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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in car outside preschool

214 replies

Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2018 09:20

Prepared to be told AIBU and to mind my own business!

Every morning for the past week or so when I've dropped my three year old at preschool I've noticed a baby left in a car on its own outside.

I have a six month old as well as my three year old so I know how much of a faff it can be doing the drop off - the corridors are really narrow, lots of parents arrive at the same time and queue outside the classroom and it's difficult with a baby too. I take my baby out of his car seat and carry him in with me but it's still awkward.

Sometimes the drop off can take 10 mins or more by the time you are buzzed in etc, especially if it's busy and there's a queue to get in the classroom. AIBU to think the baby shouldn't be left in the car? He is probably about 9 months old.

DH agrees with me that he shouldn't be left but thinks I should stay out of it. I'm leaning towards having a word with the preschool manager as I know whose sibling it is. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
MysweetAudrina · 13/03/2018 19:17

People die in car crashes, I still drive. Wouldn't bother me and I wouldn't report it. Some people must live the most boring lives of they make decisions based on the worst likely outcome. If the baby is asleep it's fine. So glad I don't live in the UK if MN is anything to go by. I have never come across such a busy body society in my life. It's like people go out of their way to report others for living their life different to themselves. What is the actual danger here? Other than I know a woman who was killed by her husband therefore I am not getting married. I know a woman who died during childbirth therefore I am not having children etc....

appleblossomtree · 13/03/2018 19:31

It's was the dad explaining the story in radio 4 once!

mikado1 · 13/03/2018 20:43

Well I did my usual, reverse park so could see toddler (sleeping today) from across the road at school gate and who did I meet only a police officer, fellow parent. So I asked him- told him DC was in car asleep and would it be a concern - he said no, as I'm clearly there at pickup time. However he did say if he was alerted to it outsude a drop off/pick up time in same spot, he would check out in case it was for a lengthy period/the child was in danger They would arrive if called to a Tesco as it could be a run in for bread (fine) or a weekly shop (risky). Think he thought I was a bit cracked quizzing him!

Trixielo · 13/03/2018 21:09

Aside from parking in an unsafe place, I’m sure that a child is statistically more at risk in a car with their parent rather than alone - more children will be injured in a traffic accident than sitting in a car park. If the child is happy to be left for a short time, I think that’s fine and absolutely should be the parents own judgement.

Ali4u · 14/03/2018 09:21

Whether the baby can be seen or not s irrelevant to me, he/she should not be left in the car, god forbid that a car loses control and smashes into the parked car. the risk is slim but not one I would take.

VitriolicMuse · 14/03/2018 12:15

I couldn't do it myself. I was in a car park a few months ago and watched a car burst into flames and the cars either side catch fire too. Apparently it started in the engine without any prior warning. Not worth the risk.

PaddyF0dder · 14/03/2018 12:20

I wouldn’t leave baby like that. 10 minutes is a long time for a baby to get distressed and feel abandoned.

It is really faffy off-loading all kids out the car, so I can appreciate why the parent does it. But I personally don’t think it’s right to do.

Mosaic123 · 14/03/2018 12:36

And what if something happened to the Mum, fell over broke her leg, fainted, got called in by the Head Teacher for an important chat?

Who remembers the baby straight away?

Ifailed · 14/03/2018 15:46

if the mum did fall over and break her leg, at least there would be people around. Such an accident is more likely at home where she'd be home alone with the baby.

SleepyBadger · 14/03/2018 16:20

I would report this.

I think it’s very very risky and dare I say irresponsible. If the child/ren are totally out of sight as you describe, anything could happen. The car being locked doesn’t even factor into the equation as there are devices now that override central locking systems that can be bought on the internet cheaply (I know this because our car was broken into using one of these devices confirmed by police). What if the car’s handbrake failed? Baby could choke on vomit etc (I had a refluxy first baby and this did happen in the car and we had to stop quickly and take her out and clear her airways. Very frightening!)

It’s definately a safeguarding issue and if I saw it I would report and wouldn’t give two hoots if people thought I was interfering!

Jenna43 · 14/03/2018 21:37

It happened in Ireland last year

The baby that you're talking about was left in the car all day on a scorching summers day, not 10 mins.

knickerelastic · 14/03/2018 23:48

I've never left my kid alone, you never know what might happen in this day and age.

Report to the school.

Splodgeinc · 15/03/2018 00:44

I struggle with this conundrum every day. No idea how peole “never leave their kid alone” How do you do stuff that requires two hands? We don’t have a drive but i can park infront of my house. I cant carry toddler and shopping. Do I take toddler into house and leave her there with the risks of her being unattended in the house - I have stair gates and cupboard locks but there is always stuff about you know like a sofa to climb on and fall off or a toy to choke on or do I leave her strapped into car seat in locked car while i carry shopping into house - less to choke on or fall over but car is on the street. Both have risk....

LidoDeck · 15/03/2018 01:00

Some people clearly should not be breeding.

Rumpledfaceskin · 15/03/2018 08:09

I heard a story of a dad doing this momentarily. The police were phoned and he had a long battle with social services to keep his child with him

Friend of a friend told you she heard that from someone?
Because SS wouldn't care much about that just on its own.

This is actually true. He’d parked car outside a pharmacy and popped in to buy some calpol. The girl (I think she was about 3) had managed to get out her car seat and was found by police in the drivers seat of the car. Something along those lines anyway. So she was potentially in harms way. I did hear him interviewed and felt really sorry for the family as they were clearly loving parents. They had a massive battle on their hands to keep all their kids.

neveradullmoment99 · 15/03/2018 22:01

I used to leave my babies in the garden in a pram with a cat net over it for fresh air.
I frequently left my babies outside a shop and went in to buy things. It was common practice. Funny how things change.

Haffiana · 15/03/2018 22:08

Amazed that over-anxious parents these days are able to actually drive and pay attention and keep their eyes forwards on the road while their DC are in huge danger because strapped in BEHIND them where they CANNOT SEE them.

FFS.

KendalMintCakey · 16/03/2018 07:56

I have three children. The eldest has severe autism and no awareness of danger. The youngest is 9 months old. I'd never leave her in the car. The middle baba is 2 years old

You could argue that leaving a baby on it's own is placing the infant at risk. I'm pretty sure the local police would agree. Other Mums have had police visit over reborn dolls left in cars.

I can totally understand it's a massive pain in the bum getting kids out of and into cars. How awful would it be if car got nicked? And baba sat in car seat. His children were thus automatically placed onto the Child Protection Register.

A Dad left his 2 year old in car to nip to chemist and buy calpol. He was charged with neglect.

You can't leave a baby unattended legally according to the UK Gov website.

OP are you saying it's physically hard to get children out of the space into the school?

Gwenhwyfar · 16/03/2018 08:15

"not leave unaccompanied minors"

That's ridiculous. A 17 year old can drive their own car.

Dancingmonkey87 · 16/03/2018 08:23

I think it depends on the circumstances. Dd has chicken pox at the moment ds is yet to get it,knowing my luck he will get it when dd goes back to school. I can’t bring him into the school gates but I can leave him in the school carpark and park close to the gates either way people will judge.

martellandginger · 16/03/2018 15:10

You are not to leave your baby sleep on its own until 6 months but it is ok to leave them for 10 mins in a car on their own. What planet do we live on? I remember prams being left outside shops while you went in to make your purchases. You don't see that anymore - for good bloody reason. If you cant cope with taking kids to school then you can't cope and need help.

martellandginger · 16/03/2018 15:11

and yes I would judge you - every single time..

appleblossomtree · 16/03/2018 16:04

I would probably report if I saw this. You don't know how long the baby has been left for.

Dancingmonkey87 · 16/03/2018 16:19

But then you would judge someone who brought a baby into the playground who had chicken pox? No?

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