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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in car outside preschool

214 replies

Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2018 09:20

Prepared to be told AIBU and to mind my own business!

Every morning for the past week or so when I've dropped my three year old at preschool I've noticed a baby left in a car on its own outside.

I have a six month old as well as my three year old so I know how much of a faff it can be doing the drop off - the corridors are really narrow, lots of parents arrive at the same time and queue outside the classroom and it's difficult with a baby too. I take my baby out of his car seat and carry him in with me but it's still awkward.

Sometimes the drop off can take 10 mins or more by the time you are buzzed in etc, especially if it's busy and there's a queue to get in the classroom. AIBU to think the baby shouldn't be left in the car? He is probably about 9 months old.

DH agrees with me that he shouldn't be left but thinks I should stay out of it. I'm leaning towards having a word with the preschool manager as I know whose sibling it is. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 12:22

btw, if your kid can't even move their head to not choke on vomit, youhave your car seat straps too tight and are probably hurting them every time you use it. So go risk assess that!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 13/03/2018 12:27

WTF KarmaStar? That's horrific! Shock

carnassials · 13/03/2018 12:57

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Ames_Glover

5 month old baby missing since 1990 when his father left him in the car for 20 mins to get a takeaway.

pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 12:59

And? I could post you lots more children missing when their parents left with a minder, or in their beds sleeping at night, or from a hospital, or any number of other things you would not think of as risky.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 13/03/2018 13:02

OlennasWimple There's a 1 in 4 chance that the baby of 2 cystic fibrosis carriers will have CF. We have 4 DC. The chance was 1 in 4 for each of them.

mikado1 · 13/03/2018 13:15

I am the mum in question. More or less.

Everyday I have to wake my toddler to collect dc at primary and everyday he returns to sleep in car or says he wants to stay put, having just been woken. I reverse park into space opposite school gate i.e. across the road and as he is RF I can see him for the 3-4mins I'm gone. He is perfectly happy. He would be screaming if I took him out but I suppose would get used to it. I am rethinking now tbh, not because of safety but because of what others think. I don't go into schoschool btw I just wait at gate.

In November a parent was at car on return 'worrying about this poor baby'-the one happily examining his fingers in the backseat. Told me should have window open...in bloody November. I really could have done without it that particular day but stayed quiet. My ds is 2.5 if that makes a difference.

pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 13:18

You're fine mikado. You are the parent, you know what you are doing, and you shouldn't let the busibodies make you second guess yourself.

mikado1 · 13/03/2018 13:21

Thanks pawpatrolearworm, I'm actually quite an anxious overthinker and this kind of thing would have me second guessing.

MIngerDynasty · 13/03/2018 13:32

^ould you leave £1000 in cash on show in your car for 10 minutes? No?
Then why on earth would you leave your baby!^

Yeah, lots of people want a 1000 pounds though. Not that many people walking around thinking they'd quite like a stolen baby Hmm.

If they continue to do it in the summer I would consider saying something OP but otherwise you can't really complain because someone has different ideas on parenting to you especially as there is very little risk involved.

Heartofglass12345 · 13/03/2018 13:34

I was coming on to say its daft and of course i would, but i wouldnt leave them alone for that long if i couldnt see them. Sounds like a bit if a faff dropping them off that way mind! My sons school you drop them off at the playground and go lol

MIngerDynasty · 13/03/2018 13:35

5 month old baby missing since 1990 when his father left him in the car for 20 mins to get a takeaway.

While we all agree the 90s felt like yesterday that's nearly 30 years ago.

and thousands of babies around the country will be getting left in cars at petrol pumps and school runs every day

TotHappy · 13/03/2018 13:37

I really dont get why this is such a big issue. Did it today at the library - asked dd 22 months if she wanted to come in, she said no, she wanted to listen to music. So that's what she did. For 10 mins. Car was locked. No reason to choke. Parked appropriately.

anotherchangetomyname · 13/03/2018 13:41

On the whole I don't really see the issue. And I'm not sure what reporting it would do - the nursery could put out a letter but ultimately can't stop parents doing it. SS won't be interested (ex D&A social worker here).

MrsNjie · 13/03/2018 14:26

I personally wouldn't do it but I run to put the trolley back in the supermarket as I don't like leaving baby alone even for those few seconds.
If you know who is doing it could you have a friendly word with them? Seems extreme and potentially humiliating for the mum to report her. We all have different parenting styles and I'm sure she means no harm but might help you to understand her reasoning or could make her realise that it's not a 'normal' thing to do?

pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 14:27

but might help you to understand her reasoning or could make her realise that it's not a 'normal' thing to do?

It's not her job to tell you her reasoning, and it is a normal thing to do. The place she is parking is the problem, not the rest of it.

Glitterbabe69 · 13/03/2018 15:43

Are you 100% sure it's a real baby and not a reborn doll?
Have seen the occasional story where people have reported a baby in a car for police to arrive, break in and discover it's actually a very real looking doll.

3luckystars · 13/03/2018 17:01

Well there is a big difference between leaving a baby in a car to go in to pay for petrol, and leaving the baby in a back seat, forgetting about it and heading in to work for the day in which case the baby will die. It happens all the time.

When you come across a baby in a car, you don’t know which of these 2 situations are going on.

I would never ever just assume the parent has left the baby for a minute and would stay beside the car until the parent returns.
I would post an article I read last year about this very thing but it so upsetting I really don’t think I could post it without a warning. It will never leave me.

Babies get forgotten about and left in cars to die while the parents go to work. It does happen and I would never walk off and leave a baby in a car and mind my own business.

Of course as a parent you can take chances and weigh up whether to take a sleeping baby out of the car for 5 minutes, that’s normal stuff but coming across a baby in a car alone is very serious and should always be checked out.

Ifailed · 13/03/2018 17:37

Babies get forgotten about and left in cars to die while the parents go to work

when did this ever happen in the UK?

BrexTit · 13/03/2018 17:38

It happens all the time

Does it? Define all the time please, because I think it happens almost never.

rocketgirl22 · 13/03/2018 17:55

I would not report it, but I think it is a terrible idea. It is not just the choking/vomiting potential hazards. The heat in the summer is another (this happens more often than parents realise) freezing in the winter, someone breaking in and taking the baby. I could go on.

What if the parent gets held up and 10 minutes becomes 20 or 30 minutes with the teacher who needs a 'quick' word....little babies so young should not be left unattended ever.

It is just lazy, because it takes two minutes to unstrap and carry the baby in.

Do I think they are the worlds worst parent? No but every time it happens it is a risk.

3luckystars · 13/03/2018 18:55

It happened in Ireland last year.
It has happened in America hundreds of times.
If you google the Washington post article about baby in a car seat, you will be absolutely horrified.

I genuinely want to warn anyone about to google it, to stop reading it after the first paragraph.
It is the worst thing I ever read in my life and I didn’t sleep properly for a long time after it and will never ever be able to forget it.

It is desperately upsetting. Please please do not read that article if you can avoid it. It does happen.

One is too many.

BrexTit · 13/03/2018 18:58

so that means you couldn't find a single one in the UK?

that's not what this is about anyway. Forgetting a child is in the car is completely different from leaving one for 5 mins and coming back, isn't it?

appleblossomtree · 13/03/2018 18:59

I heard a story of a dad doing this momentarily. The police were phoned and he had a long battle with social services to keep his child with him.

I once parked next to a child in a car seat who was left alone, appeared to be asleep then seemed to have some weird sort jerky movement. I was just about to call the police but the parent turned up and didn't seem concerned. I was so worried for this little one though. I sat there for over 20 minutes until the parent retuned.

boboismylove · 13/03/2018 19:06

I'm so feeble and clumsy, and live in such a pedestrian unfriendly area, that I would think its a bigger risk to struggle in with a baby in one hand and a toddler in the other.

BrexTit · 13/03/2018 19:15

I heard a story of a dad doing this momentarily. The police were phoned and he had a long battle with social services to keep his child with him

Friend of a friend told you she heard that from someone?
Because SS wouldn't care much about that just on its own.