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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in car outside preschool

214 replies

Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2018 09:20

Prepared to be told AIBU and to mind my own business!

Every morning for the past week or so when I've dropped my three year old at preschool I've noticed a baby left in a car on its own outside.

I have a six month old as well as my three year old so I know how much of a faff it can be doing the drop off - the corridors are really narrow, lots of parents arrive at the same time and queue outside the classroom and it's difficult with a baby too. I take my baby out of his car seat and carry him in with me but it's still awkward.

Sometimes the drop off can take 10 mins or more by the time you are buzzed in etc, especially if it's busy and there's a queue to get in the classroom. AIBU to think the baby shouldn't be left in the car? He is probably about 9 months old.

DH agrees with me that he shouldn't be left but thinks I should stay out of it. I'm leaning towards having a word with the preschool manager as I know whose sibling it is. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
NinjagoNinja · 13/03/2018 00:22

Mind your own business.

You're a busybody.

I don't hazard a guess you're not so much concerned for a stranger's baby as you are thrilled at the thought of getting someone into trouble.

pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 00:29

You were, heavyload. You said Your baby should never be out of your sight. It's not worth the risk
If you meant instead "I think MY baby should never be out of MY sight", you should have said that, rather than tell everyone else what they should be doing.

pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 00:29

You were, heavyload. You said Your baby should never be out of your sight. It's not worth the risk
If you meant instead "I think MY baby should never be out of MY sight", you should have said that, rather than tell everyone else what they should be doing.

SleightOfMind · 13/03/2018 00:31

If she did this outside our school, and was caught, the HT would have a word.

We periodically get reminders in newsletters to not leave unaccompanied minors in cars during drop off.
While I get that it’s a calculated risk, if it’s on a public highway, not a secure car park, you should probably try and have a word with the DM.
I doubt nursery staff will get involved.

MummySparkle · 13/03/2018 00:31

I think it really depends on the preschool set up. Is it a private car park or street parking? Can you see the car from inside?

pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 00:32

If she did this outside our school, and was caught, the HT would have a word

And she could have a word or two back, mainly consisting of :mind your own.

x2boys · 13/03/2018 00:32

What exactly do you hope to achieve from reporting it ?no its not ideal but the baby will probably be fine for five or ten minutes many parents leave their children asleep for longer upstairs (I never did as I lived in a flat , circumstances ..) Hmm

Aspergallus · 13/03/2018 00:40

We're not all the same...we all need to weigh up our own risks.

I pick up a 3.5 year old from the school nursery, then my 6.5 year old 10mins later. 3.5yr old goes into car seat, we chat then as the older ones come out I walk across the rural school car park, leaving youngest in the car. Now, I have had those looks from others, particularly those with younger siblings in tow...but:

I have had a spinal cord injury, my arms aren't strong...
My youngest tends to get over excited and bolt, which is frightening while school buses are coming and leaving...

So on balance, tucked in a car, tucked in a car park within my field of vision, works best for us. If I had a 9 month old who would settle I dare say I'd do the same.

Wintertime4 · 13/03/2018 01:02

My friend left her baby strapped in while she nipped into the local small supermarket- someone told the shop and they phoned the police. It’s taken more seriously than you think. My friend never did it again and the police had a really stern word with her.

pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 01:06

they didnt arrest her or caution her or actually do anything at all though, did they? so not actually very seriously

Wintertime4 · 13/03/2018 01:13

She was on record yes. What sort I don’t know. They have to now I believe for child protection sharing of info protocols.

NinjagoNinja · 13/03/2018 01:15

It's no business whatsoever of the pre-school manager. The car isn't parked on their property. Why on earth would they have anything to say on the matter? Didn't you grown out of telling tales when you left school?

Praisebe · 13/03/2018 01:24

They can choke on their own vomit or overheat and die! Hmm no one i know in their right mind would do this and i couldn't care less about the feelings of a parent putting their child in danger tbh

Wintertime4 · 13/03/2018 01:30

Mmmm there are some mean comments to the OP! I don’t think they are warranted.

When kids are concerned I think it’s neglectful to say someone should never raise a concern as it’s ‘being a tell tale’. That’s School bitchy talk! If there’s no issue then the Head won’t do anything. It’s fair enough to err on the side of caution.

pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 01:32

they truly cannot overheat and die in ten minutes in the UK. That is scaremongering nonsense. The chances of choking on vomit while sitting upright is vanishingly small. Its much higher when they are asleep in bed at night though, so I presume if your intent is to reduce risk you watch them sleep all night every night?

emmyrose2000 · 13/03/2018 01:33

Car is parked right at the corner of a busy junction on double yellow lines

Baby aside, the sheer arrogance in thinking she has a right to park in this location shows this woman in clearly lacking in good judgement anyway. Leaving the baby in the car alone is just the icing on the cake,

NinjagoNinja · 13/03/2018 01:34

Please tell me what authority the headeacher has over a car parked on a public road containing a child who is not a pupil at their school?

ScaryMary81 · 13/03/2018 01:37

I noticed a baby left in a car, quite some distance away. The baby was crying and I waited for the mother, who was in my son's class. She had been stood there waiting with me at the door for at least 15 minutes and didn't arrive back at the car for another 5, after me. I rang the school to let them have a word.

The year after on sports day, the same child was running about near a really steep hill and the teacher had to pull her and asked her to supervise her child, pointing to the hill.

Hmm
TheShaniaTwainExperience · 13/03/2018 01:39

My friend left her baby strapped in while she nipped into the local small supermarket- someone told the shop and they phoned the police. It’s taken more seriously than you think. My friend never did it again and the police had a really stern word with her

Holy crap! That’s crazy. The other day I left the kids in the car to pay for petrol and nappies- one got a bit tearful because he couldn’t see me- glad I didn’t find the old bill pulling me over 100 yards down the road Confused

5plusMeAndHim · 13/03/2018 02:02

A baby is strapped into a locked alarmed metal box.I think the statistical risk of harm crossing the road with the mother is much bigger

NinjagoNinja · 13/03/2018 11:19

scarymary81 I genuinely don't know why it is the school's business. If you had seen her do this on a Saturday morning when she wasn't going to school, would you still have asked the teachers to tell her off? Confused

If you saw someone do this on a public road near to a Tesco, would you ask the manager of Tesco to "have a word"?

Funny how all these years after leaving school themselves, some adults still see teachers as figures of authority who can tell anyone off anywhere at will!

whampiece · 13/03/2018 11:23

The chances of choking on vomit while sitting upright is vanishingly small. Its much higher when they are asleep in bed at night though,

This really isn't true.

A vomiting child whilst lying down will generally move. A child strapped into a seat can't even lean forward. They are bolt upright. I don't know about you but anytime I have been sick or witnessed anyone else being sick, the very first thing we do is lean forward. Being stuck upright and unable to move massively increases the choking risk.

LeighaJ · 13/03/2018 11:30

Pengggwn

"I can't read threads like this anymore because of the number of people saying 'risk assessment' like it's a thing you 'carry out' in real life. Unbearable. blush"

What, you mean you don't do a risk assessment first IRL for all your every day activities, like no normal person ever does? 🙄

3luckystars · 13/03/2018 12:12

Babies have died after being forgotten about in car seats.

If I saw one I would stand beside the car until the parent came back and tell them how dangerous it is.
I would have absolutely no problem doin this at all and I am a very shy and quiet person and would never ever give advice to a parent, except in this situation.
If they didn’t return in a few minutes I would definitely call the police.

I would without question tell the preschool that you have noticed this carry on and ask them to issue a warning.

I would not care what anyone thought of me.

pawpatrolearworm · 13/03/2018 12:21

I can't read threads like this anymore because of the number of people saying 'risk assessment' like it's a thing you 'carry out' in real life. Unbearable. blush"

It is something you do multiple times a day. Are you imagining someone sitting down with a folder and a calculator? Scarlet for you! It just means that you take a moment to consider the relative risks and benefits of decisions you make. You do it without conciously deciding to. Well, some of us do anyway, some clearly just live according to things they saw on fictional tv and read about on MN!

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