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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parents having a favourite child

202 replies

cuddly61 · 17/04/2018 22:46

So who watched morning tv with the mother who was saying she has a favourite child and made no secret of it to her other children?
It was like she was almost proud to be saying it.
I know someone who has a favourite child ,that child is now a 40 something adult but still clearly the favourite even though her mother denies having favourites but it’s crystal clear .

OP posts:

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 17/04/2018 22:53

My parents have a clear favourite child. The favourite hates it, the rest of us hate it and our parents will be put in the first available care home at the first available opportunity.
My kids sometimes ask me to pick a favourite but they are obviously glad that I refuse. Partly because I don't have a favourite at all, (they are all fabulous), but also because I wouldn't want to do to my kids what my parents did to us.

fc301 · 17/04/2018 22:54

Didn't see it.
Having favourites is IMO dreadfully toxic and damaging to the golden child AND the others.
People are ignorant.

bippityboppityboop · 17/04/2018 22:55

It's disgusting, I could never knowingly make my kids feel inadequate like that.

My in-laws have a clear favourite grandchild and it makes me want to throat punch them.

MrsSmile · 17/04/2018 22:56

We have a joke about the “golden child” and all my kids joke about being it.

My kids are so different I love them all individually and would never ever be able to choose between them.

qwertyuiopy · 17/04/2018 22:57

Didn't see the tv thing.

Sister was favourite child. She was given everything and didn't have to have after school chores or a paper round. In fact I had Saturday jobs and mother upped sisters pocket money to the same as I was getting in pay "to make it fair".

We're middle aged now. Mother continued to support sister, paid her mortgage when she gave up her job, paid for holidays, a car. Mother went int care home then died, all the money was used up. My sister is in huge debt, she just can't support herself, she doesn't know how. I have very nice income and own my home.

Favourites often get the worst end of the deal in the long run.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 17/04/2018 22:57

I have many many dc but certainly don't have a favourite.. That woman is a disgrace.

PerfectlyDone · 17/04/2018 22:58

What is your AIBU about?

Fwiw, my favourite child is always the one that happens to be the least irritating one at any given time. I have 4.

scotchpie · 17/04/2018 23:01

My mum does but I think that's down to my sIl being a full on toxic crank and she worries more about my brother.
However, she definitely does favour his kids over all 10 grandchildren which is pretty sad.

MsJolly · 17/04/2018 23:01

My two eldest think the youngest is my favourite-he's not, but because he's 5yrs younger than the oldest and 3yrs younger than my middle DC, he obviously has slightly more leeway due to his age and lack of understanding/maturity. They think that partly due to the fact that they also are not grownups. I so hope they look back and realise I just don't have a favourite-they all have something so unique and special that yes my love may be different for each, it is not more or less than their siblings. Just different.

steff13 · 17/04/2018 23:02

We don't have favorites. I like to tell the each of them they used to be my favorite, but now they're not when they bug me, or they're my favorite when they do something good. It's a family joke; they know no one is the favorite.

Outnotdown · 17/04/2018 23:03

My mil has a favourite, out of six kids. They all joke about it and my DH says it doesn't bother him in the slightest.

I think it's horrible. And I'm sure some of the non favorites are laughing through gritted teeth every time the joke gets trotted out

Lifeaback · 17/04/2018 23:03

It disgusted me. Her poor children. I don't even want to think about the consequences on all 4 of them as they grow up. I don't understand how she could be so proud to admit it, and it worries me that she seemed to honestly beleive their wouldn't be any consequences on the kids

ifcatscouldtalk · 17/04/2018 23:22

I didn't see this but it sounds awful. I have one child so not in positon to pick a favourite. Having said that my daughter was favourite grandchild for a while.It was suffocating for us and got on my nerves, properly put my sister in law's nose out of joint. Playing favourites never ends well.
I have smiled at some of the more humorous replies.

Fruitcorner123 · 17/04/2018 23:28

I genuinely don't understand how a mother could have a favourite child. It baffles me. It's so unnatural.

sweatylemon · 17/04/2018 23:30

My father has a favourite, and it is not me :(

JaceLancs · 17/04/2018 23:31

I’m quite lucky - I have a favourite son and also a favourite daughter
In case anyone wonders I only have 2 DC
They get the joke
I appreciate different things about each of them but cannot imagine choosing between them

redastherose · 17/04/2018 23:31

My younger sister was always my dm's favourite (baby of the family, allowed to get away with things etc) never cut the apron strings and it has done her no favours as she hasn't ever stood on her own two feet properly and has little life of her own. I'm rather glad I was the ignored middle child! My older Brother was favoured in another way (only boy, allowed more freedom, encouraged to do well at school) he basically refused to work hard to spite our parents. Has spent his life drifting and doing little and has turned out to be quite a selfish person.

My stbxh was the golden child to my mil (narcissist) his older brother was the whipping boy. Stbxh always said it wasn't right but sort of excused his dm saying that they just had more similar interests/his dB was a difficult child etc. Stbxh turned out to be as much of a lying narc as his dm and having doted on our dd1when she was little and compliant started turning against her as she became more of a person in her own right. When we had dd2 he started showing an obvious preference for dd2 as she was younger and gave him unconditional love regardless of his behaviour! Very very hurtful to DD1. Fortunately DD's love each other and he hasn't managed to drive a wedge between them.

NKFell · 17/04/2018 23:32

My children know I don't hav a favourite but when one does something nice I loudly proclaim they're now my favourite or if one does something mean I say they're not my favourite anymore. I have 4 and it's a family joke, seriously having favourites is disgusting and damaging to all.

LegallyBrunet · 17/04/2018 23:34

I’m one of six. We joke about my mum having a favourite but in reality the sibling we all perceive as the favourite has severe disabilities so needs more attention because of that, not because he actually is the favourite —although he totally is—

BrutusMcDogface · 17/04/2018 23:38

I have a favourite big girl/little girl/boy. They all know they are loved and special in their own right and for different reasons. This is so sad, that someone could go on tv and proudly proclaim that she has a favourite

tiddliewinkiewoo · 17/04/2018 23:42

I'm the 'favourite' child out of 3 sisters. As unpalatable that is to some.

My mum however would never admit it. And would never show it intentionally.

We are really close, and she often rings me saying my elder sister has done 'this and that'. My elder sister is lovely but one of these people that has to be 'right' and a drama queen.

ScipioAfricanus · 17/04/2018 23:44

My parents have a favourite but work hard not to actually favour that child. It’s clear to us though. That sibling was an easier child and is more similar to my mum. They were babied well into their 30s. However the sibling does need more parental support for various reasons so I try not to let it bother me. I get v sensitive if I perceive any favouritism of grandchildren though. Luckily I only have one child so he’s my favourite and I love having only one niece and nephew so I can tell them they are my favourite too. In reality I don’t think I could ever favour one child over another but if I did I would work so hard not to show it and not go on tv to proclaim it to all and sundry!

ScipioAfricanus · 17/04/2018 23:49

Interesting, tiddlie. I have a different personality from the rest of my family (I am honest and I also deal with emotional problems rather than pretending they don’t exist and then having fall out from that psychologically). My parents would have called me a drama queen in my younger years certainly. It’s hard not being the ‘correct’ personality for the family and not fitting in. Despite a very dull life I consider myself the black sheep because of it. Lucky I met DH and formed my own family which has more shared personality and values.

I am close to parents and sibling despite all this though.

PinkCalluna · 17/04/2018 23:50

I would find it completely impossible to choose a favourite between my children they are both wonderful.

Sadly I do know two families where there are definite favourites. The parents don’t openly express it of course but it’s very very obvious from their behaviour.

In one case it’s the older child in the other it’s the younger.

Interestingly from my point of view the favourite child in both cases are much more difficult, less well behaved and considerably less fun to spend time with.

I’ve often wondered how the other children feel about it.

CountFosco · 17/04/2018 23:59

I have a favourite, it keeps changing though, depends who is being the least annoying

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