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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting bills AIBU

255 replies

Morgan14 · 04/02/2018 20:38

My boyfriend wants to live with me and we are talking about how to split bills. I live in a nice house with my 3 DC so he wants to come and live with us in our current property. I currently pay all the rent and all the household bills obviously. He proposes that he moves in and gives me £70 per week towards bills (he works full time and earns considerably more than me) and that he will give me a card to his account that I can draw extra money out if I need it. To me this feels demeaning. I don't want to ask him if I can draw extra money. I'm not sure how it makes me feel but it doesn't feel good. AIBU??

OP posts:
newnamechange84 · 04/02/2018 20:40

He wants to live for £240 a month? He's having an absolute laugh! I'd say him paying a third would be more realistic. If he wants to become a proper part of your family then he needs to take some financial responsibility on for that family too.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 04/02/2018 20:41

I burst out laughing when I read this.

For god's sake, this man is a wannabe cocklodger. He's shown his true colours - end the relationship now.

NotWithABang · 04/02/2018 20:41

YANBU! IMO and my experience, if you move in together he is choosing to take on all of you, and finances should reflect that. £70 a week is insulting. He should be paying at least half of everything.
I live with my DP who isn't my DS bio father (even though in every other sense he is) and we have one joint acct where all bills go out of, we put into savings jointly and then we have equal spending money for the month. He earns a lot more than me so I feel happy having all our money together.

StealthPolarBear · 04/02/2018 20:41

Yanbu

GabriellaMontez · 04/02/2018 20:42

How much is rent and bills? How has he arrived at this figure?

LML83 · 04/02/2018 20:42

Add up the bills and work out what half is. Then how far off the mark is £70 per wk? if it is only slightly different you may not be bothered. Or you could suggest a bit more.

If he is giving you a card it doesn't sound like you would have to ask. Though I understand you might feel awkward taking his money.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 04/02/2018 20:43

He's clearly thought of the lowest figure she might accept. He probably wanted to go for £50 pw but begrudgingly thought he'd do her a huge favour and make it £70.

SweetMoon · 04/02/2018 20:43

Surely it should be 50/50? Unless he's moving in as a lodger!

restingbemusedface · 04/02/2018 20:43

How much is rent and bills for you currently without him living there?

expatinscotland · 04/02/2018 20:43

Erm, nope.

'and that he will give me a card to his account that I can draw extra money out if I need it. To me this feels demeaning. I don't want to ask him if I can draw extra money. I'm not sure how it makes me feel but it doesn't feel good. AIBU??'

That is exactly what he's banking on, too, that you'll feel too humliated to confront him about piss-taking.

No.fucking.way.

This is very simple. 'I'm not ready for a live-in relationship just now.' Rinse and repeat.

babyccinoo · 04/02/2018 20:45
Shock

He is a wannabe cocklodger. I bet he knows you would rarely use his card.

He needs to pay 50% rent, bills and shopping!

Gemini69 · 04/02/2018 20:46

no chance Flowers

ruddynorah · 04/02/2018 20:46

Do you currently get single person discount on council tax? And any working tax credits? You'll lose them so add them into your workings out.

Original poster
Morgan14 · 04/02/2018 20:46

Rent and bills (not including food just direct debits comes to about £1100)

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 04/02/2018 20:47

That sounds like a great deal. For him.

He needs to pay half of rent, bills, food.

user1493413286 · 04/02/2018 20:47

Is he also paying towards the mortgage or rent? I think it’s fair for him to pay half the bills but less towards the food shop as that’s obviously very affected by the children. If he feels he doesn’t want to cover half the bills because they’re higher due to your children then you could reduce what he pays to a bit less than half but I’m not sure how much they would increase bills.
I don’t think he should necessarily be paying half of everything as if he was to just live with a partner I doubt he’d have the size house you have with 3 children (but I might be wrong on that) and I don’t think being with someone who has children means taking on financial responsibility for them.

Royalfuckup · 04/02/2018 20:48

Ok, so he pays you half of £550 and you use his card to pay half food bills if you go shopping without him.

LML83 · 04/02/2018 20:49

I would expect him to pay £550 and chip in for food. How did he come up with £70?!?!

Springtrolls · 04/02/2018 20:49

£70 a week?
Hahaha. Such a shame. He will have to stay in his current place.
It's not just about the rent and the bills.
The food, drinks, toiletries etc. They don't come for free.

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 04/02/2018 20:49

SEVENTY QUID A WEEK?!

He’s dreaming!!!! He splits everything down the middle and becomes part of the family or off he fucks! You’ll be loads worse off with him moving in in more ways than one by the sounds of it.

Please don’t agree to this. It’s madness.

petbear · 04/02/2018 20:51

Tell him to fuck off. £600 a month - minimum!

StellaHeyStella · 04/02/2018 20:51

Blimey! £70 a week? Is he currently living at home with mummy by any chance?
I bet he can’t wait to move his things into his your place op, it sounds like a good deal (for him that is)

expatinscotland · 04/02/2018 20:51

I know adults how live with their parents who pay more a week, OP. They have to because the parents cannot afford to keep them as a pet.

Nah, just no. Plus, how would the kids feel with this guy moving in?

NapQueen · 04/02/2018 20:52

What does he currently pay?

I think if you owned the home it would be crap to have to pay towards a mortgage that isnt his, however its a rental so he should be paying a third (third you third him third kids which obvs you pay).

Id also expect him to contribute to 50% of the food shop and 50%of the utilities.

Original poster
Morgan14 · 04/02/2018 20:52

Sorry forgot to put that he also has a DD who will be staying here weekends and holidays so it's not all just for my children. I don't think £70 a week is enough. But it's more the "here's my card incase you need to ask for more" that feels wrong

OP posts: