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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider bringing my DP with me?

349 replies

Tobringornottobring · 23/04/2018 14:24

Am meeting up with a small group of friends soon for afternoon tea and catch up.

The venue selected is about 25 miles from me; the major part of that journey is on one of the busiest motorways in the country.

I'm a relatively inexperienced driver. I use my car daily on my own but it's all town driving, with some dual carriageway. I have driven a couple of times briefly on the motorway but I've always had someone with me.

I've never driven to this place and I am apprehensive. I've offered to car share with another friend (they drive to me, then I drive) but they've said they've got some errands to run so are going early. The others going are travelling from other directions, so are further from me than the venue.

My DP doesn't have any plans and would happily accompany me in the car, or indeed drive me if I preferred (but I'd like to try the drive for my own confidence) DP gets on well with my friends but I don't want to be the person who always brings her partner along....

That said I'm really apprehensive about doing the drive on my own if I don't. Wwyd?

OP posts:

Aprilmightbemynewname · 23/04/2018 14:26

A road is a road. . Get yourself there or all ya mates will be on here tomorrow!!

PinkHeart5914 · 23/04/2018 14:27

I think if it’s a friend meet up it’s a bit weird to turn up with your partner tbh, it does change the atmosphere imo when one partner is there.

Also your an adult that passed your test, the only way you will get use to driving on the motorway alone is to actually do it.

Purplerain101 · 23/04/2018 14:27

Can you text the one organising it and ask if it’s ok? I’m sure it would be fine as it sounds like they all get along well with him.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 23/04/2018 14:27

I would take a train or bus.

Don't take your partner, it would change the dynamics if it's a small friendship group.

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 23/04/2018 14:28

Please don’t take him I’d be so pissed off if my friend brought her husband with her.

dementedpixie · 23/04/2018 14:28

Could you do a practice run beforehand with him in the car for moral support? Then on the actual day you will know where you are going

heateallthebuns · 23/04/2018 14:28

Could he drive you and wait in car or occupy himself nearby? I wouldn't bring him that's a bit weird.

Bringmewineandcake · 23/04/2018 14:29

Can’t he do something else while you meet your friends? A partner would definitely change the dynamic of your get together.

MirriVan · 23/04/2018 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itallhappensforareason · 23/04/2018 14:30

I appreciate you are anxious about it, but if you don't just go for it then you'll never be able to do it alone. The motorway is actually the easiest road to drive on in my opinion - it's not that scary, honest. Stay in the inside lane if you're worried about overtaking and switching lanes etc.

MissDuke · 23/04/2018 14:30

Don't bring your partner to a girlie afternoon tea! If needs be, get him to drop you off and the friend going early could maybe bring you home? Or he can just go for a walk and pick you up again? But definitely don't bring him!

kissthealderman · 23/04/2018 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caulk · 23/04/2018 14:31

Take him whilst you drive if it’ll help, but let him do his own thing whilst you’re with your friends.

MindatWork · 23/04/2018 14:32

Hi OP - I was a v nervous driver when I started as I had a big gap between passing my test while at uni and eventually getting a car after I graduated.

I only became a confident driver once I HAD to drive every day for work, and had to go on the motorway for meetings etc.

One thing I used to do was look at the route closely on google maps and go into streetview to look at any particular junctions or roundabouts that might make me nervous or where I wasn’t sure which lane to be in.

I use the google maps app on my phone to navigate (in a proper cradle) and happily drive anywhere now.

You can do it!

Trinity66 · 23/04/2018 14:32

Yeah have to agree with PPs, it would totally change the dynamic of a girls meet up, don't do that

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/04/2018 14:32

Don’t take him. Leave him in/with the car or suck up your anxiety and do it. Driving on motorways is not that difficult.

gamerchick · 23/04/2018 14:32

I hear you OP, I’m exactly the same.

Do a couple of practise runs with your bloke so you know what to expect. You’ll be ok after that probably.

pasturesgreen · 23/04/2018 14:33

Can your husband not accompany you on the journey then amuse himself for a few hours until you're ready to come back?

^This. Surely it's the most sensible option if you don't feel comfortable driving on your own not that having someone else in the car with you will make an iota of difference, but anyway...

louderthan1 · 23/04/2018 14:33

It would piss me right off if someone brought their partner to a friend catch-up.
I'm assuming there is no public transport? Because that would be the obvious answer, meaning you could have a drink if you wanted as well.
Or your man drives and just amuses himself for a few hours.
Don't be that person though!!

Trinity66 · 23/04/2018 14:34

Don’t take him. Leave him in/with the car or suck up your anxiety and do it. Driving on motorways is not that difficult.

I actually think driving on a motorway is easier than normal roads

rebeccabecca · 23/04/2018 14:34

Echo what the others have said. Totally unreasonable to take him to tea with you.

Do you know the way or do you have sat nav? I honestly think the best way to conquer your nerves is to do the drive alone. You have passed exactly the same test as everyone else on the roads.

If you really can't face it, get someone to go with you and do a trial run.

TroubledLichen · 23/04/2018 14:35

Please don’t be that person, your friends will not be impressed (having a partner there changes the whole dynamic) but will probably be too polite to say so to your face. If you really can’t face the drive, the suggestion of a practice run is good one, and public transport isn’t a viable option then get DH to drive you but for god’s sake don’t take him for afternoon tea. Get him to go mooch round any nearby shops, go for a pint (just the one as he’s driving) at the nearest pub, go to a coffee shop and take book etc. anything to avoid crashing your meet up!

bookmum08 · 23/04/2018 14:36

Give him £30 and send him off to amuse himself while you meet your friends. I'm sure he will find something to do!

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/04/2018 14:39

Please don’t take him with you to the meet up, or ask if it’s okay.

It completely changes the dynamic as most other people have said. Your friends could have anything going on if you haven’t seem them for a bit. They might love your partner but a girls outing is exactly that.

If you can’t face driving on your own then taking him with you for moral support and letting him do his own thing while you’re with your friends is a good option.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/04/2018 14:40

And when you say you don’t want to be the person who always brings their partner, has his happened before?

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