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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To continue a pregnancy st 46-7

288 replies

Spoog1971xx · 11/03/2018 23:13

That's it really... 46 1/2 years old pretty much menopausal and I appear to be up the duff. 😳 I ttc for 20 years ( finally got pregnant with DS at 41 with IVF) DH has azospermia. Now this happens. I'd love another child but aibu? I'm ancient and I have high blood pressure. The chances of MC are 50 percent,Down syndrome ? What if I die when the kid is ten? Jesus this is a turn up for the books. Aibu to continue this knowing there may be complications by the bucket load?

OP posts:
alltheworld · 11/03/2018 23:15

Yanbu. Risks are higher as you know but take it one step at a time. I know several women who had babies at 50

BanginChoons · 11/03/2018 23:16

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. Your pregnancy will need some extra monitoring but women in their forties can and do have healthy babies.

OhHappyDayz · 11/03/2018 23:17

Congratulations! What a lovely gift! If that were me, there would be no debate. I'd continue with the pregnancy and hope for the best. Having gone through infertility, there is just no way I could go through with an abortion, so I'd just have to accept this as an unexpected gift.

Good luck! Please keep us updated!

GummyGoddess · 11/03/2018 23:17

Don't be ridiculous, you aren't ancient! You could also be hit by a bus tomorrow. What does your DH think?

What additional tests would you be eligible for? You can have the harmony test done at 10 weeks and make up your mind once you've seen the results?

Allthewaves · 11/03/2018 23:17

Well your here now, you want another the rest is just stats.

YouTheCat · 11/03/2018 23:17

You are not ancient.

You could live to be 80.

Totorosfluffytummy · 11/03/2018 23:18

Take your time, talk to your GP about specifics x

Fruitcorner123 · 11/03/2018 23:18

Congratulations! I think you have answered the question by saying, "i would love another child" you've already taken the risk it's done now. Would you honestly be able to get over not keeping a baby you want just in case there were complications? Not clear how many weeks/months you are but you know there are tests and checks throughout so you won't be going into this blindly. 46 is older than average but not ancient!

Allthewaves · 11/03/2018 23:18

And your dc is like 5, that's not huge age gap either

ladybirdsaredotty · 11/03/2018 23:19

Really has to be your call. My DP (male) is 49 and we've just had DC3, although I'm younger. Anecdotally I know women who have had babies at your age but only you can weigh up all the possibilities. Good luck whatever you decide Flowers

CatchingBabies · 11/03/2018 23:19

As a midwife I've delivered babies to women older than you that have had perfect pregnancies and beautiful healthy babies, yes the risks are higher but the risks are also higher if you're overweight and no one would question overweight women having children. Enjoy your pregnancy and don't worry about the what ifs, no one can ever predict the future and I'm sure yours is long and happy. Congratulations!

Isadora2007 · 11/03/2018 23:19

Yanbu at all. Congratulations Flowers and here’s to a healthy and happy pregnancy.
Try looking at what your age and stage in life will bring to your baby in terms of benefits. I bet there are lots- stability of relationship, home maybe? Experience in life etc.

Sashkin · 11/03/2018 23:20

If you want the baby, keep it!

Given the risks I wouldn’t let myself get too excited just yet, and I’d be doing a Harmony test to exclude Down’s (I wouldn’t want to bring a child with SEN into the world when I knew I wouldn’t be able to look after them).

But I’d never terminate a wanted baby just because it was a risky pregnancy. You can have a high-risk pregnancy at any age.

PerfectlyDone · 11/03/2018 23:20

Congratulations!

No pregnancy comes with a guarantee of a successful outcome - only you can decide whether you want to take the leap of faith to continue this one, or whether you cannot go on with it.

I had DS4 aged 44 - we are both as healthy as oxen Grin

It is not that long ago that women had children from their teens to their late 40s.

ferriswheel · 11/03/2018 23:21

Im so excited for your wonderful news. xxxxxxxx

ladybirdsaredotty · 11/03/2018 23:23

(But no, YANBU at all)

Original poster
Spoog1971xx · 11/03/2018 23:23

Sorry if that was a big ramble but I've only just found out. My worry is if the child has something wrong with it I will be to old to care for it. I will be 67 by the time it's 20. I've wanted another since DS was born but was told it was impossible as my amh was undetectable. I've not told DH yet. He will be hysterical, he adores kids. I don't think he will be able to consider my worries as he will be bouncing off the ceiling

OP posts:
LexiGray · 11/03/2018 23:24

Worst thing that can happen is you lose this pregnancy but if you take the decision to end it I think you will always wonde what if. Take care of yourself, reduce stress if possible and make sure you will is up to date. I say that as I think anyone who is pregnant should have a clear plan of who would look after their kids if needs be.

PerfectlyDone · 11/03/2018 23:28

Take some time to process your unexpected news Smile

I have a 1:4 risk of passing on a genetic condition - the way I saw it, it also meant I had a 3:4 risk to NOT pass it on.
Risk/chance are just statistical terms; nobody can ever have any guarantees on pregnancy outcomes.

You either go for it, or you don't.

You sound so happy Smile - 'tis lovely.

LexiGray · 11/03/2018 23:28

You will find out more about potential abnormalities at the scans in particular the 20 week one. Maybe speak to your GP about your concerns and the options if problems are found st scans?

LeighaJ · 11/03/2018 23:31

Spoog1971xx

It's normal to be scared but just because everything seems like it could go wrong, doesn't mean it will.

That's how my pregnancy has been everyone thought I'd lose her in the first trimester because of my husband's genetic condition. They thought she could have the unbalanced version of his chromosomal condition or a disorder due to my age (37), or that she'd be underweight due to my medications for bipolar disorder or get spina bifida also from the medications. Everything has turned out just fine so far at 34 weeks.

My SIL's partner's Mother just delivered a baby at age 45, I think it did come early at 31 or 32 weeks but hasn't had any major problems because of that. I have 2 cousins who had healthy babies at 43 and 45 as well.

Kokeshi123 · 11/03/2018 23:36

I know mothers who have had fantastic motherhood experiences at 20, at 47 and everything in between.

I would not terminate a wanted pregnancy. Talk to your doctor about proactive steps like getting an amnio. Don't rule anything out at this stage.

thegreatbeyond · 11/03/2018 23:37

Women can and do give birth into their 40's. It's true that your theoretical risks are higher, but all you can do is try to relax and take care of yourself, maybe book a Harmony test.

LeighaJ · 11/03/2018 23:38

Also because of your medical history and your husband's as well as your age you may be eligible for CVS testing which can be done as soon as 11 weeks I think.

We were able to get an early scan at 10 weeks because of my husband's condition then CVS at 11.5 weeks. Although the placement of my placenta meant they had to reschedule until 13 weeks to get the right angle. We had a great genetic counsellor to help us through the process.

Rememberfluffthecat · 11/03/2018 23:38

No guarantee with anything in this life. Have your baby, cherish every minute. Congratulations xx