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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jo Cox's Husband

336 replies

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 18/02/2018 08:15

I was really shocked and depressed to see this. It feels like an epidemic:

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/jo-cox-husband-brendan-cox-step-down-charity-a8215951.html%3famp

He's said some things about hatred since losing his wife that were so right - but now this has come out.

It's hard not to think all men are the problem when these stories are so frequent, even though I know that's not true from the lovely men in my own life!! I'm trying to see it as a positive thing that more women are being encouraged to report these things and that's why it's in the news more, as maybe that will help younger generations of boys to grow up NOT thinking it's ok to assault women.

AIBU?

OP posts:
OP posts:
birdsdestiny · 18/02/2018 08:23

I think what might help is if we actually believe these women. Those allegations have been known for years. Years.

Fosterdog123 · 18/02/2018 08:26

It's just so bloody depressing and yes, totally agree about actually believing women. Men should just be so ashamed of themselves.

FluffyWuffy100 · 18/02/2018 08:27

“While I do not accept the allegations contained in the 2015 complaint to the police in Cambridge, Massachusetts, I do acknowledge and understand that during my time at Save the Children I made mistakes and behaved in a way that caused some women hurt and offence. This was never malicious but it was certainly inappropriate.”

So to paraphrase, basically, I’m a massive pervy sex pest but I didn’t do it maliciously... that’s ok then! If it wasn’t malicious!

LifeBeginsAtGin · 18/02/2018 08:34

What a shame as he came across as the perfect husband and father.

I

ButchyRestingFace · 18/02/2018 08:36

His poor wife. Murdered when she was no age and didn’t even have the experience of a decent husband before that.

Dolphincrossing · 18/02/2018 08:37

Hmm butchy

I know what you meant, I think, but poor phrasing.

Boulshired · 18/02/2018 08:38

He knew this was hanging over his head, he had the choice to come clean ages ago or retreat from public life. But like many before him he believed himself to be untouchable. All the good he did in the last few years is tainted. Those poor children and the women who he showed no respect for.

WollstonecraftSpawn · 18/02/2018 08:40

The absolute brass front of some people. To take the moral high ground when he knew he was accused by multiple women. The mind boggles.

Those poor children. I wonder if they can survive this second blow?

Makingworkwork · 18/02/2018 08:41

I read that quote and thought how much is he in denial about his behaviour. He might have well said I was only thinking about myself so that is OK.

It amazes and angers me that crimes against women are treated this way. Could you imagine if it was not a crime specifically against women maybe stealing and the re-read that quote. That quote would not be acceptable but some how when it is man behaving ‘inappropriately’ towards a women it is deemed to be acceptable.

ButchyRestingFace · 18/02/2018 08:42

I know what you meant, I think, but poor phrasing

Zero ideas what you mean. Hmm

WilburIsSomePig · 18/02/2018 08:42

He's a hypocrite. I'm sure he's very sorry ... about being caught out. Those poor kids.

Dolphincrossing · 18/02/2018 08:43

Butchy, it sounded like the one thing women should want is a decent husband. Sod the successful career she had, beautiful children, the changes and the good that she did do, all women should want a nice husband before they die.

Perfectnight · 18/02/2018 08:45

He admits he was a sex pest in one interview.

ConferencePear · 18/02/2018 08:47

This is is so depressing. I feel as though I've spent my life so far under a misapprehension.

WollstonecraftSpawn · 18/02/2018 08:47

Butchy
I knew what you meant.

Silvercatowner · 18/02/2018 08:47

it sounded like the one thing women should want is a decent husband

I didn't get that from Butchy's post.

ButchyRestingFace · 18/02/2018 08:48

He knew this was hanging over his head, he had the choice to come clean ages ago or retreat from public life.

I thought he denied any impropriety in his previous post at the time - although he did leave.

He obviously was banking on the alleged assault in 2015 never coming to light.

Dolphincrossing · 18/02/2018 08:48

“Didn’t even have the experience of a decent husband” (before being murdered.)

I did.

Fosterdog123 · 18/02/2018 08:49

Butchy - what you came across just fine. You weren't dismissing any of her other achievements. This thread is about her husband and so naturally, you've focused on the marriage.

ButchyRestingFace · 18/02/2018 08:49

Butchy, it sounded like the one thing women should want is a decent husband

Maybe to you.

But certainly not to other posters who read it.

And it’s beyond me how you got that reading from my post. HmmHmmHmm

Fosterdog123 · 18/02/2018 08:49

#what you said

ButchyRestingFace · 18/02/2018 08:52

Butchy - what you came across just fine. You weren't dismissing any of her other achievements. This thread is about her husband and so naturally, you've focused on the marriage.

Thanks. 👍.

I’m unmarried, and desperately accomplished. Wink. So I certainly wouldn’t be thinking of marriage as the be-all-and-end-all for other women. Especially given what I frequently read on AIBU about what other women have to put up with. Sad

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 18/02/2018 08:52

To be fair it hasn't just come out - was reported in Press at time of her death, but was sat on as lots of cries from people (particularly on MN threads - saying now way it's untrue and just people trying to be malicious).

Thankfully, world has moved on and doesn't have such a knee jerk reaction and being taken seriously. There were posters acting all soppy over him on MN for sure - they should possibly look at why they were so keen to believe the fairytale they told themselves rather than what others were openly saying was known about him (via the press - so definitely not 'news').

The likes of him get away with it because people don't want to believe it's true as upsets a fairytale for them - so they make out the complainants are deluded or jealous. That's how abusers get away with it and why wider society is to blame, not just the people at the coal face witnessing it - why do they not feel they will be believed?

ButchyRestingFace · 18/02/2018 08:54

He admits he was a sex pest in one interview

Ugh.

Did he actually use the words ‘sex pest’? I saw that headlined somewhere but didn’t read the article.