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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby in car outside preschool

214 replies

Rockandrollwithit · 12/03/2018 09:20

Prepared to be told AIBU and to mind my own business!

Every morning for the past week or so when I've dropped my three year old at preschool I've noticed a baby left in a car on its own outside.

I have a six month old as well as my three year old so I know how much of a faff it can be doing the drop off - the corridors are really narrow, lots of parents arrive at the same time and queue outside the classroom and it's difficult with a baby too. I take my baby out of his car seat and carry him in with me but it's still awkward.

Sometimes the drop off can take 10 mins or more by the time you are buzzed in etc, especially if it's busy and there's a queue to get in the classroom. AIBU to think the baby shouldn't be left in the car? He is probably about 9 months old.

DH agrees with me that he shouldn't be left but thinks I should stay out of it. I'm leaning towards having a word with the preschool manager as I know whose sibling it is. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
PiggyPoos · 12/03/2018 19:33

Of course people assess risk in real life, sorry would you like it described in a more convoluted way?

I would say in my opinion the minuscule chances of anything happening to a baby in a car whilst the mum nips the older kid into preschool is pretty much equal to the minuscule chances of anything happening to them crossing the road.

Pengggwn · 12/03/2018 19:33

PiggyPoos

I just don't like the expression - sue me!

PiggyPoos · 12/03/2018 19:35

Sue me is so much less irritating Grin

Pengggwn · 12/03/2018 19:36

PiggyPoos

Well, we all have our foibles...

PinkChestnut · 12/03/2018 20:19

Go with your gut op. If it's going to niggle at you and make you worry mention it to school and let them decide.

I personally wouldn't leave my baby in a car for a minute never mind ten! And those saying mind your business, I think when it comes to babies and children it's always better to be ott than too lax.

OlennasWimple · 12/03/2018 20:20

There's a big difference to me in doing it once (because baby is fast asleep, it's pouring with rain, the buggy is broken type situation) and doing it every day

And if she's parking on double yellow lines at a junction for ten mins every morning, that's wrong on every level.

I'd pop in to see the manager and say that you see a car parked in a dangerous place every morning and you're worried it will cause an accident, which would be particularly awful given that there's a baby sleeping in there as well....

pawpatrolearworm · 12/03/2018 20:27

There's a big difference to me in doing it once (because baby is fast asleep, it's pouring with rain, the buggy is broken type situation) and doing it every day

That's not logical. If you've decided its safe and fine one day, then it is safe and fine every day. If it isn't fine everyday, then it isn't safe any day.

People need to accept that other parents make different choices and they are usually right in them. It really isn't your business.

OlennasWimple · 12/03/2018 20:38

That's not logical.

Yes it is.

If the risk of something bad happening is 1 in 100, say, if I take this course of action 100 times the chances are that the bad thing will happen once.

pawpatrolearworm · 12/03/2018 20:39

Thats not really how it works.

Slat3 · 12/03/2018 20:43

This why I chose a childminder instead of a nursery. I leave my 7 mo in the car outside the house while I run the toddler in but it takes me literally 1-2 minutes! I couldn’t do it with a nursery as wouldn’t be prepared to be out of sight or leave for longer

whampiece · 12/03/2018 21:05

This why I chose a childminder instead of a nursery.

Seriously? You chose your childcare based on the minor detail of drop off over and above everything else Hmm

StarUtopia · 12/03/2018 21:09

I wouldn't do it. What happens if something happened to the Mum - and no one knows there's a baby in the car?

Mention it. I mean, it's not that hard taking a baby on the school run - is it?! Try walking in a 3 and a 4 yr old who both want to run off in different directions along a very busy road. Babies are pretty easy!

Slat3 · 12/03/2018 21:09

@whampiece
Clumsy of me, obviously not my whole reason, but yes a main factor was ease of drop off before work/etc.

pawpatrolearworm · 12/03/2018 21:10

I mean, it's not that hard taking a baby on the school run - is it?! Try walking in a 3 and a 4 yr old who both want to run off in different directions along a very busy road. Babies are pretty easy!
What about for someone that has the 3 and 4 year olds AND the baby?

ShawshanksRedemption · 12/03/2018 21:55

As it's an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk, I would say the car being parked illegally at a junction is the risk.

HeavyLoad · 12/03/2018 22:13

Someone I know did this to pop into a shop when their GD was sleeping in the car. When she came back there was a Policeman and a crowd of people stood by the car and she got a real telling off from the police officer and she was really shaken up after and felt terrible.

Your baby should never be out of your sight. It's not worth the risk.

stuckinagut · 12/03/2018 22:17

I do it - it's safer for both my children.

I leave my 1-y-o son in his car seat while I drop off my preschooler, BUT, only if I can park right outside the actual railings of the preschool with the staff in the playground (they are always playing outside at pickup time) so that he can see me as well as me him. I leave the car locked, and in sight of either myself or the nursery staff. If I cannot park directly outside the school I take him with me, but he is safer in the car than with me struggling to carry an 11-kg baby, grab my 4-y-o by his hand so he doesn't run off, with bags, and coats and wellies, etc. My preschooler is also safer because I can concentrate on getting him safely into the car. I simply couldn't run after him while carrying the baby if he decided to run off or run across the road.

Mummyontherun86 · 12/03/2018 22:20

Aside from whether the car is parked safely, I personally think we make lives ridiculously hard for families in this country with our risk averse culture.

It’s highly unlikely anything will happen to the baby.

I realise I’m in the minority on this, but I love it when we visit relatives overseas (modern, educated country!) and find so many social anxieties about kids just don’t exist there.

pawpatrolearworm · 12/03/2018 22:23

Your baby should never be out of your sight. It's not worth the risk

My baby is often out of my sight. Do you think I stare at her 24/7? Confused

What people can't compute is that there are risks everywhere. You have to assess them properly. If you are assuming that left in the car is a risk without thinking about it, you are doing a bad job. It might be the worst risk, but equally taking them out might be the worst risk.

A thing to remember is this: if you aren't considering things properly, but leaping to conclusions without risk assessment, YOU are the biggest risk.

givemesteel · 12/03/2018 22:53

PP have raised many valid reasons why this is not safe which are summarised as -

  • car catching fire due to fault as per the tragic incident in Reading
  • car crashing into stationery vehicle with baby in it
  • baby choking eg if it vomited
  • baby being taken (whilst unlikely, it could happen, child trafficking does exist)
  • baby overheating in summer
  • even without the above, baby being distressed and crying

I just don't think it's worth it.

Although I was surprised when my father offered to look after my baby as he thought I would be leaving my baby in the car whilst dropping off my older daughter at nursery.... But I think that is a generational thing (similarly my fil thought I'd leave my baby napping in the car on their driveway... Nope).

I would tell the nursery with the registration number and description of the older child if you know so they can try to identify the parent and resolve, they have a duty of care I believe to the baby. If there's a reason for the struggle it could be that they can offer to help in some way.

pawpatrolearworm · 12/03/2018 22:58

yes, and there are also many reasons you could list that would make taking them out risky as well!

Hit by a car while getting out of the car/crossing/on the pavement.
Dropped by parent
Snatched from parents arms (if someone is stealing babies in broad daylight and in public, it would be easier to take from you than breaking into your car first)

etc etc. The fact that you can't appreciate there are risks on both sides makes you a dangerous risk.

AlpacaLypse · 12/03/2018 23:24

If baby is out cold sleeping in car seat, securely strapped in, and you're going to be about 2 minutes offloading sibling, and vehicle is safely parked and secure, then she/he is probably happier and safer in the car than being carted out into the weather, over the roads, carried on one arm as other is holding tight to sibling as you cross roads and car park.

Even if she/he does wake up and get cross, babies don't actually die of crying for about 2 minutes.

We have to make judgement calls all the time as parents, especially if we have more than one child to care for. Don't beat yourself up, and don't let other judgypants beat you up mentally either.

HeavyLoad · 12/03/2018 23:48

My baby is often out of my sight. Do you think I stare at her 24/7?

obviously not - what i mean is I wouldn't leave my baby where I could neither see nor hear them. the gov website actually says that babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone.

I just remembered that tv drama The Replacement on last year - I don't think anyone would ever leave their baby in the car after watching that if anyone remembers ?! Although unlikely many people have to worry about a psychotic maternity cover stalking them.

pawpatrolearworm · 12/03/2018 23:56

Well good for you, that's your choice. It's not your choice to make for me.
I don't make risk assessments for my children based on tv dramas, and if you do you shouldn't even dream of advising others on theirs.

HeavyLoad · 13/03/2018 00:07

pawpatrol - I wasn't advising anyone on anything, i was just explaining myself after you quoted my post. The bit about the drama was obviously said in jest and not in response to you.

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