To continue a pregnancy st 46-7

[Spoog1971xx]

That's it really... 46 1/2 years old pretty much menopausal and I appear to be up the duff. 😳 I ttc for 20 years ( finally got pregnant with DS at 41 with IVF) DH has azospermia. Now this happens. I'd love another child but aibu? I'm ancient and I have high blood pressure. The chances of MC are 50 percent,Down syndrome ? What if I die when the kid is ten? Jesus this is a turn up for the books. Aibu to continue this knowing there may be complications by the bucket load?

Oliver the friend that had her last at 50, was that child conceived naturally? I hear these stories and yet what gets left out of the story is the fact the child was conceived via donor egg using IVF

*her first at 50 that should have said

OP, if you decide to do a test, I'd recommend the Panorama. It's available from 9 weeks and they test the baby's DNA for Downs, Edwards, Patau, Turner, triploidy and optionally for some translocations. They can also tell you the sex of the baby if you'd like.
They are not available on the NHS so it's a case of going for a scan and a blood test privately (all it takes is a small blood sample from the arm).

This sounds like a good recommendation.

All the PP saying you wouldn't like to be doing the school run in your 50s - the OP will definitely be doing the school run in her 50s anyway, because she already has a 5yo! I appreciate that extending the process for five years will make a difference - but it won't make that much of a difference.

OP congratulations.

I think some of the comments on here about older mothers/parents are well made, and I would not choose to have a child in my 40s myself. HOWEVER, there's a difference between avoiding pregnancy when older, and terminating what is actually a much wanted pregnancy once it happens.

You are already pregnant and it sounds like you want the baby, so go ahead. As others have said, anyone can have an accident or fall ill when younger.

For some perspective, I’m 55.had I had another baby at your age op, that child would be 9 and I think I could manage that quite nicely now.
I don’t envy you the early years and sleepless nights, but it’s still wonderful news and I don’t think you are old in your mid 40s.

mumofmany my hospital only offered surgical termination up to 12 weeks, after that my only option was medical management ie. taking the pills and labouring the baby out. I just couldn’t handle that and rang Marie Stopes who put me in touch with BPAS who explained what I had to do re. my GP and a referral.*

That has made me sad to read - it's the worst thing in the world losing a baby and you don't need things to be made harder. I lost a little girl 8 years ago tomorrow and I had to labour and deliver her. For me it was healing to see her and spend time with her and for others that wouldn't be the best course. You should be able to choose which is right for you. In a way I consider myself lucky that my little girl died and I didn't have to make the choice because it's awful enough losing a baby but to be put in the position where you have to make the choice of whether to proceed with the pregnancy or terminate is (IMO) far harder. I am sorry that the hospital didn't make it as easy as they could for you :(

Congratulations OP.

I agree that whatever choice you make will be the right one for you.
Talk to your GP. Talk to your partner. % are only that.

Think about how you feel most. It is your body, your life.
What would be best for you?

mumofmany the baby would have died in me regardless, or else I’d have carried her to term and she’d have died soon after she was born. I couldn’t cope with people congratulating me on a pregnancy and having to explain the baby was going to die. That really would be a thousand cuts every day. I’d started to show when I terminated and I just wanted the bump gone to be honest.

I’d had two labours previously that had resulted in my two healthy children. I didn’t want to ruin that experience. However I made a pact with myself that if I was going to continue to TTC at this age I had to be a big girl and deal with the possible consequences. So if there’s a next time and it goes wrong I will opt for MM.

I had my suprise baby at 46 and she's a healthy happy 10 month old. There is 27 years between her and ds1. The pregnancy was hard and took a lot out of me but it was worth it. We chose not to have testing as we knew of there was a chance of any problems they would show up in the 20 weeks scan and if she was a down syndrome baby then it would make no difference to us. I did worry towards the end but this was anxiety that she was ok and after 6 mcs and 10 years of secondary infertility I just couldnt believe how blessed I was. Good luck in whatever you decide

I don't wish to put a downer on anything but people keep going on about the harmony test it doesn't pick up all chromosome disorders my son has a chromosome deletion it was diagnosed at three and a half and he has complex learning disabilities .

OP please pay no attention to the posters saying having a baby at nearly 50 is a GRRRREAT idea. It's really not, for all the reasons I listed in my long post at the top of page 4.

They will all come out with anecdotes of how this person and that person they know had 3 or 4 kids between 43 and 53, and it was all brilliant, and sunshine and roses. There were no issues, every baby was healthy, every pregnancy and birth went smoothly, and the mother (now nearly 60,) is full of energy and beans and goes running and cycling regularly with her 4 little kiddies!

But the fact is it ain't like that at ALL for many parents who have a baby past 43-44.

Many of the people saying my post is 'nasty' and 'spiteful' would not even CONSIDER having a baby at such an age.

Nothing wrong with my long post earlier anyway.

It was just realistic. Better than some of the daft posts on here, saying how amazing it is to become a mother at 48-50! There are soooooooooo many reasons to not have a baby at that age.

Don't do it @spoog1971xx

Just don't.

Italwatsworksitselfout that’s a lovely lovely story, I appreciate you sharing 💐

And quit calling people a troll because they don't agree with the majority. It just makes people look silly.

Given that you will only have 5 year age gap, and your partner will be delighted, I think this can be counted as a blessing.
You're not too old (your body clearly doesn't think you are!), and attitude is everything. I had my last at 43.5. It was a very easy pregnancy, and I have never been asked how I cope, if I regret it, or if I'm his granny!

There are plenty of much younger people who aren't active parents, and don't lead particularly healthy lives. Will they be around for their children for the next 50+ years? My neighbour is around 30, and has 5 children. She is overweight, has health problems, and just can't keep up with her children at all. Frankly, I can't see her making old bones, and I at 53, am quite likely to out-live her. Having kids younger does not make you a better or more suitable parent.

In your shoes, I would be looking to have a CVS done if you can (will probably have to be private) as it will quickly show many of the age-related/chromosomal issues that can severely effect a baby. I had it done, and it was easy, not painful, and gave me real peace of mind

red you've made your point. You don't think OP should do it. Other people do. Leave the OP alone now; you've had a big say and she'll read your comment and either take it on board or disregard it.

It's starting to look like you have an agenda.

Menopause while you have a baby/sml child.... Id rather stick pins in my eyes.

Maiden I fully plan on getting myself on HRT even if we have to pay for the medication privately, so not every woman is going to plough straight into menopause without fighting.

redandsilver you can make your point without being rude and aggressive.

Thanks for the advice @sleepfreezone

You are so worldly wise and amazing.

@Greatduckcookery

Just because someone has a different opinion to the majority does not make them a troll. The Op needs support right now but that doesn't mean that everyone should be saying how wonderful it is and to go ahead with the pregnancy without some common sense being dished out!

Thanks duck

@maidenmothercrone

Menopause while you have a baby/sml child.... Id rather stick pins in my eyes.

Exactly. No-one I know would want to have a baby at 45+

Cannot think of anything worse tbh.

@Greatduckcookery

Just because someone has a different opinion to the majority does not make them a troll. The Op needs support right now but that doesn't mean that everyone should be saying how wonderful it is and to go ahead with the pregnancy without some common sense being dished out!

Thanks duck

@maidenmothercrone

Menopause while you have a baby/sml child.... Id rather stick pins in my eyes.

Exactly. No-one I know would want to have a baby at 45+

Cannot think of anything worse tbh.

@Greatduckcookery

Just because someone has a different opinion to the majority does not make them a troll. The Op needs support right now but that doesn't mean that everyone should be saying how wonderful it is and to go ahead with the pregnancy without some common sense being dished out!

Thanks duck

@maidenmothercrone

Menopause while you have a baby/sml child.... Id rather stick pins in my eyes.

Exactly. No-one I know would want to have a baby at 45+

Cannot think of anything worse tbh.

And now you just sound childish! Everyone has heard what you have to say now so off you pop.

Congratulations!

Take a deep breath and let the news sink in. There may be problems but you don't know that yet so wait and see. Have any tests you want... or don't have them if it's your choice.

I had my dd at 45. I'd have another if I could afford too even though I'm older than you.