Bringing a present to a ‘No presents’ party

[FemaleDilbert]

Have been invited to 5yo’s birthday party and the parents have said ‘no presents’. AIBU to bring a little present for the birthday child. They are 5 so old enough to have been to birthday parties and associate them with the birthday child receiving presents from the guests.

I just feel bad for the birthday child...or should I honour the parents wishes?

[Yura]

How is not wanting people to waste money grabby? No gifts at a kids party means - please do not bring a gift. It does most certainly not mean cash (I would be mortified finding somebody had put cash in the card - feels like getting paid for the party).

[MrsJBaptiste]

Agustarella It's like those fancy dress parties where nobody actually bothers with the fancy dress, leaving the sole fancy dresser feeling like a prat. Yes, I have been that person. Me too

I went to a 'wear what you dare' party when I was 16 with mostly older people who I didn't know that well. I was really looking forward to it and cobbled together the most mismatched awful outfit that I thought would be just the thing. Everyone else wore something that wasn't that nice (but ok) then promptly got changed into their normal clothes and we all headed off to the pub. Me, still in my hideous outfit. Mortified is not the word...

This was 25 years ago and I can still remember how embarrassed I was!

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

I think what people mean is that a book is not "tat", so shouldn't be looked too much down by the parents.

MrsJBaptiste that's hilarious! I have heard a few similar stories, there are very good reasons why guests are wary about follow the host "advice"

[WazzitCalled]

They have politely asked for no presents so why would you even consider taking one 🤷🏻‍♀️

[SpringHen]

You "feel bad" for a kid whose parents are throwing them a party?

Mmm k..

[coconuttella]

It does most certainly not mean cash (I would be mortified finding somebody had put cash in the card

Agreed... If the party is being hosted by some “of British heritage” (not sure how you say that without possibly appearing racist), if they’ve said “no presents” they absolutely will not expect you to put money in the card.

I can’t speak for other cultures though... what culture are they?

[childmindingmumof3]

£5 in a card and some chocolate buttons. Job done.

My 4yo had a party recently and got a mix of small gifts, books, cards with money and sweets from his guests.

[HolyGoats]

Why would you put £5 in a card if they had specified no presents though?

[childmindingmumof3]

I don't count cash as a present.

[Fruitcorner123]

I think its fairer to say nothing about presents than say no presents. People saying put money in a card or sponsor an animal or whatever must spend more than me on children's parties. We try and keep the gift to £5/6 as that's what we can afford. Colouring book and crayons or sticker book or something crafty. Maybe a book. The point is these are all easier and cheaper than a tenner in a card. If the child has 30 guests all putting £10 in a card that's just ridiculous for a 5 yr old.

I would buy a book from the works or somewhere, wrap it and leave it in the car until I could see what others had done.

[ThursdayLastWeek]

Personally I wouldn’t give anything but a card if that’s what the parents requested.

But if someone is determined to 'demonstrate their generosity' (which is what I assume of someone who brings presents when asked not to) then why not do it in the least annoying way possible. Which IMO would be a fiver in a card.

[AndromedasMoon]

If parents say no presents why would you ignore it?🙄

Parents aren’t sucking the fun out of a party because they request no presents. They might not have enough room for anymore toys or might not want to put pressure on people.

If you really do feel awkward why not buy something small with a card and hide it in your bag then wait to see what everyone else does?

[Fruitcorner123]

I think it's fear that you will be the only one who has followed the guidelines. An earlier poster said they turned up to a no gift party with no gift and everyone else had brought a gift. I would fear the same. I wouldn't be afraid of upsetting the child. Surely the parents have their child's best interests at heart and if they have said no gifts they will know how to ensure their child is not disappointed and is not expecting gifts.

A book is a gift but usually you can get a picture book for a couple of quid so not as much as most people would have spent otherwise.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

I know someone who said no presents as they were about to move into a caravan in the front garden whilst their house was torn down and a new house was being built. Everyone stuck a fiver into a card.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

But if someone is determined to 'demonstrate their generosity'

is that why you buy a wedding gift, or bring wine or flowers when you are invited for diner? To demonstrate your generosity?

[coconuttella]

I remember when mine were around 5 and tend to have whole class parties.... my DD got 30 presents from the party plus all the family ones... it was ridiculous and really quite obscene - we had to open the presents over 3-4 sessions as she didn’t have the stamina to do it in one go. Half way through she became totally blaze and disinterested (even after breaks), so basically the 23rd (or so) present barely got a nod from my DD, and most were barely played with. It’s madness.... then you have to write thank you notes for all of them.... what an expensive and pointless merry-go-round!

30 parties and 30 presents and cards. That’s £30/month with fairly modest presents. If you’re on a budget earmarking £30/month so that 5 year olds can gorge on presents is crazy.

[Nofunkingworriesmate]

Weasked " your presence rather than presents" for our 5 year old first Bday party as it was in jan just after a mega Xmas
Every one brought something just way smaller for example
One parent bought home made cake ( yummy thank you) , one mum ( a skint student ) bought a large badge which DS loved and couple brought normal gifts I was happy that DS got a couple of things to open but not a mountain of crap and plastic. This birthday we had a few siblings so out of 12 guests 6 were sibling pairs so ended up with just 7 presents which was fine.

[User3228769787765]

Oh I know people are going to flame me for this - but I just think it's so mean to say 'no presents' on a child's birthday invite. Little kids see other kids parties and watch others get presents and it must feel horrible not to receive one at your own party :( poor little children :( what do they think?

I understand that 30 presents at a massive party is excessive etc ... but I just could not bring myself to ask people not to give my little one a present.

A friend did this with her son, and we got him a (little) present anyway. I just felt so sorry for him, and knowing that particular child, he'll have been expecting presents. Fortunately his mum was fine with us bringing him a present (everyone else did too!!)

I just couldn't do this to my own child :(

[QueenDramaLlama]

Voucher for a local soft play.
It's a hard one but I don't think it's right for a parent to decide that their child gets no presents.

[User3228769787765]

Also - I think there's a massive diffference between saying 'no presents' on a wedding invite, or your own birthday party invites and saying it on a child's birthday invite.

If it's your wedding, your birthday etc... it's your choice as adults what u ask people to do. But a kids birthday is their Birthday - not the parents birthday. If the kid doesn't want presents l then fair enough, ask people not to bring one - but otherwise, don't step in and ruin it for your child :( .. still making me sad thinking parents do this.

[Nofunkingworriesmate]

My child was not expecting gifts and it was his first party and he was totally focused of the event and never realised gifts were part of the party experience. All parties these days have the gifts handed over by parents as they arrive and opening happens after the party in private (which I much, much prefer) so it it totally possible for a child to have a present free party and not be a tragic case. Honestly I've done its fine. We didn't buy him anything as the party had cost a whopping £300 + and my child never noticed that they receive no presents from us, obviously as they get older and peer pressure and socisl norms and all that we will revise the plans a bit but I really hope we can keep the focus on the fun of having sell your mates partying rather than " ' whoooo hoo! I get a pile of presents"

[SilverOnToast]

Our DD has been invited to about 8-9 birthday parties (often the whole class invited) since September and every invitation has specified “no gifts”. When it was her turn we also said “no gifts” as it would seem a bit grabby to be the only party where presents were given. So its obviously not that unusual in our community (in the USA)

I think it’s a great idea and shows that you’re valuing company over material things. Even if the presents were tasteful and not plastic tat, why? Why do our kids need even more stuff? I really don’t think our DD minds (she’s 5).

[tillytrotter1]

Surely you go with a bag large enough to contain an emergency present just in case, read the situation when you arrive.
At Christmas I always have a small selection of 'gifts' ready wrapped just in case someone unexpectedly brings one.

[Yura]

i'm really surprised - and sad- seeing the number of small kids that already expect things as presents and expect loads of stuff. Everyone to their own, but just because your child has been brought up to value presents and things, it doesn't mean somebody else's child has as well.
my son (5) expects cards, a birthday cake and 2-3 presents. he doesn't need more, and i don't want to teach him to want loads of things, and definitely not to expect money! It will change as he gets older but then he won't have class parties with 27 guests anymore!
Please respect the parents wishes, just as you would like with dietary preferences!