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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in car outside preschool

214 replies

Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2018 09:20

Prepared to be told AIBU and to mind my own business!

Every morning for the past week or so when I've dropped my three year old at preschool I've noticed a baby left in a car on its own outside.

I have a six month old as well as my three year old so I know how much of a faff it can be doing the drop off - the corridors are really narrow, lots of parents arrive at the same time and queue outside the classroom and it's difficult with a baby too. I take my baby out of his car seat and carry him in with me but it's still awkward.

Sometimes the drop off can take 10 mins or more by the time you are buzzed in etc, especially if it's busy and there's a queue to get in the classroom. AIBU to think the baby shouldn't be left in the car? He is probably about 9 months old.

DH agrees with me that he shouldn't be left but thinks I should stay out of it. I'm leaning towards having a word with the preschool manager as I know whose sibling it is. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
carryondoctor · 12/03/2018 09:59

I wouldn't do it, no. Concerns about the baby being kidnapped or the car being hit are one thing, but the most likely is that the baby could get really upset - I would hate to think of my baby crying for 10 mins or so and nobody being there to soothe her.

Now DD is older, the only time I leave her is to nip in and pay for petrol when I can see her through the window - even then the little bugger manages to set off the car alarm every. single. time!

Coconuthusk · 12/03/2018 09:59

Tell the school.
I don't know what the likleyhood of something happening is but you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if it did and you hadn't done anything.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/03/2018 09:59

An opportunist thief is far more likely to smash the car window to steal a £1000 than to take a baby. Surely you must realise that?

Firesuit · 12/03/2018 10:02

The baby was probably safer in the car than being taken with the parent.

Officialdom in the UK is often ridiculous when it comes to enforcing safety.

Yesterday at DD stage 5 swimming lesson, which involves swimming lengths of the main pool, the start of her half-hour lesson was delayed by 8 minutes because there was no lifeguard. The fact that the children can all swim lengths of the pool, as presumably can the swimming instructor, who is never more than 5 seconds away from any child, was not good enough to let the lesson start on time.

Original poster
Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2018 10:04

I can't see that anyone would be breaking into the car. At that time there's loads of people around so a thief would have to be pretty brazen!

It's a tricky one. I would never do it as I would hate the thought of my baby crying for 10 mins or more alone, aside from any other risks. But I guess every baby is different and hers doesn't seem to cry. And I've learned that it isn't illegal so I guess it's up to the Mum to decide if she is comfortable with it.

OP posts:
miniaga · 12/03/2018 10:06

Genuinely curious as to the law about this? I believed that it was not legal to be out of sight of the baby? Can someone clarify?

DeepSeaDelicacy · 12/03/2018 10:09

Well if it's on double yellow lines, then yes, the baby is in danger.

Also, the baby will be in danger as the weather gets warmer (if it still happens then). Report to police for double yellow lines and then see what they do about the baby being inside (you may want to tell them there's a baby inside in case they tow it).

DeepSeaDelicacy · 12/03/2018 10:10

The baby was probably safer in the car than being taken with the parent.

Even when parked on double yellow lines at a busy junction? There's a reason those double yellows are there...

Cuppaoftea · 12/03/2018 10:10

I wouldn't do it myself but I wouldn't judge her or report either.

Remembering what mornings were like at my children's previous school when parents were let in to the school building to accompany their children to class I can understand her making this call. It was chaos, there were plenty of parents who would shove past my toddler or push past me when carrying my baby to get out the door 10 seconds quicker to work. I used to spend most of the time trying to ensure my school age daughter and younger children just got in the classroom without getting trampled/squashed! Perhaps this Mum knows if she wakes the baby he/she will spend the whole 10 minutes screaming the place down.

Thankfully at their new school all classes from preschool up line up in the yard and the teachers collect them from there. So much safer.

Leave this family be.

kerryweaverscrutch · 12/03/2018 10:10

Also, the baby will be in danger as the weather gets warmer (if it still happens then

not for ten mins or less it won't.

Failingat40 · 12/03/2018 10:13

It's nothing to do with the school if she's parked on a busy junction on double yellow lines.

It's a community warden/police matter if anything. The main risk I'd be concerned about is another vehicle smashing into the car or it going on fire. This has happened before and is not that uncommon.

All you can do is email your local community wardens and ask for patrols in the area at the relevant time.

Or else just accept some parents make poor decisions, we can't educate them all. This is probably just one out of many they do differently to you.

DeepSeaDelicacy · 12/03/2018 10:14

not for ten mins or less it won't.

Cars temperatures can rise rapidly on hot days, babies have a difference in fluid volumes to surface area than adults - they dehydrate much quicker.

It can be bloody dangerous even just under 10 minutes.

Mookatron · 12/03/2018 10:15

I wouldn't do it but have been tempted many times.

I would tell the school because they will know the parent. It may be that this is indicative of not coping (in my case it would've been so I'm not being judgy). The preschool may be able to help.

If you're feeling mentally strong unclipping a baby and carrying it in to nursery with you is a pain in the arse, and if you're not it can be insurmountably stressful tbh.

WickedGoodDoge · 12/03/2018 10:16

I wouldn’t have done it because both of mine would have howled their little heads off. Car stopped moving, they howled. Grin

However, in the described circumstances I wouldn’t be concerned about another parent doing it.

NauticalDisaster · 12/03/2018 10:17

I would report it to the school and leave them to handle it. I believe it is negligent but it should be the school to decide on how to deal with it.

Birdsgottafly · 12/03/2018 10:17

If this was a dog being left for ten minutes, the thread would have had very different responses.

Moonshinewithelvis · 12/03/2018 10:18

I would never leave a baby in a car to save a couple of minutes doing a school run. If you can't see the baby like in a petrol station then it's wrong imo. I would be speaking to someone at school.

formerbabe · 12/03/2018 10:19

I wouldn't do it personally but if I saw someone else doing it, I'd mind my own business.

GinnyJumperoo · 12/03/2018 10:19

I wouldn’t report it.

I have been so so tempted to do this with my eight month old while I run into the nursery with DD1. I haven’t ever done it and I won’t (because I’m too scared) but I can completely understand why some people do. Our nursery don’t exactly make it easy for you to get in and out with a baby and s toddler

Original poster
Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2018 10:20

@wickedgooddoge

Both of mine have been the same. DC2 still cries at red lights 😭

OP posts:
TrashPanda · 12/03/2018 10:20

I wouldn't leave the baby in the car on a public road personally, especially not on a junction and parking on double yellows is unsafe and illegal anyway. So in the circumstances you describe, absolutely not, and I would tell preschool about it.

I do leave my 2yo strapped into his seat in the school car park while I collect 8yo from afterschool clubs, he doesn’t have a drink or food to choke on, the car is locked and I wait until I can see other children being let out before I get out of the car so I'm gone maybe 5 minutes tops. I also leave the 8yo in the car in the private nursery car park while I drop the 2yo off in the mornings. 8yo is dropped outside school in the mornings and walks in by himself.

When new baby arrives I will do the same at nursery and leave them in the car with the 8yo while I take the 2yo in. At school drop off ghe 8yo will get out and go in as usual. The only difference will be that I will ask for the 8yo to be released to meet me in the car park at school after school.

kerryweaverscrutch · 12/03/2018 10:24

If this was a dog being left for ten minutes, the thread would have had very different responses

only in that it would be almost totally "no issue, mind your own"

kerryweaverscrutch · 12/03/2018 10:24

It can be bloody dangerous even just under 10 minutes

still no. Not in the uk.

martellandginger · 12/03/2018 10:25

I read a book a few years ago where the mum left her baby in the car while she paid for petrol. Came back and baby was gone. Excellent story but as the evidence unfolded I decided never to leave my child alone in the car ever. Even on my driveway while I run back in to get something from house.

CAAKE · 12/03/2018 10:25

It depends on the situation. I leave my kids in the car parked outside the village shop (with windows wound down in warm weather!) because it's a sleepy village with hardly any traffic at all and I can see the car at all times when I'm in the shop.

If you think what this woman is doing is dangerous then say/do something, but it's a matter of judgement on the Mother's part for sure.