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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider bringing my DP with me?

349 replies

Tobringornottobring · 23/04/2018 14:24

Am meeting up with a small group of friends soon for afternoon tea and catch up.

The venue selected is about 25 miles from me; the major part of that journey is on one of the busiest motorways in the country.

I'm a relatively inexperienced driver. I use my car daily on my own but it's all town driving, with some dual carriageway. I have driven a couple of times briefly on the motorway but I've always had someone with me.

I've never driven to this place and I am apprehensive. I've offered to car share with another friend (they drive to me, then I drive) but they've said they've got some errands to run so are going early. The others going are travelling from other directions, so are further from me than the venue.

My DP doesn't have any plans and would happily accompany me in the car, or indeed drive me if I preferred (but I'd like to try the drive for my own confidence) DP gets on well with my friends but I don't want to be the person who always brings her partner along....

That said I'm really apprehensive about doing the drive on my own if I don't. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tobringornottobring · 23/04/2018 15:07

The motorway has a lot of junctions on the stretch I'll be on, so staying in the inside lane (which I have to because my car has a black box so if I go over the speed limit I get penalised on my insurance!) keeping my distance etc is hard because of people cutting in front, pulling out etc.

DP would be willing to come to the meet up if I asked, he'll do what makes me happy. I will see how he would feel about doing something else. There isn't much locally however and he isn't really the go and sit in a pub/ coffee shop with a book type...

None of the friends going are on the way, they are further than the venue. The only one who is (actually I'm on her way in fact) has declined my offer to car share.

OP posts:
Frosty66612 · 23/04/2018 15:09

Is there a cinema nearby he could go and watch a film at?

itallhappensforareason · 23/04/2018 15:10

There must be another way to get there without using the motorway. Granted it might take a bit longer but at least you would feel more comfortable? Do you have a satnav you can type the post code into and select "avoiding motorways"? Pretty sure you can do this on AA Route Planner as well.

KimchiLaLa · 23/04/2018 15:10

Please don't do this. Your friends will politely endure him but it's not fair on them. If you've passed you should deal with the journey. Don't be my MIL who basically needs my DH to drive her anywhere which isn't 5 minutes away.

OlennasWimple · 23/04/2018 15:10

My DP would hate to come to a meet up with my friends but would be in the pub watching the football able to amuse himself for a few hours

Though at some point you do need to be a confident enough driver to be able to drive on motorways on your own, even busy ones (I totally hear you that some are worse than others - but at least Sunday lunch time / afternoon shoudl be quiet)

SandyY2K · 23/04/2018 15:11

Please don't take your DH along with you, there is nothing more annoying than a partner turning up to a girly get-together!

Agreed.

A friend once brought her DD18 without telling us ...having decided she was an adult so okay to join us on a girls night out. I wasn't impressed and it totally changed the flow of the evening.

An 18 yo with ladies in their 40s didn't really go down well.

Afterwards a couple of said it wasn't cool at all.

bizzers · 23/04/2018 15:11

Could he not take the car and just go somewhere else while you're with your friends?

WineAndTiramisu · 23/04/2018 15:12

Surely if its a Sunday, the motorway will be less busy than usual, might be the best time to try again.

Another option is going with the friends who is leaving early to run errands, just go with her!

Or find another route that doesn't involve the motorway, I promise you there is one! Google maps has an "avoid motorways" option

elevent · 23/04/2018 15:12

Honestly, don't be that friend!

The only reasonable options are

  1. suck it up and drive by yourself
  2. DH comes along for the drive but amuses himself you cannot, I repeat, CANNOT have him come for the tea
  3. don't go.
AJPTaylor · 23/04/2018 15:13

Can you get some motorway driving lessons?

ilovesooty · 23/04/2018 15:13

I'm not offering an opinion on the driving aspect - you know how you feel, but I'd be so pissed off if you brought your partner I'd never want to join social occasions involving you again.

Hogtini · 23/04/2018 15:13

I think you need to put your big girl pants on here. What would you do if you didn't have a partner?

You will feel so proud of yourself for pushing yourself to do this!

I'd be super annoyed if a friend brought their partner to a girly meet up. If he does come with you then def arrange for him to be elsewhere.

BitchQueen90 · 23/04/2018 15:14

If it were me and I really couldn't face the drive then I would just not go altogether rather than bring my DP along. I hate it when people do this.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/04/2018 15:15

You can't take your DP along to afternoon tea with the girls. Don't be that person

This! Please don't!

MirriVan · 23/04/2018 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ViceAdmiralAmilynHoldo · 23/04/2018 15:15

I was very scared of motorways for a long time. The only way to learn is to do it.

If you don't think your DP can occupy himself for a couple of hours at the destination you need to drive by yourself. These are your options. Do not take hime to the tea!

Have a good look at the route. Look at all the junctions. Work out what lane you need to be in when. Some Sat Navs even tell you what lane to get into as you approach a junction.

You can do this.

rach01pink · 23/04/2018 15:15

You're possibly over thinking it. Just do it and when you get home safely you will feel so empowered! Otherwise your life will be limited by motorways..

I am a very nervous driver and get anxious if I have to go anywhere I haven't been before or if I have to drive in the dark..personally I find motorways so much nicer than any other roads as all the traffic is going one way and the lanes are wide. Just sit in the slow lane if someone cuts in front them slow down and keep big gaps..

summerinthecountry · 23/04/2018 15:16

No, you can't take him definitely not. He could go and watch a film or something whilst he waits for you, but I am pretty sure your friends will not want to spend the evening with your dp.

Crispbutty · 23/04/2018 15:16

It’s only 25 miles. Can’t he just drop you off and you get a lift back with the friend who couldn’t take you as she was setting off early?

PinkCalluna · 23/04/2018 15:16

keeping my distance etc is hard because of people cutting in front, pulling out etc.

I don’t mean to be harsh to be honest if you can’t do the above I’m not really sure you should be driving at all.

Get yourself some motorway lessons.

SchoolMoney · 23/04/2018 15:17

Another vote for please don't bring him. Honestly, your friends would probably be polite if he did show up but it wouldn't go down well. If he can't amuse himself somewhere nearby while you're there and you won't drive yourself/get public transport you have to decline sorry. I say this as someone who can't drive and has had to do the same because I wouldn't dare bring DH along.

Original poster
Tobringornottobring · 23/04/2018 15:18

The only way of avoiding the motorway adds about 15 miles and half an hour to the journey and involves a very very busy 3 and 4 lane A road which is about as bad as the motorway. There isn't any other route than that.

OP posts:
Kidssendingmenuts · 23/04/2018 15:18

Look..... at some point your going to have to drive on the motorway on your own. You can't go through life avoiding them or taking someone with you. Bite the bullet and do it, first time is scary but once your on your on! Xx

Hogtini · 23/04/2018 15:20

In that case, I would suggest you do a pass plus course if you're really that apprehensive. Sorry to be harsh but as an anxious/cautious /hesitant driving could be a danger to other road users.

Trinity66 · 23/04/2018 15:21

It’s only 25 miles. Can’t he just drop you off and you get a lift back with the friend who couldn’t take you as she was setting off early?

probably the best suggestion yet tbh