Party child not collected 2 hours after party end

[mooey89]

DS’s 5th birthday today.
Party attendee dropped off by a lady who was not mum. I don’t know mum or other lady at all. Never spoken before.

Party finished at 2pm, at 2.15 I text to check how long. ‘So sorry, childminder isn’t replying to my texts, I’m 2 hours away, can you keep hold of him?’

So we took strangers child home with us. At 2.45 I text again. ‘DS is going to his dads at 3, any news’?

At 3.20 I get a reply ‘I’m 50 mins away, still not heard from the childminder’

He’s still here, my DS is long gone!!!

He’s very well behaved, sitting in front of the TV eating birthday cake,

BUT AIBU to think
A) there’s no childminder - what childminder forgets a child and when being reminded that you’ve forgotten doesn’t drop everything to run and collect?

And B), would you not have phoned me?!?!

My 4 year old would happily spend hours and hours with strangers. He had many nannies and childminders, so is very adaptable. Does not mean anything.

Poor wee soul, my kids would have been distraught to be left with a virtual stranger at the end of a party. The fact he didn’t seem bothered doesn’t paint a wonderful picture really does it?

I think my (just) 5 year old would be delighted to have TV and extra cake and would take this in his stride. We don’t know what has happened, but agree that this could be genuine.

OrchidInTheSun The Op texted the mum to find out when she would get there. Then the mum texted CM.

You can't read anything into the child's reaction from one incident like this. Mine would have hated it, too - but would have just sat quietly like this little lad did. Not because they are well-behaved, not because they are 'used to it', but because that was their coping mechanism for scary or unusual situations with adults they didn't know.

Maybe I'm a drama llama but I'd be absolutely distraught for my child if I'd done this to them. There'd be no denying it being a genuine mistake.

Not RTWT but can’t the Mum get someone else to get her son?

What if OP had to go to work?

She is effectively sitting someone else’s child when she could be missing a shift.

I think someone suggested that childminders don’t work weekends. How do you think nurses etc get to do their shifts?

If she skirted over the fact that the CM is apparently AWOL, I'd be very wary of future contact with this woman in case she is a CF. Lots of CFs steal free babysitting time in this sort of way.

FreeMantle - why are you making that assumption? In the OP it says: "Party finished at 2pm, at 2.15 I text to check how long. ‘So sorry, childminder isn’t replying to my texts, I’m 2 hours away, can you keep hold of him?’ "

That sounds to me like the OP texted the mum who replied that the CM wasn't replying to her texts. It's not really that important though. The fact is that the kid was left with virtual strangers for 2 hours who may have been doing something that meant they couldn't look after him. It's just shit.

I don't think there was a childminder (not that I dispute whether they work weekends or not). I think mum has got a friend to drop off who she has been a CF to and that friend has not turned up to pick the child up at the end of the party. Possibly the dropper offer wasn't asked and the CF mum had just assumed.

It sounds like the kid is used to being dumped. Sad for the kid.

The poster is not a stranger to the child she’s the Mum of the party boy who just entertained him for a couple of hours, who chances are has been nice and kind and helpful to him.
Most kids would be fully happy to go off with her.

Mum of party child means nothing- today DD went to a party and I don't know the mum and DD had never met her. It was a drop off and DD wasn't comfortable with me leaving until about 35 minutes in and as soon as I returned she asked if we could leave. A few other mums stayed and all of their girls were sitting with their mums or sat on their knees!

I would quietly mention it to the school as a "it's probably nothing but..." as there might be wider safeguarding issues with the family. I would also warn the next party host!

Hididdley what's the point of a party where the guests stay sitting on their mothers' knees?

I've always had all kids dropped off by age 5. The party is for the kids not the parents. The babyish or spoilt ones still do the refusing to go home thing at 5, the well behaved ones say thank you very much and collect their party bag. But I don't invite kids I've never met - by late June you've had at least 10 months to meet your kid's friends.

Are you all for real? A report to social services because a five year old did not kick up a fuss about staying for two hours with a classmate's mum?

What do the people who are suggesting the op contacts social services or the school think they are actually going to do about this?

I have read similar threads on mumnet in the past and the CF mother has sometimes been on a promise. There was no childminder she knew what she was doing. If my child had been with a party parent and the guardian had let me down I would have called not texted, massively apologised, said I'm on the motorway at Jxx I'll be there in 35 minutes etc and stopped and bought flowers on the way back.

THIS thead is classic Mumsnet

Has she come to collect her child?

1. Of course there are childminders on weekends - if there weren't then a significant % of the NHS, those not fortunate enough to have relatives in close proximity, would be unavailable, as just one example

1. In secure attachment to the parent the child wouldn't need to be hugely distraught by this - unless you're all horrible, why would he kick off?

1. Lots of people have to travel for work or to meetings. I quite often have meetings on a Saturday more than 3 hours away, and travel 1.5 hours by train on a daily basis each way at the moment

There really are some ridiculous people on MN. I am amazed how some of you function in life if your answer to what appears to be a genuine mistake is to start baying for blood, making accusations and calling SS. I can see how such a thing happened and its not like the mum didn't come as soon as she could by the sounds of it. It wasn't like she left him for the night is it.

Sounds to me that the mother was let down.

Well done OP for doing something nice for someone due to unforeseen circumstances.

Agree with the village sentiment- a kinder, less judgemental attitude when you are not in possession of the facts goes a long way.

Most people have a couple of hours free once in a blue moon to help out others. It really shouldn’t be viewed as such a liberty but our society seems to be becoming incredibly self-centred.

Has she come to collect her child?

You didn’t RTFT did you. The bairn was picked up about 2 hours ago!

f she skirted over the fact that the CM is apparently AWOL, I'd be very wary of future contact with this woman in case she is a CF.

There are hundreds of reasons she could have skirted over it. For a start she may well still have no idea where CM went. For another, if she does know it may either be something medical she doesn’t feel entitled to tell, or something embarrassing like being passed out pissed.

WakeUpMaggie, you have the most sensible post on here.

Thank you.

Makes a change.

No. Mums response was totally unacceptable. 2 hours away? So? Get hold of childminder, or anyone else and get him picked up within 1/2 an hour.

I would have phoned her and told her that this wasn't ok and if he wasn't collected soon you wouldn't be able to look after him.