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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jo Cox's Husband

336 replies

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 18/02/2018 08:15

I was really shocked and depressed to see this. It feels like an epidemic:

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/jo-cox-husband-brendan-cox-step-down-charity-a8215951.html%3famp

He's said some things about hatred since losing his wife that were so right - but now this has come out.

It's hard not to think all men are the problem when these stories are so frequent, even though I know that's not true from the lovely men in my own life!! I'm trying to see it as a positive thing that more women are being encouraged to report these things and that's why it's in the news more, as maybe that will help younger generations of boys to grow up NOT thinking it's ok to assault women.

AIBU?

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 18/02/2018 10:22

I don't know why anyone is surprised to see that another lefty male has turned out to be a hypocrite and a misogynist.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 18/02/2018 10:27

I know the facts. Save the Children had formal written complaints of sexual harassment about him from 12 women. He'd tried it on with almost every woman there. When challenged about his wife he said 'Jo is very open minded'.

HatsontheWardrobe · 18/02/2018 10:28

On the political side, the Left seem to think they are above everything. If this was a Tory there would be more uproar, demands for his head, rallies and Twitter would explode.

As much as I'd like to pretend this isn't true, it really does appear this way..

I've been looking back on some of the MN posts about Toby Young Alastair month, and comparing that to these threads about Brendan Cox.

HatsontheWardrobe · 18/02/2018 10:28

*last month, not Alistair!

Efrig · 18/02/2018 10:43

our future leaders

There has also been a problem with sexual harassment of women there very recently. The link is from two years ago, but the behaviour is unchanged at the present time.

The younger generations are no better than their predecessors so the disgusting behaviour is continued.

Efrig · 18/02/2018 10:45

just this last week

Arealhumanbeing · 18/02/2018 10:48

It feels like an epidemic

It is. It’s a crisis and it won’t be over until the last woman has had to go through that experience.

Those who don’t/won’t describe themselves as feminist, have a think.

PerfectlyDone · 18/02/2018 10:49

Well, I am as bleeding-heart liberal leftie as they come and I am disgusted, although not surprised.

I am actually getting quite fed up with the amazement expressed by so many of the recent revelations, be that Weinstein or charity workers abroad or now Cox - it's endemic, and rather than surprised we need to get angry and channel that in to change.

RJnomore1 · 18/02/2018 10:49

The allegations go beyond a few chat up lines and include grabbing a woman by the throats which is a huge issue.

I'm really disappointed. I never saw any of this at the time of the murder so I did genuinely think he was one of the good guys. The biggest issue I have right now is his continued minimisation of what he has admitted to. When is one of these men going to make a proper apology that doesn't seek to minimise or absolve them of blame?

I sadly suspect the answer is never as actually they don't think they've done anything wrong really.

PerfectlyDone · 18/02/2018 10:56

Many men who overstep the line and without thinking assault women think of themselves as 'good guys' because still being masculine and a man is in general associated with 'going for it' and being sexually proactive.

A lot of the very angry male confusion currently IMO is because this sense of entitlement and what it means to be a man is in question.
About time too.

PerfectlyDone · 18/02/2018 10:57

I agree with the following btw Grin

If a man is unsure whether he should say or do to a woman what he is about to say or do, he should ask himself how he would feel if a large fellow inmate in prison was about to say or do the same thing to him.

If it makes him feel uncomfortable, he should desist.

Easy, really.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 18/02/2018 11:14

Remembering the outcry on here when saatchi grabbed nigella by the throat but here we have some posters trying to discredit the daily mail. Apparently there guardian have hidden this story as per usual... I guess they may perk up a little when it's noticed what they have done.

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 18/02/2018 11:34

the leftie type with head in the sands are also guilty of empty vessel makes most noise ( not forgetting: shutting down debate and defining themselves by holding opinions that fit their politics before even casting a questioning eye).

I do hope some of them would like to think less romantically or black and white about political opinions making them a 'good' person.

Disclaimer: not all on the left - just the ones that believe in fairytales and tall Brendan princes.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 18/02/2018 11:37

^^ one would like to think they can but its like religion with some of them you see same posters on here, so blinkered and brain washed...

derxa · 18/02/2018 11:54

His arrogance was evident from the beginning. Poor Jo dazzled by this snake oil salesman.

MsVestibule · 18/02/2018 11:55

I made mistakes and behaved in a way that caused some women hurt and offence

Such a weaselly, non-apology. It's as though he thinks the women are just being a bit over sensitive. I note that he's not apologising for sexually assaulting several women.

surferjet · 18/02/2018 11:57

I’m shocked this thread hasn’t attracted more attention?
Is it because he’s a lefty & MN feminists care more about being loyal to their politics than they actually do about women?

Ebony69 · 18/02/2018 12:06

What he is reported to have done is abhorrent. Even admitting to inappropriate behaviour towards women, which is likely to be a minimisation, is unacceptable and inexcusable. However, (putting my tin hat on now) this binary judgement of whether this makes him a good or bad father, in particular, is so simplistic and should not define him as a father. If, for instance, he has been a father who has been very hands on, has been there for them emotionally, physically, even spiritually etc both before and after their mother’s tragic death, should all the positives now be discounted? What this revelation highlights is the fact that humans are complex with an ability to do both good and bad.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 18/02/2018 12:10

Is it because he’s a lefty & MN feminists care more about being loyal to their politics than they actually do about women?

Looks that way.

grannytomine · 18/02/2018 12:10

It is depressing, woulden't the world be a better place if women where in power or there were just women. Because we are all saints and never do anything wrong?

derxa · 18/02/2018 12:10

He may be a good father but he has zero respect for women and especially for his late wife. It is inevitable that his children will find out how he behaved and that can only cause them pain.

grannytomine · 18/02/2018 12:11

What this revelation highlights is the fact that humans are complex with an ability to do both good and bad Very true.

MsVestibule · 18/02/2018 12:13

surferjet I don't think that this is the first thread about it, so perhaps some people have already put their views forward?

I'm a lefty and a feminist and I'm appalled (although unsurprised) by this. Sorry that this doesn't fit with whatever agenda you have.

PerfectlyDone · 18/02/2018 12:14

Of course women are not intrinsically better people than men. They simply have less power, so historically have done less good and less bad, busy keeping house, you know Wink

Humans are complex - I totally agree with that statement. The ability to do good and bad, free will, the ability to look beyond ones own situation, all that makes for the freedom to make bad choices also.

UpABitLate · 18/02/2018 12:15

The words "sex pest" are very minimising, conjuring up 1970s sid james or something, bad behaviour but with a hint of well it's just how he is, and what can you do, and something that women just have to put up with from some men...

A "pest" is a minor annoyance.

They should be using words like harassment, assault,

That's my opinion.