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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing a present to a ‘No presents’ party

195 replies

FemaleDilbert · 19/03/2018 13:06

Have been invited to 5yo’s birthday party and the parents have said ‘no presents’. AIBU to bring a little present for the birthday child. They are 5 so old enough to have been to birthday parties and associate them with the birthday child receiving presents from the guests.

I just feel bad for the birthday child...or should I honour the parents wishes?

OP posts:
IAmWonkoTheSane · 19/03/2018 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 19/03/2018 13:07

Honour the parents’ wishes. The child will have had presents from them/family.

Pinkbedsheets · 19/03/2018 13:08

He/she probably has loads of toys already. Perhaps presents don’t have the space. Don’t bring one.

Tringley · 19/03/2018 13:11

The last time I was invited to a no presents party I arranged to take the birthday child on an outing with me the following week. Then I ended up feeling kind of awkward and crap as every single other invitee showed up with a gift. In future I think I'll opt for a nice book.

HeyMicky · 19/03/2018 13:11

I had this very conversation with a friend yesterday. We both agreed next party for each of our 5 year olds will have a request for no presents. We are actively trying to reduce the volume of toys and especially tat - 'small' presents are the worst for this. Please respect their wishes.

Cinnabunbun · 19/03/2018 13:11

I think saying no presents is fine for 4 and under. A 5 yr old might find it upsetting and internalise it somehow to think there is something less worthy or wrong with themselves compared to peers. Are the parents just scared of the mountain of bulky crap they will bring home? Most presents are a bit crap tbh and an eco disaster. I’d bring a very non-bulky thing like posh transfers and say I forgot the rule if the parents asked

C0untDucku1a · 19/03/2018 13:12

DId they put a poem in for cash?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 13:12

No I wouldn't. The parent have said no presents. Seems a bit strange I'll admit but they must have their reasons.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/03/2018 13:12

Oh I couldn't go empty handed. I'd feel awful. I'd have to put say £10 in a card.
His parents are way out of line saying no presents. How would they feel if they had a party at 5 years old and got no presents

C0untDucku1a · 19/03/2018 13:13

OR MAybe by saying nonpresents they assume people will put cash in an envelop.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2018 13:13

I’d take a present.

Bluelady · 19/03/2018 13:14

Take a book!

ziggiestardust · 19/03/2018 13:14

I’ve actually been caught out with this! Parents asked for ‘no presents’ and every bigger turned up with a present and card, there was a special table set up with a little cloth and everything! I was quite shocked! I actually had to double check the invitation when I got home as I was SO mortified.

If I were to be invited to one of these types of party I would be keeping something small wrapped and leave it in the car. I’m sure I can’t have been the only one to follow the ‘no presents’ request but it bloody felt like it!

Original poster
FemaleDilbert · 19/03/2018 13:14

They are nice, down to earth people who definitely wouldn’t be after cash instead

OP posts:
Wetwashing00 · 19/03/2018 13:15

I wouldn’t bring a present, if parents have said not to.

  1. Doing so would be rude, implying you think the kid hasn’t got enough despite the parents saying so.
  2. Other people at the party would feel bad that they didn’t bring anything.

I’m a ‘no presents’ parent when I organise a big party. I don’t like parents to feel pressured into buying gifts, there was one year my DD had 4 no attendees because the parents couldn’t afford a gift. My DD was so upset they didn’t come and would have rather they all care to enjoy a party with her. My DS also has a birthday not long after Christmas so he ends up with so much stuff, a lot we re-gift due to duplicates and stuff he’s not really interested in.

Respect the parents wishes.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2018 13:17

If you know them well enough you could ask if they'd like a book?

IanRushesInadequateFlushes · 19/03/2018 13:17

I'd be torn between fear of being mortified if everyone else brought a gift; feeling a bit sad for the little boy (I know crap is annoying, but kids like presents!); and not wanting to embarrass anyone else by turning up with a gift when they hadn't done so.

I think I'd either get a book or something and hide it in my bag to see what everyone else did, or get something subtle like an Amazon voucher that could go in a card - then his parents could choose or put it towards something without filing up the house with plastic?

Camomila · 19/03/2018 13:21

I would bring a book probably (am doing this for a no presents party soon)

FlyingMonkeys · 19/03/2018 13:21

I'd definitely do the book or voucher thing. It's not a religious element on the parents part? In which case they may get offended if people ignore the no presents rule? If they really don't want presents a donation made in the child's name perhaps? A wildlife or animal sanctuary might be a good one.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 19/03/2018 13:22

I really hate people who make these requests! You never know what to do, most of the time they do expect a present anyway, guests feel terribly awkward to turn up empty handed. I even bring a little something when my kids go to play at a friends house (nothing bigger than a kinder surprise), it would be weird not to give a gift on an actual birthday

I'd get a book, or a tshirt with their favourite character . I understand that people don't want more "tat", but no gift for a child is just mean.

IanRushesInadequateFlushes · 19/03/2018 13:23

Or sponsoring an animal for a year, maybe, Flying? I think most 5 year olds would like to have a meerkat or penguin or duck or something to think of as "theirs"? You wouldn't have to announce it at the party.

Viviennemary · 19/03/2018 13:24

It's tempting to take something. But sometimes people are just overwhelmed with toys and just simply don't have the room for any more. But on the other hand if everyone else brings one and you don't then it can be a bit awkward.

Wetwashing00 · 19/03/2018 13:24

Although I like the cash/voucher or book idea.

OutyMcOutface · 19/03/2018 13:25

Buy the kid a goat maybe? Pun intended

LovelyBranches · 19/03/2018 13:27

I hate these type of invites and see it as an awful form of virtue signalling. When I buy a present for a child it isn’t for the parent to say that they can have it or not. It’s for the child to enjoy.

Take a present, and tell the parents to stop taking away their child’s fun. I know we all have clutter and it’s annoying but no presents at a Birthday is mean.