Bringing a present to a ‘No presents’ party

[FemaleDilbert]

Have been invited to 5yo’s birthday party and the parents have said ‘no presents’. AIBU to bring a little present for the birthday child. They are 5 so old enough to have been to birthday parties and associate them with the birthday child receiving presents from the guests.

I just feel bad for the birthday child...or should I honour the parents wishes?

[Crispbutty]

I feel so sorry for kids whose parents dictate like this. The most exciting Part of having a party for a child is your friends arriving with a present for you.

[MrsDilber]

I think I'd have one in the boot of my car to err on the side of caution.

[BroomstickOfLove]

If they say no presents, take them at their word. When the DCs were little, we lived in a teeny tiny house, and had no room. People would give them craft sets and toys that broke easily but which took up lots of space. The pleasure the DCs got from being given gifts was totally outweighed by the unhappiness of having no space to play and having to throw out their presents to get the space back. Basically, anything other than really carefully chosen presents made them sad, not happy. Luckily, lots of other local parents had similar problems, so everyone understood the requests and project generally didn't give presents, or gave cheap, small things, like packets of seeds and stickers.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

I feel so sorry for kids whose parents dictate like this.
I agree! I don't think the presents are the best part, but they most certainly are one of the things to look forward to. Kids only have 1 birthday (and 1 Christmas) a year!

It sounds very mean to make them proudly bring their gift and card to their friend, but not get anything for their own birthday. I am sure someone will come up saying that's it's a good life lesson, not to have any expectations bladibla, but it's their birthday. You might as well not throw them a party at all then.

I do think that the message from these parents: we don't want gifts because you will only buy crap is rude!

[HolyGoats]

It probably is a bit rude ikeep but I’ll do it again for ds’s birthday next year. He really does have so much stuff already! He completely understands that a lot of the time he gets things that other dc’s don’t but at birthday parties other kids get gifts from friends and he doesn’t. It’s fine.

[Notso]

Unless I'm certain it's come from the child, I take something like a bag of sweets/chocolate/pens/£5/soft play voucher.

[XJerseyGirlX]

Why even ask us? If they have said NO PRESENTS what's so hard to understand about that? Respecting the parents wishes would probably be a good place to start maybe OP.

[Italiangreyhound]

You should honour the parent's wishes. I expect their home like many is full of little toys and they are fed up of it!

If you have money to spare give it to charity.

[surgeryadvicepls]

I can see why it makes you feel awkward, but if they wanted small gifts/free stuff etc then they wouldn’t have asked for no presents really. I don’t think that they’re necessarily being mean to their child; remember the child has probably had main presents from mum, dad, grandma, some distant relative etc so your token gift won’t really make a difference and may just end up as clutter

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

still wondering, do parents requesting "no gift" give a party bag or not?

[HolyGoats]

We still did party bags ikeep but just with a slice of cake and a little craft set in. I can’t see the link between giving presents and party bags. I give them as a thank you for coming to guests.

[Newtothismumthing]

Don't take a present. That is very unfair on the parents. Perhaps take a card and bake a cake? Get your child to make a card/draw a picture?

[YellowMakesMeSmile]

Mentioning gifts is rude, saying no gifts either means we want cash or you buy crap presents and we don't want them.

Small children love presents in the main, it seems awfully mean to stop that. Toys can be rotated, saved for holidays etc.

[HolyGoats]

I don’t think so no gifts means we want cash . I don’t want my dc having 30x £5-£10 presents. This is due to space, plastic waste, him being overwhelmed, almost certainly several duplicates and the complete waste of money and time for all involved. As I said earlier my dc get lots of presents from me and his family - things we know are suitable and he will enjoy.

I wouldn’t be offended if someone implied I buy rubbish gifts for a random class party - I do try and get something based on what I know of the child, around £10 and that also happens to be on the shelf in one of the couple of shops in town. But I’m fully aware it would probably not be what the child/ parent would choose!

[Pixie2015]

An Easter egg the whole family can enjoy 😊

[Yura]

around my son's school "no gifts" is done for most birthday parties. the kids are 5, have loads of toys and parents have no space.
Last year at nursery he got gifts - and got exactly 1 out of 14 or so he was actually interested in, the rest were bin/charity shop fillers. its close to impossible to buy something for a child you don't know well and for a limited budget (my son doesn't play with cards, and has loads of books). please respect the parents wishes.
You could get a really nice card though (puzzle card, pop up, ...), that is a lovely present without being one!

[Chrys2017]

Why doesn't a book count as a "present"? Can someone please explain?

Perhaps the parents don't want their kid to grow up to be materialistic. If they specified no gifts, don't bring one.

[coconuttella]

This is ridiculous.... Parents have asked for “no presents” so the polite and reasonable thing to do is respect their wishes and not buy a present!

What person says “no presents” and then expects presents! No one! They set up a present table no because they’re wanting presents, but because people bring them anyway and they need somewhere to put them.

[MombieMumbles]

I'm from a culture where 'no boxed gifts' (read: no presents) mean cash in an envelope. Stick some money in an envelope. Kid has probably way too many toys and having a bit of money means he or his parents can put it towards something he'd like or needs.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

It's quite a grabby thing to do, people will have to spend more if they give cash than if they had bought a present. A book is a perfectly nice gift, but you won't put £3 in an envelop, will you?
I think the whole thing is terribly rude.

They set up a present table no because they’re wanting presents, but because people bring them anyway and they need somewhere to put them. how grabby can you be I've never set up a "present table" in my life, and I leave my guests free of bringing something if they wish!

[Icklepickle101]

Do you have a local Waterstones or similar book shop? I’d get a £5 voucher and put it in the card.

[coconuttella]

how grabby can you be grin I've never set up a "present table" in my life, and I leave my guests free of bringing something if they wish!

Why is this grabby?.... all ‘setting up a present table’ means having a table available should anyone bring a present, not a special table with a big neon sign over it saying “Thank you for the presents everyone! Please place those expensive gifts here!”

[coconuttella]

I'm from a culture where 'no boxed gifts' (read: no presents) mean cash in an envelope.

Out of interest, which culture is that? It’s not English culture that’s for sure where implying you wanted money as a gift at a party would be seen as very crass.

[LadyB49]

At my dgs birthday party the guests bring a gently used book, requested on the invitation. Then each child takes home one of the books. Win win

[JessieMcJessie]

We said “No presents” for our wedding. 60 guests. We didn’t want any presents, or cash. We got no presents and no cash. End of story.

Like a PP I am also interested to understand why a book is not a present.