Bringing a present to a ‘No presents’ party

[FemaleDilbert]

Have been invited to 5yo’s birthday party and the parents have said ‘no presents’. AIBU to bring a little present for the birthday child. They are 5 so old enough to have been to birthday parties and associate them with the birthday child receiving presents from the guests.

I just feel bad for the birthday child...or should I honour the parents wishes?

[sockunicorn]

i would get a nice book and wrap it, put it in your car and pull it out if others do.

[KarmaStar]

Sponsor an animal in the child's name with the world wildlife trust?or seek a book in the child's age range and wrap it and leave it in the car,then if everyone else hands one over you won't feel bad.
But,tbh,I'd go along with the parents wishes.the above were suggestions in case you really couldn't do it
It is difficult as it leaves you wondering what the dc will feel when they attend peers parties where gifts are accepted.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

for the parents here who do ask for "no present"
When invited somewhere, do you really turn up empty handed?

[londonista]

I quite like the idea of stickers in the card, or something else small, like a book bag charm, minifigure.

People are so programmed with kids parties, aren't they. We went to one recently and there was no party bag at the end, just a piece of cake (absolutely fine IMO as they'd spent a mint on a gaming truck, proper pizzas etc), and the reaction was not good, and not just from the kids. I heard 2 parents walking off saying how odd it was!

[Faintlinesquints]

My dd had a no present party, she actually said if people really wanted to gift then to give donations to an animal shelter instead, and sweetly people brought in blankets, food and some even money. She was a lot older than 5 though and it was all her idea.

If I were to go to a young child's party where it was requested no presents and no other option given, id probably just stick a pack of sweets with the card.

[KarmaStar]

@sockunicorn..😃 I didn't read your mind .....

[DailyMailFail101]

I would take a gift, parents have probably Said it so people don’t feel obligated to bring a gift. A five year old likes a nice present to open.

[ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual]

I'd give a book token in the card. The child may well get a lot of pleasure from choosing their own thing, if not, then it's easy for the parents to regift or something.

The reason I personally feel a bit shit to turn up empty handed is because these parties cost a lot, especially if there are party bags, and it just feels a bit take, take, take otherwise. I wouldn't bring an actual gift though because I get the issue re. drowning under presents you don't need.

[ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual]

Also, I've previously done what pp suggested, and if my dc is good friends with the birthday child, I'll offer to have birthday child round for a play and will have something fun like ice cream.

[AddictiveCereal]

I was having a joint party for my son and we requested no gifts on account of it being a joint party. I didn't want people feeling obliged to go to too much expense. But I also understood it might make some people feel uncertain.

Every single person got a gift for both children which the children were delighted with but I felt a small bit guilty thinking we had put people to so much expense.

For lots of parties my children go to now the invite requests no gifts - or no more than £5 in a card if you really want to get something. Everyone turns up with £5 in a card which is often easier and cheaper than having to go to a toy shop. Rhe child gets to spend it how they wish. Because everyone puts this in the invitation you don't feel cheeky doing it yourself.

[CoffeeOrSleep]

I'd go with something like felt tips/ pencil set with a superhero of their likely on it - small enough to wrap and stick in your handbag, so you can get out quickly if everyone else has brought something, and consumables like that get used up and don't take up lots of storage space.

[troodiedoo]

If an invitation said no presents I'd take that at face value and not get anything, and would feel no shame, even if everyone else brought presents.

[sockunicorn]

@KarmaStar great minds . my cars always full of random crap "Just in case" people get me something or others have turned up with items.

[LaurieMarlow]

Respect their wishes. The kid probably has more toys than they can cope with.

[Isadora2007]

I’d give the child a card and a helium balloon.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Oh fuck.

I'm planning a christening party and am going to be requesting No Presents. The reasons being that lots of people bought the baby presents and this is our way of saying thank you for that. And lots of people bought the baby presents and we've no fucking room in our house for another thing.

How do you word a No Present request and have it heard?

[bridgetreilly]

Don't take a present. They've said not to take presents. That means the polite thing to do is not to take a present. How difficult is that to understand?

[MacaroniPenguin]

Don't worry Dione. I can't promise they won't bring them anyway, but if they've all just given the baby things it's a really nice gesture to ask for no presents. I think the sentiment will be appreciated even if they ignore the request! You can't please everyone all the time - someone would prob grumble if you hadn't put that, as they'd have had to buy 2 gifts in short succession. Everyone knows there's only so much a baby needs, and only so many bibles and silver moneyboxes they can use, and the baby won't know or care either way.

Schoolchild parties are completely different. The party hosts will have been buying gifts for a lot of the invitees over the last year and it feels a bit crappy to then turn up empty handed for their child. You've done a nice thing. Relax.

[HolyGoats]

ikeepa I asked on ds’s invitation for no presents. Of course I’d turn up with a present fo any other party though (unless specified), why on earth wouldn’t I? I don’t object to people giving other people presents.

[troodiedoo]

@Isadora2007 helium balloon is a great idea. All kids (and adults) love them.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

bridgetreilly
how difficult to understand that guests are not mind readers, don't know if you actually mean it or not, that it feels awfully rude to turn up empty handed, even more rude when you have bought a present for my child, that a child can't understand he's the only one not bringing a gift when all the others do?

If it was as easy as "no gift", we wouldn't waste so much time trying to figure out what the host means, and have to bring something to the parents instead of the child - which is polite, but looks rather silly.

It's even worst when the "no present" parents give your kids a party bag at the end!

[ThursdayLastWeek]

Stick a fiver in the card.

Then you haven’t blatantly ignored the perfectly rational request of a peer, but you have demonstrated your generosity.

I cannot imagine taking a present to a 'no present' birthday party because I cannot imagine people deliberately asking for what they don’t want.

[FemaleDilbert]

Thanks for the advice all, i suspect it is an ‘already overwhelmed with random plastic crap’ issue more than anything else. Will probably go with a card and a book token, or otherwise a small gift I can keep in the car if it seems appropriate to give one.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

but you have demonstrated your generosity.
you sound just as the parents requesting no gift to demonstrate how cool they are, and how above the cheap presents they are... charming
Much better than the parents requesting a minimum amount I give you that

[Tralalee]

Don't take a present. They've said not to take presents. That means the polite thing to do is not to take a present. How difficult is that to understand?

SO MUCH THIS