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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jo Cox's Husband

336 replies

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 18/02/2018 08:15

I was really shocked and depressed to see this. It feels like an epidemic:

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/jo-cox-husband-brendan-cox-step-down-charity-a8215951.html%3famp

He's said some things about hatred since losing his wife that were so right - but now this has come out.

It's hard not to think all men are the problem when these stories are so frequent, even though I know that's not true from the lovely men in my own life!! I'm trying to see it as a positive thing that more women are being encouraged to report these things and that's why it's in the news more, as maybe that will help younger generations of boys to grow up NOT thinking it's ok to assault women.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NemoMellie · 18/02/2018 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 18/02/2018 09:20

an 'idiot' makes him a very poor choice for people to entrust so much admiration in - don't know why people can't be honest - some clearly have a small crush on him/the fairytale of the sad widower that would make 'perfect husband' need to take a look at themselves.

Reminds me of Vic Reeves rubbing his thighs over female contestant - no different - and part of the problem.

I love men for sure and I've always be good at recognising a creep when I see him - I think because I don't have a fairytale 'perfect man' exists idea - men are same as us and a complex mixture good and not so good qualities.

Don't go soppy over them and let them get the power they crave just because they know how to use the charm.

If he was short, chunky with a lovely nasal way of speaking I'm sure his fans wouldn't be quite so shocked, part of the problem not part of the solution if you can't recognise that in yourself.

bluepears · 18/02/2018 09:21

i wasn't surprised he like a lot of labour people came across self righteous

ElsieMc · 18/02/2018 09:22

I think that what the women co workers said back then was absolutely true and they must have silently fumed when he assumed a saintly mantle. However, he came across very well, dignified and intelligent, a partner Jo and her children deserved.

How do Jo's family feel about all this I wonder. How terribly sad for them. Whatever happens they will have to continue to forge a relationship with him for the sake of the children who deserve love and protection at another difficult time for them.

ZBIsabella · 18/02/2018 09:25

The point is this conduct is not acceptable. None of us who want men like this to stop are saying most is necessarily a crime to be prosecuted but it's unacceptable and he was married. If you are not happy in your marriage you can instead choose to sort it out or if that fails divorce and after a decent interval find someone else. If he had admitted it I don't see how anyone can say it is "trial by MN". It is discussion of what he admitted.

I certainly agree with people above who say we probably need more women in charge, not men and then this might be less common.
My sons don't do this. My father never did this. My grandfathers never did this. Many man don't.

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 18/02/2018 09:27

Indeed Elsie, and that disbelief was all over MN and I found it very naive - didn't get involved in their grief fest which was much about Jo having had the 'perfect life' shed lost rather than a decent person having lost their life.

It was all out back then in public domain, but was well and truly swept under the carpet by the reaction of the "perfect life" brigade - especially on MN.

JunkRevolution · 18/02/2018 09:28

He'll be back.

aRespectableBureaudeChange · 18/02/2018 09:29

Women are part of the problem if they fall for the "perfect man" fantasy too - no one has wanted to believe his complainants until now.

trojanpony · 18/02/2018 09:30

This happened in 2015???
So presumably 18months or so before she was murdered and after he had his children.

This man is a disgrace... and the part about
“This was never malicious but it was certainly inappropriate“ gives me the rage Angry

Shoppingwithmother · 18/02/2018 09:30

Butchy, I know exactly what you meant and I agree. And anyway, given that she presumably did want a husband (given that she was married), I don’t think it’s too presumptuous to think that she probably would have wanted a decent one!

In my view, someone cannot do things like this and still be termed a good husband and father.

I heard about this at the time of Jo Cox’s dearh, and couldn’t believe what a massive hypocrite he was.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/02/2018 09:34

How do you know Grill, you don't know me. Yes it is sad, the word depressing can be used in a number of ways, not just meaning mental health issues. Yes it was upsetting to see after Trump's inaugration, a line of men chosen to discuss and make decisions on women's bodies and fertility. It is true, the major decisions in the world are made by men.

Original poster
itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 18/02/2018 09:35

Grilled - glad you think assaulting women is a cause for flippancy.

Personally I don't.

OP posts:
lljkk · 18/02/2018 09:42

How can he be a good husband and father if he's assaulted women?

Accusation is not proof, btw.
Talking nicely & saying things on radio didn't prove he was good dad or father, either.

But He can be both. I guess it's hard to get head around, but it used to be considered normal. Nobody was free from sin. People compartmentalise their lives. Modern world we try to insist on all good or all bad. Reality, most people are a mix.

Look at Thomas Jefferson. He wrote some brilliant enlightened things. He did some terrible things. I'll wager this mix is more the norm than the exception.

Thisusernamethingistricky · 18/02/2018 09:55

Actually he’s now facing trial by MN. None of us know the facts. There is no suggestion he wasn’t a good husband and father.
My reading is that he potentially came on to a couple of women in a drunken, inappropriate way. That doesn’t make him anything other than an idiot. He’s not been found guilty of anything.

Why are you minimising his behaviour like this? Good husband and father my arse.

Yes, I noticed the 'whilst I was away on half term' thing as well - how fucking manipulative.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/02/2018 09:57

I think you will find that he is being scrutinized by more than Mumsnet!

TerfsUp · 18/02/2018 10:01

How sad.

Annabelle4 · 18/02/2018 10:06

I have no words Angry

TheAntiBoop · 18/02/2018 10:10

I find it sad that men's behaviour is judged based on how much people like them/their political leaning. This thread would be going very differently if he were a Tory

He held a woman against a wall by the throat because she turned down his advances. Does him being on the left politically make that ok?

PerfectlyDone · 18/02/2018 10:12

It's not 'all men are rubbish', it's the society we are all living in is rubbish and that allows such behaviour to be not recognised/tolerated/sometimes encouraged/minimised.

'Not all men are like that' aka NAMALT is of course true but does not detract from the values that we are all intrinsically affected by.

PavlovaPrincess · 18/02/2018 10:15

My reading is that he potentially came on to a couple of women in a drunken, inappropriate way. That doesn’t make him anything other than an idiot. He’s not been found guilty of anything.

He allegedly held a woman by the throat whilst making lewd comments, then brushed it off as being 'jokey and flirtatious'. Apparently, according to him, it's the woman's fault that she perceived it as anything other than that.

He's a scumbag.

PavlovaPrincess · 18/02/2018 10:16

This thread would be going very differently if he were a Tory

Absolutely this ^^

LifeBeginsAtGin · 18/02/2018 10:20

He put himself in the public eye after Jo was murdered. He used his 'my family comes first' image to promote his cause and set up his charities. I'd say we have every right to discuss this.

On the political side, the Left seem to think they are above everything. If this was a Tory there would be more uproar, demands for his head, rallies and Twitter would explode.

lljkk · 18/02/2018 10:20

I don't unreservedly condemn the creeps on the right, either. Rest Assured, the feminists all hate me!! I find the Me Too/Time Out campaigns Boring at best.

Trying to remember who the creeps on right are... Michael Fallon? I thought it was outrageous he was forced to resign.

Harvey Weinstein is 100% creep (& a rampant leftie).

user1490465531 · 18/02/2018 10:21

Maybe not relevant to this thread entirely but their will always be division against sexes.
For example when I see building sites or road works it is entirely a woman free zone.
I think in society men still believe their superior due to this man creates ethos just listen to James Brown it's a mans world think the lyrics tell it all.

bertsdinner · 18/02/2018 10:22

He's a hypocrite. Dont care much for the passive aggressive non apology either.