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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby in car outside preschool

214 replies

Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2018 09:20

Prepared to be told AIBU and to mind my own business!

Every morning for the past week or so when I've dropped my three year old at preschool I've noticed a baby left in a car on its own outside.

I have a six month old as well as my three year old so I know how much of a faff it can be doing the drop off - the corridors are really narrow, lots of parents arrive at the same time and queue outside the classroom and it's difficult with a baby too. I take my baby out of his car seat and carry him in with me but it's still awkward.

Sometimes the drop off can take 10 mins or more by the time you are buzzed in etc, especially if it's busy and there's a queue to get in the classroom. AIBU to think the baby shouldn't be left in the car? He is probably about 9 months old.

DH agrees with me that he shouldn't be left but thinks I should stay out of it. I'm leaning towards having a word with the preschool manager as I know whose sibling it is. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:

MrsPreston11 · 12/03/2018 09:23

I agree that it's not right. And yes, would probably have a word.

Rumpledfaceskin · 12/03/2018 09:27

I expect you will get a 50/50 split on here. I wouldn’t get involved myself. I think it’s only illegal if it’s deemed as placing them in harms way so unless you can prove that the baby is you’d just be interfering with your own moral judgement.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 12/03/2018 09:30

I'd mention it to the school, they can do whatever they want with that info!

kerryweaverscrutch · 12/03/2018 09:30

It's really not your business, and its not like its any harm.

Original poster

Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2018 09:33

@Rumplefacedskin

Yes I am expecting 50/50. I didn't know that about the law.

@kerryweaverscrutch
The baby doesn't ever appear to be crying, so it's obviously not distressed. My baby would not stand for it, he hates his car seat and screams as soon as the engine is turned off.

OP posts:

DaisyInTheChain · 12/03/2018 09:36

I wouldn't personally do it, not do I agree with it, so many variables. I get why people do it, decades ago it was pretty common place to leave DC in car whilst you grabbed some bits from say the Co-op. You don't really see it that much now.

What might skew it for me is the nursery we used had a car park off the road, so you could always see baby, I get that it's a faff, but safety first and all that.

Bodicea · 12/03/2018 09:37

None of your business. It’s their child. They obviously have calculated it worth the risk for them. Maybe they have a bad back and struggle. Maybe they don’t want to disturb baby if it’s sleeping. There is a risk taking the baby out on a busy road too.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/03/2018 09:39

I suppose you could talk to the manager of the preschool. I'm presuming the car is on a busy street and is locked?

PiggyPoos · 12/03/2018 09:39

I've done it but it's been parked on a square with eyes on and a quick drop in.

To be honest it's a stretch to say the baby is in danger isn't it? The other mum has assessed the situation and is happy with it.

Unless you've a good reason to think the baby is in any risk of harm I don't see why it would be necessary to interfere

Birdsgottafly · 12/03/2018 09:40

"decades ago it was pretty common place to leave DC in car"

The difference was that they wasn't strapped in, so no choking risk. Babies wouldn't be left alone, either.

OP, I would report it.

There is nothing more important than looking after your under one year old. You don't put them at risk.

SilkyBlack · 12/03/2018 09:41

I don’t have a problem with it

There was a near riot at the school when some nosey woman reported another mother to the head for leaving her toddler strapped in for max 5 mins in the school carpark. Head put out a notice in the newsletter saying it was endangering children and she would report to SS.

IMO there’s nothing wrong with it. But lots of people have anxiety over random fires/kidnappers/marauding terrorists

MinnieMousse · 12/03/2018 09:41

I wouldn't have done it myself but I think it also depends where the car is parked. Car park attached to the pre-school is less concerning than a busy public street.

SilkyBlack · 12/03/2018 09:42

What would this child be choking on?

OutyMcOutface · 12/03/2018 09:42

I know someone who ended up locked in a car as a baby for an hour after the electrical systems that controlled the doors failed. I also know some whose stationary car was rear ended and mashed up pretty badly. Then of course children sometimes choke or whatever. It’s unlikely that the baby is in any danger but it’s not exactly safe to just leave it in the car, especially if it is for up to ten minutes. You should have a word with the school.

upsideup · 12/03/2018 09:43

I wouldnt do it personally but would just mind my own business if I saw someone else was doing it.

vanessa6734 · 12/03/2018 09:45

The only circumstances I'd leave my baby in the car would be if I could see the car and I was going to be really quick, like paying for petrol, parking next to the cash point and running out etc.

The situation you describe isn't right imo. I'm not sure what I'd actually do about it though as it comes off a bit patronising if you had a word with the mum and its not likely to go very well. Do you know who the mum is? Or I'd give the reg number to the school and say its happened regularly, maybe they can raise it with her.

Theres so many things that could happen to a baby left unattended in the car, they could choke, become distressed or could be involved in a collision or emergency (unlikely but parked cars could also be hit).

Minisoksmakehardwork · 12/03/2018 09:46

I left my sick twins in the car once (to avoid passing germs on) on the school run. I came back out from dropping my older ones in the playground to the headteacher standing next to the car and advising it was a safeguarding issue which wouldn't be acted upon this time and if I needed help, to call the school office.

However; while I had risked assessed the situation as a parent and left upright, strapped in children with sick bowls in case of vomit, the school also had a duty of care to them and followed their own risk assessment, which was considering the risks to unattended children.

So while I did not appreciate being reported for leaving my children, now I would find the parent and ask if they needed help getting their child in, and suggest that leaving the baby might not been seen as safe by the school, so suggest if they don't want your help then they ask the school for assistance to avoid any issues.

PiggyPoos · 12/03/2018 09:46

Those issues with the car could happen at any time it dosent place a child more at risk.

The parent could get squashed by a bin lorry crossing the road to pre school.

flumpybear · 12/03/2018 09:48

It's a risk some parents don't mind taking - not for me but I'm risk averse!

pastabest · 12/03/2018 09:49

The only time it would bother me seeing a non distressed baby strapped into a car seat in a parked, locked car outside a pre-school at school drop off time would be if it was a blazing hot day.

But then I'm also one of those parents who is perfectly happy to leave them in the car when I go to pay in the fuel station or nip into the corner shop to get bread.

Perhaps I'm negligent, or perhaps I just don't see the point in making life any harder for no reason just because other people might judge. Either way I'm happy with the choice/risk that I have decided to take.

Original poster

Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2018 09:51

Car is parked right at the corner of a busy junction on double yellow lines. There is parking near the preschool but it's a 2 min walk away. There's no way she could see the baby as you have to go round the corner.

I don't know the mum at all so don't feel comfortable approaching her. I don't know if she would struggle to get the baby in due to health issues etc. To be honest I wouldn't be able to help as I'm always carrying my baby myself.

OP posts:

QueenDramaLlama · 12/03/2018 09:53

Would you leave £1000 in cash on show in your car for 10 minutes? No?
Then why on earth would you leave your baby!

Steeley113 · 12/03/2018 09:55

I used to get to preschool early and pull up outside the doors, sit and wait until the opened up then run my son in once it was clear leaving the baby snoozing in his car seat. Was gone for 2 minutes. Never had an issue, a lot of mums did it. No different to paying for petrol or nipping cash point.

kerryweaverscrutch · 12/03/2018 09:56

Would you leave £1000 in cash on show in your car for 10 minutes? No?Then why on earth would you leave your baby!

what an inane comparison! I wouldn't walk around pushing a grand in cash in a pram either, or wear it on my back in a sling.

Redpony1 · 12/03/2018 09:57

Would you leave £1000 in cash on show in your car for 10 minutes? No?
Then why on earth would you leave your baby!

This confuses me, you can't compare a baby to money!!

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