if he had a childminder.

[throwcushions]

Poor woman. Sounds like she did everything she could. Must have been horrible to be let down at the last second and not even know who the child was left with- I very much doubt she was just trying to get some free childcare out of it as some have implied!

[cherish123]

How awful. Poor child. Yes - she was taking the mick.

[cheapskatemum]

I came on to say that this happened to DS4 once. DH was supposed to pick him up from a birthday party and completely forgot, worse still, he was miles away when parents tried to contact him as he’d taken DS3 with him on a hunt for gas that fitted our bbq & the search had taken him up to the wilds of north Norfolk (we’re in Suffolk). I was taking DS2 to his respite in the opposite direction & had DS1 with me. I was absolutely mortified and couldn’t apologise enough to birthday child’s parents, when I got to them to pick him up. Fortunately we knew the family though. But it does happen as genuine mistake!

[doorframe32]

'' I don’t know mum or other lady at all. Never spoken before.''

This is the bit I don't get- at any of my birthday parties[especially at that young] my mum would have at least spoken to the parents or have a fair idea over the type of people they were.

[Mountainsoutofmolehills]

My mum used to do this stuff often. and certainly we had some kids stay on later after parties. Parents juggling life.

[drspouse]

I asked DD who she wanted at her party and she gave me one name of a friend (whose mum as it happened I did know) and DS name...
So I asked her nursery key worker who to invite. Did not know 75% of the parents! This was a 4th birthday so everyone stayed but we did similar for DS 5 th and not everyone stayed.

[gillybeanz]

CF like this soon turn up when you say you'll have to leave child alone/ inform ss as abandoned child and you have to be somewhere.

[Sallystyle]

I think people are just desperate to have another CF thread.


When will this shit end?

It is entirely plausible that mum was genuine here. The timings all make sense. That isn't exciting enough for some though, they need their fix of CF.

[CoffeeOrSleep]

doorframe - that assumes your Mum was at the school gate every day and the other parents are too. I do the school run every day, but there's a couple of parents for DC2's class I've only met briefly at drop off and pick up of other parties, as their DCs are picked up by childminders or go to the before/after school club. I wouldn't say I know the parents, I'd recognise them if I saw them in the street, but not really ever had a chat with them. There's many others who only do drop off/pick up 1 or 2 days a week, so they haven't met many of the other parents who's 1 day they can do drop off/pick up isn't the same day.

Would be a bit off to only invite the children who's parents do drop off and pick up so I know them, rather than the children DC2 is friends with to their 5th birthday party.

[Sennelier1]

My children have all grown up now 😍but I've had similar experiences. Being a stay at home mom I was easily available for my kids when they had a day off school or during holidays. I used to take them swimming, let them bake cookies or do fun creative projects. Several parents of friends of my kids asked if I could have theirs too, but a few took it this far as to just drop of their children at my door in the morning, waving from their cars shouting something about pick-up later. This was before cell-phones, but I possitive.y know of several who took their time doing shopping or going for drinks after work, and one CF even calling after 8 to tell me she was "going to leave her DD with me for the night since she had planned to bring her again in the morning anyway".
Yes, I have been forced to draw a very thick line.

[Blueink]

Children react differently, child’s reaction doesn’t mean anything, apart from it seems he made the situation easier to manage. Life happens, not a drama unless if u hadn’t been able to get in contact with his Mum. She said she would be 2 hours & she was 2 hours.

[doorframe32]

CoffeeOrSleep Yes but at 5 years old even if I didn't know the parents I'd still be ringing them before the party just to confirm everything. There is no way I would allow a 5 year old go to a stranger's house like that unless I'd at least spoke to the parent's first in some way.

[ArfArfBarf]

I think the situation sounds plausible and I can’t imagine my 6 or 4 year old being distraught at having to spend a bit longer hanging out with a friend in this circumstance. I expect they would also be incredibly polite (because they seem to be able to manage this when other people look after them despite finding it impossible at home).

[QuackPorridgeBacon]

gillybeanz Oh Yes, threatening to have someone lose their child will make a two hour journey become a ten minute one...

[gillybeanz]

Quack

I've seen it a few times, used to be a children's entertainer.
Yes, was hilarious how fast they turned up with tail between their knees.
Parents could have got somebody to pick child up, but most parents wouldn't be 2 hours away, when there was a possibility they may have to collect their child.
Some people just take the piss.

[LadyFilthPacquet]

Social services? Blimey.

I had DC who would have gone into terrified meltdown at being left at at party at all at that age, never mind overtime (that was very hard work), and DC who would have thought "whatever" if I hadn't turned up. I think it's more personality than a child having been conditioned to be abandoned...

[gillybeanz]

If you didn't call ss you'd be mean to leave a child outside the venue or house when you have to go somewhere.
You have no alternative, you certainly don't put yourself out for someone who can't pick their kid up.
What if you're going off to work, or have an appointment or event of your own to go to.
You'd have to call Police/ ss and let them deal with it.
I have seen it a few times, it's what schools do too, after a certain time.
Completely acceptable.

[IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece]

There could’ve been wires crossed. Childminder thought she was dropping off and mother picking up so then turned her phone off or put on silent. Mother thinks childminder is doing both drop off and pick up so goes to visit a friend 2h away.

The child being so chilled with the situation means nothing! Not every child is going to panic especially when there’s then a play date to be had!

And calling social services is fucking insane. Jesus christ

[OnionBridie]

The bairn was picked up about 2 hours ago!

Thank you. Im away down memory lane to think of my mum and how its was always 'the bairn/ the bairns'.