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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jo Cox's Husband

336 replies

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 18/02/2018 08:15

I was really shocked and depressed to see this. It feels like an epidemic:

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/jo-cox-husband-brendan-cox-step-down-charity-a8215951.html%3famp

He's said some things about hatred since losing his wife that were so right - but now this has come out.

It's hard not to think all men are the problem when these stories are so frequent, even though I know that's not true from the lovely men in my own life!! I'm trying to see it as a positive thing that more women are being encouraged to report these things and that's why it's in the news more, as maybe that will help younger generations of boys to grow up NOT thinking it's ok to assault women.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TheAntiBoop · 19/02/2018 18:50

It sounds like he was a serial sex pest at save the children and was only asked to leave when a few women got together and threatened to go to the police

Hygge · 19/02/2018 20:00

AntArctic thank you, I hadn't found a number on anything I'd read.

One report just spoke of the one woman in America and worded it as though he left Save The Children because of that one incident.

The other reports just talk of "women complaining" or "several women" but no real numbers.

So it sounds like the full number isn't known, or the press are being very careful not to state it.

It's awful that it took a number of women complaining to Save the Children to force any action to be taken against him.

Jassmells · 19/02/2018 20:30

@Kikashi I read 12 as well.

Southwestten · 19/02/2018 21:00

But aid workers for God's sake, I actually despair. And I never knew a thing about the UN peacekeepers Derxa highlighted. Have I had my head under a rock? Why is this not massive news?

I agree tinkly

BonnieF · 19/02/2018 21:05

So yet another sanctimonious, self-righteous, preaching, virtue signalling lefty is exposed as a hypocrite.

Shocked, I am. To the very core....

RoseWhiteTips · 20/02/2018 14:20

Haha.

AmericanPastoral · 21/02/2018 11:45

Excellent piece by Sophie Walker about Brendan Cox.

beepthemeep · 21/02/2018 11:48

I saw this on Facebook last night.

Crude but absolutely right!!

Jo Cox's Husband
HatsontheWardrobe · 21/02/2018 12:06

american - thanks for that link, Sophie Walker nails it for me with this paragraph:

I thought of some of the men I encounter in my work as a feminist activist. There are old-fashioned, unvarnished sexists and then there are the ones who are blinded by their own sense of virtue. Like the man who stands too close to me when he comes to ask questions after a talk I’ve given. The man who explains the importance of his experiences because he cares about women and demands I stand in silent acknowledgement until he is finished. To show that while I may think I have power, he still has more. That I have just as much power as he lets me have.

bridgetoc · 21/02/2018 12:12

*So yet another sanctimonious, self-righteous, preaching, virtue signalling lefty is exposed as a hypocrite.

Shocked, I am. To the very core....*

So true....... Grin

Kikashi · 21/02/2018 12:21

Justin Forsyth worked for Gordon Brown alongside BC. Forsyth was made CEO of StC and brought BC with him. Forsyth had to leave StC over inappropriate texts.
What sort of culture was that to be working in?? In this BBC short piece a female worker says that complaints to line managers were ignored and she was told "Brendan is just like that"

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-43134265

To someone up thread who asked if Jo Cox knew - she must have done -it's a cosy little world at the top of charities/labour elite. BC says he spent a lot of time working on how to refute elements of the claims that he felt were untrue. He would have had to explain to Jo why he had left his job and the press had information on why he resigned.

Also, I read (but have no link) once that BC wanted to stand as an MP but it was suggested Jo stand instead due to BC's past.

LouiseBrooks · 21/02/2018 12:30

"And I never knew a thing about the UN peacekeepers Derxa highlighted. Have I had my head under a rock? Why is this not massive news?"

Southwestern
It was in the mainstream press and on tv news as well I think. A quick search shows articles in the Telegraph, Express, Washington Post as well as the Guardian. I remember reading about the abuse in Bosnia ages ago.

It's prevalent in every single walk of life, sadly.

Personally I never liked the look of Brendan Cox (don't know why ) and always though Jo seemed far too good for him.

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 21/02/2018 13:26

The reason it wasn't bigger news was entirely due to their contacts and "supporters" - very influential people .

No doubt these friends recommended them for the jobs in the first place and why the culture is long established - positions passed on to others that won't rock the boat and ask awkward questions.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/02/2018 13:40

I wonder with some men go into charity work very much to support an image of themselves as powerful. The great munificent white man sweeping in to save to save the poor black people. These sort of people are motivated by power and control but exercising their power through a charity means nobody looks at their underlying motivation.

Note - I think the vast vast majority of people who work in the charity sector are motivated by positive ideals and the desire to make things better.

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 21/02/2018 13:57

It would be interesting to hear from the locals receiving the support from such charities if they understand the vast majority of people would not behave the way some of their "helpers" have been.

The good people involved in charity work should be prepared to stand up and speak now so that a clean sweep approach can be taken - I don't see how confidence can be restored without insiders leading it and being part of the solution.

PavlovaPrincess · 21/02/2018 16:32

Just seen this on Twitter. I think it's from Private Eye

Jo Cox's Husband
AmericanPastoral · 21/02/2018 22:03

Pavlova - great summing up there of the reaction to the Brendan Cox affair. Thanks for posting. Sophie Walker makes similar points here.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 22/02/2018 06:47

Ah so his mate was a pervert too ?

God . The very idea that they are chairing forums with global leaders on the fate of Children and then sending WhatsApp to the young researchers saying ‘like how that skirt covers your arse jane’ (made that up!) is sooo depressing

Honestly have worked in the private sector for nearly 25 years now and have never seen this scale of misogyny and harassment

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 22/02/2018 06:55

They don’t have a fucking clue . They seem to have NO idea how their behaviour upsets women and shakes them . They dismiss it as banter and ‘inappropriate jokes ‘

They have no idea how rapey they must have come across

Someone sent me a dick pic (at
My age ! Shock) and it really shook
Me . I screen shot it just in case . It’s very unsettling to get these messages and actually shakes your foundations a bit

RabbityMcRabbit · 22/02/2018 09:31

There is a really deep and nasty current of misogyny and wandering hands/entitlement in charity and left wing organisations IME (from 1980 onwards)

This is true but not confined to left-wing organisations KiKashi. Years ago I experienced unwanted advances from a colleague that escalated and resulted in assault. I felt I couldn't tell anyone at the time as I felt no one would believe me. I would probably react differently today

nauticant · 22/02/2018 12:18

There's a parallel thread on this topic running in Feminism chat. This link was posted there:

www.opendemocracy.net/transformation/leslie-francis/silencing-of-difficult-women

It's a fascinating read.

AntArcticFox · 22/02/2018 14:41

Nauticant, I hadn't seen that article so thank you.

Wheresmyfuckingcupcake · 22/02/2018 14:51

The Eye, as ever, nails it.
Give me Jacob Rees mogg and his ilk over these lefty gobshites any day. At least he knows what he is, and is a lot less likely to put his hand on your arse when he thinks no ones looking.
Disclaimer: I would rather die than vote for Jacob Rees mogg

Kikashi · 22/02/2018 17:42

rabbity I agree. I didn't explain myself very well. I came across a lot of harassment in corporate organisations but naively thought when I moved to the charity sector that things would be more enlightened/regulated.

Stop I agree - no idea the effect it has on you. You are just meant to shrug it off or you are being a bad sport, frigid and puritanical.

beepthemeep · 22/02/2018 17:43

I see Forsyth has now resigned too