Parents having a favourite child

[cuddly61]

So who watched morning tv with the mother who was saying she has a favourite child and made no secret of it to her other children?
It was like she was almost proud to be saying it.
I know someone who has a favourite child ,that child is now a 40 something adult but still clearly the favourite even though her mother denies having favourites but it’s crystal clear .

NoIsACompleteAnswerSometimes - Yep, middle child here too (and same (female) sex as pfb- the worst possible family position), so it was always going to be a rough ride. Golden child is no. 3, youngest, only boy, who left this country 25 years ago. Dad passed away last year, so for some reason I am now the favoured one (or so it feels) - driving Mum everywhere (pfb can't drive), sorting out her money/legal affairs and anything else required.... If you have spent your whole life trying to prove you are as good as your siblings, you may well step into the fray to sort your parents out, as you have learnt many important skills that your siblings have never needed.

I have to say I worry about this. I have one dd(3) and am due dd2 mid may. At the present moment I don’t quite see how I could ever love a second child as much as I love my dd, though I’m aware lots of people think like this and it does happen! If for whatever reason I do end up having a favourite I would make damn sure not to ever let on.

My step mum knows a family who have two girls, one now about 14 and one about 10. She says she always remembers the older girls 8th or 9th birthday when the younger sibling came up to her, the mum and a few others and the mum said “Oh, this one’s my favourite.” In total seriousness. My step mum was horrified and let her know - imagine doing that at the other child’s birthday! My step mum has a theory that it was because the older child was plainer, serious and quite shy whereas the younger had done some child modelling, was outgoing and vivacious. The mum was a dramatic type herself.

All these threads are the same. Parents swear blind they have no favourites. Children see it very differently.

In my family we have two boys, ages 19 and 16, and a girl age 7. They are treated differently, and we are more lenient with our daughter, because of her age. The boys may see that as favoritism, but it isn't; what they don't see is that they were given the same leeway when they were 7. And as she gets older, our expectations of her will increase, and she will get less leeway, just as they did as they got older. So children may see it differently, but it's not necessarily different.

All these threads are the same. Parents swear blind they have no favourites. Children see it very differently

Nope. I have 2 DCs and they know very well my thoughts on favouritism. We've always talked about different stuff openly. + my mum is still alive..DCs are early 20s now and of course, they can see their grandmother's blatant favouritism towards their aunt (my sister) for themselves. They knew as children. Children come into awareness a lot sooner than we think they do, don't they.

Mind you my mum would rather cut out her tongue than admit she has a favourite child so you're not entirely wrong.

Maybe this thread should be about grandparents too..or not repeating the toxic behaviours of a parent.

My Mum had a favourite - my eldest sister, my middle sister and I (the youngest) were very aware of it - we trod on eggshells all our childhood because if we did anything to upset the favourite child we were in trouble - we had to put up with any amount of shit -verbal and physical abuse from my sister because we weren;t allowed to cross her. Everyone int he family (aunts uncles) and neighbours were all aware of this favouritism - it was regularly commented on, and excuses made for it.

Now we are grown up, my Mum is very elderly and infirm. Eldest sister is still veyr much the favourite - she has robbed my mother blind - tricked her into giving her all her money and any valuables (my sister's children used to just help themsleves from my Mother's purse or take stuff like antiques etc from her house)

Middle sister and I are NC with eldest sister now - neither of us wanted to risk our chidren being hurt by her the way we were. The painful thing is that my mother dotes on my sister (who is now about 65) and my sister had nothing but comtempt for her. Sad and unnecessary.

My grown up children know I love them both with an equal fierceness and would do anything for them in a heartbeat. They do complain that I favour the dog though

I grew up kneeing my GP had a favourite GD & GS. I thought it was normal, but I did always think why wasn't I the favourite. I did everything I could to be good, was very studious etc. In fact I got the opposite, I got constant compared to relatives either aunts/uncles & 2nd/3rd cousins a lot older who achieved this & that. Like I wasn't sporty in the least, their niece was really sporty, good for her. At every opportunity oh your aunt/uncle did this, I'd be thinking they're double my age surely it's not comparable, but to GP it was.

I was at a presentation evening and the head of college said how proud they must have been of me. My GP piped up this was the DC's 2nd degree and only my first. I was 21 they were in their 40's.

I always joked I could find the cure for cancer and it wouldn't have been good enough. A DC would have done something better.

Even now we all know who the favourites are with my parents. It's quite odd really. I've said before anything involving them it's a family reunion, me or other siblings, it's pretty much crack on with it, kind of thing. I feel more sorry for younger siblings who require more validation than the older ones.

It's obvious the woman on TV favoured this child as going by the names this was the only girl?

It's funny in a way as I noticed on FB a phenomenon when it came to say 3rd DC or DC later in life. They would breastfeed even if they verged on the edge of insanity. They did cloth nappies, baby led weaning, any trend they were on it.

With one friend there wasn't much of a gap between first 2 DC & 2nd DC is younger than my eldest. I queried why BF was only so important now, when I did it as long as I could with both DC's. It was cited about information and support. But to me my DC's both got BF as long as I could without everything there is today. I researched & discovered fenugreek tablets & the like. I had this unusual aroma emitting from me like maple syrup.

But to get back on track, with this friend I'd say maybe the 4th is the favourite. You can see a total shift in personality from the 3rd who was doted in till 4th came. The child seems very detached now, if that's a thing.

It was also a big this with my Mum that a sibling was preferred to her. I think it was at a party for one of my siblings. I had HG with both pregnancies, I was about 5/6 months and I saw the food and was hungry, surely some kind of miracle. I just pulled the cellophane to grab a cheese sandwich. My Mum went mental that my Grandparents hadn't arrived to witness her amazing buffet.

I actually said you know they'll say oh 'x' does it better. Why even bother? my first act of true defiance in 30 odd years I ate the bloody sandwich, as to me being hungry for the first time in 6 months meant more than a sandwich missing from a concentric circle.

If you spoke to my GM a woman in her 80's she still has nothing positive to say about either parent.

So the buck stopped at me. You can either carry on the 'oh my parents were crap I'll drink a bottle of gin a night after spending 3 hours shrieking at your DC's!' Or you can adopt a positive parenting technique, no smacking, very very rarely shouting, it's amazing the DC's actually behave and you only need to change the tone in your voice and they'll listen and not want to be told why the behaviour is negative.

The woman on TV made a comment about her eldest two, that made me think the youngest child must be or will be so confused. The golden child getting fired on, the eldest two she's already labelled, children love acting out to labels. I don't know if anyone said to her do you think the eldest two act in a negative manner because they're trying to get attention, even if it's a bollocking.

God help her when they get to secondary school age, as she'll be going grey & need professional help as they'll do anything to get attention, even hanging around with people Mummy thinks are undesirable.

My sister is the favourite. Our parents swear blind they didn’t have one, and to be fair, I don’t remember her getting less punishments, more presents etc. It was more, they seemed to revel in her company, whereas I sort of felt a bit like I annoyed them. A lot of off hand comments which they probably didn’t think meant anything but it was always ‘you’re very academic, but your sister is a brilliant singer’ said when I wanted to try out for a choir. I don’t feel resentful now as such, but even now my parents get much more excited to see her than they do me

I was my mother's least favourite. She actually made a comment when I said one of my DC was like me 'oh no, you were a much harder child to like'. Luckily my Dad loved me unconditionally so it wasn't too toxic. I suspect she found being a parent harder than she expected and as the eldest I got the brunt of that. The middle child in our family remembers a lot of what happened when we were young but the youngest think we are making it up . She's obsessed about being fair and so I get lots of compliments about my (ok but nothing special) appearance but my (much more impressive) academic ability and career successes are always played down. It's all a bit strange but she tried her hardest, I don't think my grandmother was a very loving mother (Mum didn't complain about her but there are one or two comments that lead me to think that plus there's a tragic backstory) so Mum had to learn that on the job.

I think all parents are a product of their own upbringing. Some of the (good and bad) ways DH and I parent are directly handed down from our parents, some things are us reacting to our own upbringing and some are things we get wrong all by ourselves. I hope we pass on more good than bad to our own kids but sometimes worry that we're fucking them up in ways we aren't even considering.

Didn’t see the tv thing but it’s ridiculous to have a favourite child. My children are my favourite people in the world. They are both unique

Surely there is a huge difference between treating children differently and favouritism? Depending on age and personality, different situations etc treating them differently may be entirely appropriate.

And memory is deceptive, both what parents remember about their DCs upbringing and what children remember.

Or is that just me?

I have not rtft but a wise elderly lady told me a mothers favorite child is mostly the child that needs the most attention.

From the few posts I read the favoured child usually does need extra financial emotional help etc. I wonder is it because they were spoilt or needed more care and attention making them seem the favoured child.

My dad favoured my step sister over me - I was always too big for cuddles and sitting on his knee (she wasn't). And only one picture exists of us together with me under 18 (she has HUNDREDS of pics growing up with my dad). Even when him and the ex split up, he has her over at his place every weekend (he saw me for an hour ever 10 weeks). I just wish that he had made me feel special too, loved even. His lack of a bond with me is likely why I jumpt at the attention from other men, would clime all over my mum's male mates. Sit on their knees for ages hugging. I was quite a kind loving child really, a little time and attention and I would lap it up.

My mums favourite is my older sister, me and my brother really don't mind, but annoying that my ds kids are favourite gc but we can deal with it. But parents have moved overseas to be near sis so she gets all the old age problems 😁

loubeylou And that’s the thing. The favourite can have all the problems in return thanks for their spoiltness!

From the few posts I read the favoured child usually does need extra financial emotional help etc. I wonder is it because they were spoilt or needed more care and attention making them seem the favoured child.

My mother has created two lazy, incompetent man-children - I pity whoever they marry because they are accustomed to being the centre of attention and waited on hand and foot. They are reasonably intelligent but didn't put the effort in to get to good universities, could be reasonably capable but have never put a full day's work in and mama's boys who didn't spend a night away from my mother until they were over 21.

They are exactly what they have been groomed to be, I loathe and pity them in equal measure!

My DM favours my younger brother and it’s always been incredibly clear to see. It’s possibly because he is her ‘baby’ but I think it’s simply because she has more in common with him as a person.

We have different Father’s and my DF is middle class whereas my DM and dbro’s dad are working class. I favoured my DF as a child, have grown up like him and his family, got a degree etc and overall just relate to that side a lot more. My Dbro is 19, dropped out of uni and works FT in McDonald’s yet my Mum always seems to be prouder of him. I just think they’re cut from the same cloth so to speak and I’m a bit of an alien to her. It doesn’t bother me anymore but it was hurtful when I was younger.

I've only got one child for now so it's not my concern right now but personally I can see how parents could potentially have a favourite child , espeacilly if ones particularly naughty/difficult. However I would never tell anyone or publicly broadcast it, that's so hurtful towards the other children. And all my children would be treated the same regardless.

I always say that one of my three DC takes up much more than 33% of my parenting energy - generally daffy and has health problems. I worry that the other two will think he is my favourite but he isn't - I love them all equally.

Funnily enough when we were growing up we had a cousin who clearly seemed to be the GP's favourite, and just generally got a lot of positive attention from the family as a whole. When challenged, my Mum said "she just got attention because she was always in trouble." However I could give examples of how my Mum has herself fawned over this cousin. That said, cousin, who is a grandmother now, is a really nice person, pretty, friendly, easy to talk to and kind so I rather suspect she simply charmed everyone.

I don't yet have DC, but I was the favourite child and grandchild growing up. It was awful. I felt suffocated and awful being smothered in attention and affection, called "queen", having siblings and cousins compared to me. They were clearly very resentful towards me which made me an awkward social outcast.

I'm in my mid-20s now and I avoid socialising with the family at all costs. I do wonder if I'd be close to any of the 20+ cousins I have if I hadn't been singled out all my life.

I was a middle child. My Older sister was my father’s favourite and my younger brother was my mother’s. I sometimes felt that my mother actually hated me. It’s given me a lack of self esteem a nd confidence my whole life... I’m 64 now

Despite being an only child, I was definitely not the favourite child growing up!!

I now have 2 stepchildren, my DSD is definitely not her mother's favourite, but is her father's favourite (Despite his protests that he doesn't have favourites) Their mother favours my DSS. Im already saving up for their therapy when they're older

My children (now 26 and 29) always asked who was the favourite to be told I had the best boy and the best girl in the world. (I lied as when they were little they were the worst boy and the worst girl). I think picking favourites is toxic. My mother favours my eldest as he's the only boy GC out of six. My sister favours her youngest. It's horrible for the others. It makes life hard for the favourite when they grow up and the others simmer with resentment forever if it doesn't actually give them real psychological problems.

This woman is just a media whore, paid to spout controversial shit on telling. Don’t add to her publicity, it’s what gives her work.

I have a favourite 2yr old and a favourite 5yr old. I have 2 children aged 2 & 5.....