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Original poster

Parents having a favourite child

202 replies

cuddly61 · 17/04/2018 22:46

So who watched morning tv with the mother who was saying she has a favourite child and made no secret of it to her other children?
It was like she was almost proud to be saying it.
I know someone who has a favourite child ,that child is now a 40 something adult but still clearly the favourite even though her mother denies having favourites but it’s crystal clear .

OP posts:
Feb2018mumma · 18/04/2018 06:37

My husband is his mum's favourite child, before me she let herself in his house to clean and do his washing ect. It has ruined our marriage imo, now I don't want her to let herself in to do things she feels useless so is constantly crying and texting my husband, I can honestly say I have thought about leaving 100 times, she has 2 other sons but my husband is the only one who she likes to drop in on unnanounced all the time and call all the time, it's draining as we never even get an afternoon out without feeling bad she wasn't invited... She's a crier, they put so much energy into these favourite children that they fight to let them go and have their own life!

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 18/04/2018 06:38

No favourites but always like the one giving me less hassle at anytime the best 😂 Both my kids get the same amount of love and attention. I do know some parents have favourites my grandparents were prime examples who thought the sun shined out of my uncles ass.... so much so they even favoured his children which resulted in them hardly seeing thier kids or grandchildren because they pushed them all away. Now uncles oldest son is golden boy as he’s the only grandchild gone to uni and he lives nearby and visits them regularly.

mrsreynolds · 18/04/2018 06:42

Eldest of 3 here
Youngest is favourite (only boy too)
It's really really shit
It's not done him any favours though
And although I'm the least favoured child I'm her executor and POA
How sad is that?
She might love him and my sister more but she sure as hell doesn't trust them!

QueenofmyPrinces · 18/04/2018 06:48

I was my mom’s favourite and my sister was my dad’s favourite. My childhood was not spent feeling great because I was favoured by my mom and was instead centred on the feeling of rejection I had knowing my dad preferred my sister over me. I’m very positive my sister felt exactly the same way but vice Versa.

I have two sons and my eldest is my favourite big boy and my youngest is my favourite little boy. That’s that I tell them and my oldest seems satisfied with that.

NotAnotherDodgyNameChange · 18/04/2018 06:50

So I've name changed for this so that my kids won't ever find it but: I have two children, boy and girl, 5 and 2. I know this might change in the future, but my elder child has been FUCKING difficult all his life--slept poorly as a baby, super fussy eater, really stubborn about doing things for himself, refused to play on his own until very recently, whiny...my daughter was a good sleeper, eats food, and is fiercely independent. I love my kids equally and would lay down my life for either one of them. My son will be a brilliantly successful adult, but many of the reasons that is true make him enormously difficult to parent. It's really bloody hard for that not to seem like favouritism.

Catspaws · 18/04/2018 06:52

I suppose you can't help having a favourite if that's how you feel but I think it's a parent's job to fight against that feeling and at the very least make sure it's NEVER obvious to any of the kids. Bragging about it on TV is horrendous.

Beaverhausen · 18/04/2018 06:55

I love my in laws dearly, they are fantastic. But my BIL is definitely their favorite and his children, I dread Xmas and the two weeks that they are up here to spend with all of us.

But my in laws always go that extra mile for them and DP knows I dread Xmas as they are all high earners my In laws are retired but very well off and we are just working class so can not afford all the same luxuries as they do.

Last year Xmas they got nieces extra Xmas presents and not DD which they handed to nieces after all the gifts were given out in front of DD. My poor child sat there and asked me where hers was, I made an excuse, I always try and make it up to my DD but we are never quite on par to them.

I do not know whether DP is blissfully unaware or just does not let it get to him. Cest La Vie!

tenbob · 18/04/2018 06:56

DH's sister is the clear favourite of their family.

She got a car for passing her driving test, DH got added onto his mum's cars insurance
MIL doesn't shut up about the time she ran a 10k and has photos of her with a medal. They were 'too busy' to come and see DH and me doing a marathon and it's never been mentioned since
She is the least academic of the siblings (DH has a masters, his brother has a PhD) but they are regularly told he is 'wasted' in her job as a teacher and could 'teach them a thing or two' about their jobs

She obviously loves her sons as well, and doesn't seem to realise she is doing it but it drives us all a bit mad.

When she came to meet our DC1, she had massive mentionitis for SIL's DS which I found really hurtful
She didn't seem to enjoy him as a baby, just as a comparison tool for SILs DS

StoorieHoose · 18/04/2018 06:58

I’m the oldest of three and I might have been the favourite child until my sister came along when I was 2! Then my brother came along when I was as 10 and he is the golden child. So I am quite low down the pecking order - however both siblings have moved away and I wouldn’t think they have any plans on returning to our neck of the woods so the care home decision will be up to me and I am buggered if I will be running about after them when they struggle to look interested when I visit them now never mind in say 20 years

StoorieHoose · 18/04/2018 07:01

@tenbob the mentionitis!!! My mum is awful for it! No matter what I’ve done or bought my DS or DB have bought something better or done it better! It drives me fecking mental.

Colonelpopcorn · 18/04/2018 07:01

Undoubtedly my mother has a favourite. She will deny it until she is blue in the face, but it’s very obvious.
My sister can do no wrong.
My friend commented on Monday how I’ve always had to work hard to meet my parents approval whereas she never has.

AnnDerry · 18/04/2018 07:03

My PIL have a clear favourite. And sadly they also favour her DC over the other siblings' DC.

Same here.
It wasn't too noticeable when mine were the only DC (for 12 years) but when Golden Child's PFB arrived, all of a sudden PIL developed an interest in doing things that we'd been told for years they wouldn't do (like spending Christmas with children.) Now my DC are older they all get on fine and I'm sure FIL would be mortified if we challenged him - I think they genuinely have no idea that BIL2 is the 'approved' son. I also think it explains why BIL1 emigrated at 22 and why DH is very self-sufficient.

Echo2 · 18/04/2018 07:06

I have a favourite child.
My parents had a favourite child too.
In my experience it’s usually the PFB or the youngest.
Unless you’re completely over the top about it I doubt it does the untold damage people think.

tenbob · 18/04/2018 07:09

It's weird isn't it - pretty much everyone on this thread agrees that having a favourite child and showing overt favouritism is horrible and damaging

Yet on threads when an OP is complaining about parents doing loads of childcare for one set of grandchildren only, or leaving a will that favours one child, they are told to stop being so entitled, and parents are free to do whatever they want with their time and money!

EmmaGrundyForPM · 18/04/2018 07:12

I've got two friends who.have very clear favourites. One of them favours her son over her daughter, and her daughter is very aware of that.

The other friend has 4 children so it's more diffused, but still quite clear to us as her friends that she favours the youngest (all are over 18 now). I don't think it's necessarily as clear to her children.

ADarkandStormyKnight · 18/04/2018 07:19

And although I'm the least favoured child I'm her executor and POA
How sad is that?
She might love him and my sister more but she sure as hell doesn't trust them!

Similar happened to me. It's disgraceful really - creating such a mess and then expecting someone else to clear it up. I'm definitely much stronger and more trustworthy that my favoured sibling, probably because I've had to work through this stuff for myself.

Bahhhhhumbug · 18/04/2018 07:21

My father used to refer to me as 'the good looking one'. My brothers thought it was hilarious, my sister not so much.

Hellsbellscockleshells · 18/04/2018 07:23

I don’t have a favourite child. I have a DD and a DS and like another joke about one being my favourite little boy in the world and one being my favourite little girl in the world. I think at various stages I worry more about one than the other due to whatever is going on that is normal.
I am eldest and my parents favoured both my younger siblings over me and still do. My DB has a disability so he needed more care and my DS was the youngest by a country mile so she got away with more and got more. Now my DS and I have families her eldest DD (the eldest grand child) is by far the favourite grand child and their are far more photos of her at my parents house than the all the other theee grand children put together.
I am more independent than both my brother and sister and have done better for myself. My niece is a spoilt little so and so and as a result my two have a far healthier relationship with my parents than my niece. She plays her mum and step dad off against my mum and vice versa constantly. She hates it when my two visit and she is their as she behaves appallingly and always has to be at the centre of attention.

NewYearNewMe18 · 18/04/2018 07:25

Children are like any other person, some of them you like , some of them you don't, some of them share interests with you, some of them don't. Some of them like your company, some of them don't.

user838383 · 18/04/2018 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ADarkandStormyKnight · 18/04/2018 07:32

I don't agree new.

Some parents definitely invest more in one child over another, presumably for evolutionary reasons as some children will be seen to be most likely to fulfil certain needs for the wider group. And some children will be used to fulfil a parents emotional needs. The point is that good parents treat children as individuals and nurture each according to their needs - which in our society includes being treated fairly.

QueenOfMyWorld · 18/04/2018 07:37

Yep I have a favourite.
My ds 4.It's because he's an only child Grin

DeadButDelicious · 18/04/2018 07:40

My parents have always treated myself and my brother fairly, sometimes one of us needs more help or whatever than the other but that's life isn't it? I don't think they have a favourite and they've never given us any reason to believe that they do. My brother has no children so it's just my DD. I don't think you can play favourites when there is only one can you?

My Inlaws on the other hand are an entirely different kettle of fish. They may not play favourites with their own kids but they definitely do with the grandkids. His sisters DC are by far and away the favourites. They make much more of an effort with them than they do with our DD. When they do spend time with her they talk incessantly about the other two (specifically the elder one, who has been elevated to golden child status) and how advanced/clever/thenextcomingofchrist they are. It grates.

BrashCandicoot · 18/04/2018 07:41

If mine ask I say “you’re my favourite son/daughter” - one of each and planning on having no more 😅

When they’re older I’ll probably do the Bruce Forsyth “ooh you’re my favourite” when they do something unusually helpful Wink

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