Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Original poster

To consider bringing my DP with me?

349 replies

Tobringornottobring · 23/04/2018 14:24

Am meeting up with a small group of friends soon for afternoon tea and catch up.

The venue selected is about 25 miles from me; the major part of that journey is on one of the busiest motorways in the country.

I'm a relatively inexperienced driver. I use my car daily on my own but it's all town driving, with some dual carriageway. I have driven a couple of times briefly on the motorway but I've always had someone with me.

I've never driven to this place and I am apprehensive. I've offered to car share with another friend (they drive to me, then I drive) but they've said they've got some errands to run so are going early. The others going are travelling from other directions, so are further from me than the venue.

My DP doesn't have any plans and would happily accompany me in the car, or indeed drive me if I preferred (but I'd like to try the drive for my own confidence) DP gets on well with my friends but I don't want to be the person who always brings her partner along....

That said I'm really apprehensive about doing the drive on my own if I don't. Wwyd?

OP posts:

MarthasGinYard · 24/04/2018 10:22

Oh I've missed it I think

What has Op decided to do?

Fairenuff · 24/04/2018 10:27

OP I can't believe the number of posters who haven't even read your posts. You have a lot of patience to keep trying to explain the situation to them. I wouldn't even bother replying any more and would just ignore them.

Maybe you need to do a summary:

Black box prevents speeding
Not driving alone
Not getting taxi/public transport/other route
Will see if DP can give lift
If not will see if venue can change
If not will decline invite

FWIW I think you are being sensible driving within the speed limit. If you had come on here to say you had a speeding ticket you would be absolutely flamed. Sometimes you just can't win on mn.

I hope your dp is willing and able to give you a lift. He sounds lovely actually.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/04/2018 10:34

You do the speed limit with a black box. So 70 on a motorway

How long have you been driving?

What’s your age ?

What car do you have ?

Sure you can find Cheaper then £1k insurance

TBH you are better off cancelling your friends - prob better you don’t go on a motorway as so nervous and your actions could cause an accident if someone is joining the motorways and you won’t move to middle lane

Think the law is different now. You have to drive on a motorway to pass your driving test. I think this is a good idea

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 24/04/2018 10:37

I think it would be a bit inappropriate to bring your partner if none of the rest are - really changes the dynamic. As far as the driving goes, everything is scary until you try and there has to be a first time. Get your big girl pants on and get it done! You'll have a lot more freedom if you can drive in varied conditions on any road and your confidence will only build if you keep on trying.

bonpinkbon · 24/04/2018 10:42

Are you this pedantic with most things in your life?

Summergarden · 24/04/2018 11:00

Yes def ok to ask your partner to accompany you in the car but only if he is willing to amuse himself while you are with your friends. Friendships are important so it’s good to make the effort to be there, but forcing your DH on them is worse than not going at all. It makes the conversation sterile as they won’t be able to talk about things that they would feel comfortable without him being there.

Please don’t put them in the awkward position of feeling they have to say yes to him being there- it is clearly not a couples meet up.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 24/04/2018 11:01

@Blondeshavemorefun £1k is good for a new driver. My renewal is £700 when I have been driving 18 years but have no no claims past three years.

And learners are not allowed on motorways. Until June when the law changes.

MargaretCavendish · 24/04/2018 11:02

I have also found the OP a bit irritating at points in this thread, but I don't know why people keep questioning her on known, established facts, like the cost of her insurance, or the lack of easier driving routes. If you're just not going to accept any aspect of the OP as true you can't really meaningfully engage with the thread.

coffeeforone · 24/04/2018 11:41

A pp mentioned that what happened to me was unusual with the car almost cutting into my lane. It really isn't.

In my experience it doesn't happen that often (not where the driver cutting you up would beep at you and panic you). Yes of course there are drivers who need to exit and are too impatient to wait behind those in the inside lane for the last mile before a junction, they judge it wrong, cant get a gap and shoot across at the last minute. Assuming that's the type of situation you are describing I don't think they would beep you!

ShellyBoobs · 24/04/2018 11:49

Sell the car and send your licence back.

You'll have plenty of money for the cab.

jellygumboots · 24/04/2018 12:05

Could you car share with your friend and she drops you off in a cafe or the venue to read a book until everyone arrives?

MrsKoala · 24/04/2018 12:23

Margaret - I didn't say childless peoples time was worthless or endless, I just know that pre dc i had a lot more of it so could afford to be more generous with it. I also didn't say it would be presented as a lovely treat. I said i personally probably would actually quite enjoy it as some quiet time to myself. If DH tried to sell it to me as a treat he'd get laughed at! I wouldn't see it as a massive favour tho. I would see letting someone live with us rent free for a year to get back on their feet a massive favour. Taking a week off work to help a friend recover from surgery would be a big favour. Driving my anxious spouse somewhere and spending 2 hours alone would be a meh favour, as would picking them up from the airport. I certainly wouldn't expect gushing thanks from them if i did it.

I wouldn't be pulling face if I told dh i was anxious about something and asked for his help and he responded by saying he'd sell my property. I do however understand sometimes a bit of tough love is needed (my dh is sympathetic to a limit when i am scared of skiing and wont let me chicken out when he knows i can do it), but i would expect him to say he would accompany me while i drove and help me practice and that i was a good driver and I needed more confidence and should have motorway lessons etc.

Like you OP i'm actually a good town/city driver (way better than my DH whose been driving for nearly 20 years) because I learned in London. I love weaving in and out and anticipating other cars. What i hate is hurtling along at speed on a road with bigger things hurtling alongside me.

The advice to just drive on a motorway if you are frightened is irresponsible. People could die. Much more sensible to build up confidence gradually.

Original poster

Tobringornottobring · 24/04/2018 12:58

Mrskoala I feel like you're my kindred spirit . Like your DH, my DP will give me a push if he thinks I can do something and I just need encouragement. But he wouldn't expect me just to go off and drive on the motorway if I'm not confident. He is very positive about my driving generally and feels I will improve on motorways with time and a bigger/ better car which will help my confidence. Ultimately he is happy to drive longer journeys, or on the busier stretches, and let me do the driving I feel able to. Which I think is a sign of a good partnership!

Thanks to other posters with kind words! Bumper I will have another look at the route, it involves crossing the river though so my options are the QE2 bridge or the Blackwall Tunnel which limits the choices.

I'd initially offered to car share with friend as my plan was to drive with her but she declined. She also has said she isnt giving a lift to another (nom driver) friend who lives a couple of miles from the venue. I could pick that friend up but it wouldn't help with the motorway issue as I wouldn't be picking her up until after I'd done all the motorway part of the journey.

OP posts:

CharlieAustinsMagicHat · 24/04/2018 14:47

If you’re crossing the river can you cross at Tower Bridge and cut back through London? Should cut out the motorway then.

Whizbang · 24/04/2018 15:01

Don’t you want to at least try to stop being so frightened of seemingly everything? It must be so exhausting and life limiting? TBH I find your attitude really frustrating....you have a textbook ‘can’t do’ attitude and refuse to even contemplate the various sensible suggestions because it’s all too scary. Your life and opportunities would really open up if you would only push yourself out of your comfort zone to overcome the fear.

As a previous poster said, none of us drive on motorways just for the thrill of it. We feel anxious too sometimes but we strive to overcome it so as not to limit ourselves and to avoid imposing on others. The end it’s up to you, but remember that your limitations are self imposed here.

Crispbutty · 24/04/2018 15:43

Driving in London on the main roads is much much more stressful and risky than being on the M25. It really is. I lived in central London so I have experience of both. On the motorway you have no pedestrians, no cyclists, no traffic lights, no crossings... and on a Sunday it is fairly quiet with few lorries too.

MrsKoala · 24/04/2018 16:19

Whizbang - what sensible suggestions has the op rejected because she is too scared? I can only see one - the one where posters have told her to just drive on the motorway regardless of how frightened she finds it.

The op has said she is planning to do motorway lessons and practice, so she is addressing her fears - just not at the timescale or method that some pp would like.

Original poster

Tobringornottobring · 24/04/2018 17:01

Whizbang, patronising much?

My life opportunities are just fine thanks. I have a good job, my own home, a supportive partner. I have my own car and I can drive, although so admit at the moment I don't have the confidence to drive on a motorway.

What exactly am I missing right now by not doing so? Nothing.

At worst I might miss this meet up, but if I don't want to miss it I can always take the train, albeit I'd prefer not to.

OP posts:

bearbehind · 24/04/2018 18:40

OP, why haven't you done the simplist thing and asked your DP if he'll hang around whilst you attend this event?

It seems most odd to me that you haven't done this already.

if your alternative is to drop out then you are being very unfair on your friends by leaving it later and later when you could just tell them now.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/04/2018 18:56

I’m near qe2 bridge. It’s easy to cross or tunnel depending which way you are going - esp since removed the barriers

And sundays are def quieter

Where are you meeting? Coming from? Maybe someone can offer other suggestions how to get there

Original poster

Tobringornottobring · 24/04/2018 19:25

Bear, i haven't asked him because I haven't seen him as he was away yesterday and i didn't know until then that friend wasn't willing to car share. Had she been, this issue wouldn't have arisen. I'll discuss it with him tonight.

Blondes, I have driven parts of the route on weekends and it's not easy for me (just like my very technical job which is easy for me isn't for others) I know I am not confident enough to do the drive on my own yet - and there are no routes which don't involve the motorway or driving into London via the A13/ A127.

OP posts:

AthenaAshton · 24/04/2018 21:25

Tobring, I think I have RTFT several times over, but have you yet said how old you are?

bumpertobumper · 29/04/2018 17:09

What happened OP?
Did you get to see your friends?

RoseWhiteTips · 29/04/2018 17:10

Have you said how old you are!? Lol

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14