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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To continue a pregnancy st 46-7

288 replies

Spoog1971xx · 11/03/2018 23:13

That's it really... 46 1/2 years old pretty much menopausal and I appear to be up the duff. 😳 I ttc for 20 years ( finally got pregnant with DS at 41 with IVF) DH has azospermia. Now this happens. I'd love another child but aibu? I'm ancient and I have high blood pressure. The chances of MC are 50 percent,Down syndrome ? What if I die when the kid is ten? Jesus this is a turn up for the books. Aibu to continue this knowing there may be complications by the bucket load?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 11/03/2018 23:39

Take it day by day! Congratulations!

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 11/03/2018 23:40

You aren't that old, chances are you'll still be here in 20 years. You always have the 20 week anomaly scan to pick things up. You're only a higher risk, it isn't a given there'll be problems.

frogsoup · 11/03/2018 23:44

You and your DP would both love another child and you are up the duff. That's all you need to know really . Congratulations!

joangray38 · 11/03/2018 23:46

Congratulations, my great Aunt had a baby at 48, 53 years ago and enjoyed it more the second time around!

RainbowGlitterFairy · 11/03/2018 23:48

My mum was 49 when she had my youngest sister, apparently the pregnancy and birth went far smoother than having me (when she was 33) so you know, just because there's a chance things could go wrong doesn't mean they will.

From your posts the baby will be very much wanted and loved by you and your DH, that's a better start to life than a lot of babies get Congratulations.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/03/2018 23:48

You could have a baby at 20 and get hit by a bus a week later. None of us know if our kids will not have additional needs, how long we'll be around for. If you want this baby, go for it

Fruitcorner123 · 11/03/2018 23:51

67 by the time its 20 isn't even really that old. Most women live well into their 70s these days.

mumofmany81 · 11/03/2018 23:52

As a midwife I have delivered plenty of babies to women your age. You have been through infertility and struggled a long time to have a child and you say that you would love to have another child - that really is your answer. If you really want the child then I think that having an abortion would have a massive effect on your life in a negative way.

Leilaniiii · 11/03/2018 23:54

Yes the risks are higher but the risks are also higher if you're overweight and no one would question overweight women having children.

That is a really, really good point. Go for it OP! Wishing you all the best.
And please update us.

HermionesRightHook · 11/03/2018 23:54

I think it sounds like you would love a baby and the things you're worried about are practical. And that's sensible, and a real consideration - practical is the stuff of every day life.

But there are tests you can have to find out about abnormalities and choices you can make at that point. And ZILLIONS of men have children at your age without giving macabre situations a second thought.

I think for every pregnancy for every woman, you get to ask yourself: do I want this baby? Can I love this baby? Are there practical considerations that I can overcome? And whatever the answers to those questions you get to go ahead and continue your pregnancy if you want to have a baby.

FWIW I think it sounds like a wonderful gift and I wish you all the best.

NoKnownFather · 11/03/2018 23:54

Congratulations OP!! What if any mother dies when their DC is 10 yrs old? it can happen to anyone of us, at any time...life has no guarantees!! Tell your DH and you can bounce off the ceiling together.

MrsEricBana · 11/03/2018 23:54

Ah yes, congratulations and good luck. How lovely!

Witchend · 11/03/2018 23:55

Congratulations! My uncle was born when my granny was about your age. He's a professor now, and my grandparents lived into their 80s.

TheJoyOfSox · 11/03/2018 23:57

Congratulations, how wonderful for you, after all you have been through. I think you’re still in shock, but your lovely news has bought a smile to my face.

TheFormidableMrsC · 12/03/2018 00:03

Huge congratulations OP! I had a latecomer...it's fine. Perfect pregnancy, was at the gym every day til the day before birth, he's a gorgeous little lad, now 7. My 20 year old DD adores him. There are lots of "what if's" obviously but that's what all the extra testing and monitoring is for and you'll be well looked after. DS has autism, nothing to do with my age, all to do with genetics. My older mother status has given me patience and understanding that I wouldn't have had years ago. Embrace it. Good luck

Kerala2712 · 12/03/2018 00:07

Congratulations! So did you have another round of IVF? Presumably it’s not accidental if your dh azoospermic?
Regardless of age a second baby is terrifying. Good luck.

redandsilver · 12/03/2018 00:10

I'm going against the grain here. I would not go through with it.

Not at nearly 50.

Sorry OP.

I feel that it's unfair on the child to be in their late teens/uni age, and lose their mother, (or have a mother that is elderly and possibly infirm.) Some people go on about elderly people they know being like spring chickens at 80, and running marathons and so on, but these are the exception rather than the rule, and most peoples health starts to dwindle at 70. Some people in their mid 60's...

Even if it's a natural conception, no.

Some people say 'yes you could die at 67 when your child is 19, but you could have a baby at 25 and get knocked down by a bus tomorrow.' But that is a very weak argument, because the chance of the child being an orphan at 19 is far greater if you have it at 50, than if you have it at 25. It's pretty obvious.

I think it is very, very unfair on a child to have it at nearly 50.

Original poster

Spoog1971xx · 12/03/2018 00:19

Kerala2712
No it's completely natural. DH must have found a live swimmer. I'm baffled. We don't even have a particularly regular sex life. I'm utterly shocked.

OP posts:

WanderingStar1 · 12/03/2018 00:21

I agree with PPs - embrace your happy news and keep fingers crossed. I had DTs (now 9) at 44 using IVF and donor eggs, as I married late (hadn't met the right man earlier) and then had an early menopause. The donor eggs meant I didn't have the same risk of Downs but everything else was similar to you - I now have two gorgeous DCs and couldn't be luckier! Yes - my DD keeps pointing out with evil pleasure that I'm the oldest Mum at school and older than some of her friends GPs, and yes - I could drop dead tomorrow through age related stuff or being run over by a bus or whatever - but bad stuff happens to all sorts of younger people too, sadly. And the plus side is that we already have our forever home, mostly paid for and up together, and - having worked for many years and had a great career, I am now happy and able to do a part time, less well paid (but interesting, fulfilling and flexible) job so that I can be a mostly SAHM and enjoy the DCs without the money worries or guilt. Think of the positives and enjoy your unexpected gift! (and later life pregnancies can be multiple - triplets, anyone... ) Good luck!

missnevermind · 12/03/2018 00:22

Going by your user name we are the same age.
I have 4 DC 20, 17, 8 and 6.
I was out at soft play with the younger 2 and got chatting with a Young Mum (21 with a 2 year old) who asked me If i was having any more.
I know I wont be and with my health it wouldnt be a good idea. But given the opportunity and a good wind behind me I would love to.

I suppose I dont feel as old as I really am. The children keep me young I think.

chocatoo · 12/03/2018 00:22

Congratulations! I understand your concerns but if I was you I'd go for it.

Fruitcorner123 · 12/03/2018 00:25

I feel that it's unfair on the child to be in their late teens/uni age, and lose their mother, (or have a mother that is elderly and possibly infirm 65 (the age OP will be when her DC becomes an adult) not generally considered elderly. OP may be infirm but of course may not. Interested in whether this would apply if the dad was 46 and mum was a lot younger?

JoJoSM2 · 12/03/2018 00:29

A little miracle :)

Life expectancy in the U.K. Is 81.6 years so you're likely to live for a very long time.

Do you know how far along you are? If you're worried about genetic conditions, you could take the Panorama test from 9 weeks or Harmony from 10. That way you'd know of any major genetic conditions from early on and take it from there.

It does sound like you'd love a baby so I'd just tske it one day at a time and see how it goes.

WanderingStar1 · 12/03/2018 00:29

To add to that - my DH is 5 years younger than I am but his DM was in her 40s when she had him - quite rare in those days. He was a bit mortified as a boy because his Dad was 10 years older again, and they seemed like old parents - his Mum had grey hair which I don't (and grown up kids) and seemed like a plump old granny. But she's still fighting fit at 91 and says he - and our DCs - have kept her going! So ignore the doom-mongers, what will be, will be - and hopefully you'll live 20 years longer just because of your kids .

Bananasandchocolatecustard · 12/03/2018 00:33

Congratulations, take the tests and see what the results are. You are not too old. My second was born when I was 39.5.

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