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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Splitting bills AIBU

255 replies

Morgan14 · 04/02/2018 20:38

My boyfriend wants to live with me and we are talking about how to split bills. I live in a nice house with my 3 DC so he wants to come and live with us in our current property. I currently pay all the rent and all the household bills obviously. He proposes that he moves in and gives me £70 per week towards bills (he works full time and earns considerably more than me) and that he will give me a card to his account that I can draw extra money out if I need it. To me this feels demeaning. I don't want to ask him if I can draw extra money. I'm not sure how it makes me feel but it doesn't feel good. AIBU??

OP posts:

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 04/02/2018 21:41

What does he currently pay? Is he otherwise generous and kind with money, time and resources? Your OP said, he wants to move in. Do you WANT him to move in? Please be careful.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 04/02/2018 21:41

As in, what are his current outgoings.

FlashTheSloth · 04/02/2018 21:41

The very fact that he ever suggested this as a serious proposition would make him moving in a non starter. What a joke!

Although having had chats with people in work, it seems surprisingly common. One woman, very capable, not a pushover etc, recently revealed her partner pays her nothing, earns more than her and she pays his petrol! Another woman's (who is manager level) partner hasn't been in work long, she has worked full time for years and fully supported them when he had finished uni and wasn't working, and now he is working she doesn't like to ask him to pay half of their outgoings, so she just pays more. Another woman pays 50/50 despite her partner earning more. I honestly can't get my head around how women are letting men do this. Please say you are going to tell him to fuck right off no OP?

BookHelpPlease · 04/02/2018 21:45

I would ask him to pay 40% of everything. To cover him and his daughter.

Not half as you and their father should obviously be paying towards your children. If you receive CM it should go towards bills.

1ndig0 · 04/02/2018 21:47

Where did you find him OP?

What did you say when he suggested the £70?

expatinscotland · 04/02/2018 21:49

You don't need to make him a spreadsheet, or point out what he already knows is obvious. You have 2 young children and a teenager. They must come first before any boyfriend or even your wanting to shack up with some guy if it means they are financially, physically and emotionally compromised by it.

And they are with this guy, already.

It is entirely possible to have a committed and loving relationship without living together.

And also with a person who doesn't take the piss.

TryAgainAndAgain · 04/02/2018 21:54

OP, have you actually got an amount in mind that you want him to pay? If you do then don't keep it a secret from him and make him guess you need to tell him.

What's the point of a relationship if you can't talk.

Crispbutty · 04/02/2018 21:55

Your rent and council tax would be the same even if you had no kids, so 50/50 there. Other utilities I would split 60/40 likewise the food bills. Add that up and add another bit on. He's taking the piss. How long have you been together and how much are his outgoings from his current home, and what is he bringing to the party,...

What happens at Xmas? Holidays?

scoobydooagain · 04/02/2018 22:05

My partner pays £370 a month all in but I didn't lose tax credits and I own my home so I didn't want him to have a claim on my home so he doesn't pay toward the mortgage, his children don't stay at weekends either. Your partner is taking the piss. At the very least he should be covering his and his children's costs and making up your loss in tax credits and council tax

Alwayscheerful · 04/02/2018 22:12

Tell this " gentleman" you have had a rethink and you would prefer to move in with Him and pay just £70 a week for the privilege. You won't have to worry about losing your council tax discount and tax credits, you will have lots of spare cash.

Glumglowworm · 04/02/2018 22:14

£70 a week is absolutely ridiculous! Ask him to explain why he thinks he should get so much spare cash every month while your money goes on rent/mortgage and bills?

As a minimum, he should be paying 1/3 of everything, but a decent guy who’s earning more than you would want to pay 1/2.

He’s supppsed to be your partner, making your lives together. Not an 18 year old living with his mum and not your lodger. An adult who’s making a commitment to you and to combining your families.

notapizzaeater · 04/02/2018 22:18

£70 really? Does he live at home with parents at the mo ? Has he any idea how much things cost ?

AJPTaylor · 04/02/2018 22:20

Dont do it
At worst he is a freeloading cocklodger.
At best he wants somewhere to take his dd for the weekend and has no idea of what stuff costs.

StripeyDeckchair · 04/02/2018 22:20

Whatever you do draw up a legal agreement between you before he moves in clearly stating financial responsibilities and who owns what.
I.e. If you own the home then he will not be buying a share in the house by paying you rent, what happens to any large joint purchases if you split up etc.

He sounds like a chancer and you should protect yourself and your children.

hadthesnip · 04/02/2018 22:24

I would take up his offer of the £70 & use of his card..............then put ALL you shopping on it & run up a big bill. He said you can use it so there is no deception. When he moans just tell him to pay you a sensible amount (£500 pm + half you'll lose in the loss of council tax rebate & tax credits) and you'll hand the card back.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 04/02/2018 22:24

I think some people are on the wrong track, suggesting the OP discusses this with him. He's shown himself for who he truly is and for that reason she should dump him. He's trying to take financial advantage and once he's in it will be hard to get him out. He's a disgrace.

bridgetreilly · 04/02/2018 22:26

I think he might be trying to be helpful with the card, so that you can get more money without having to go through him or ask permission, but just worded it really badly?

I would say he should pay about £500 plus food costs. But I also think you need to have a conversation where you talk about the total costs for living there and what's fair in dividing it up. If he's moving in, does that mean you want to start thinking of yourselves as one family, and in that case, should there be more shared finances? In which case, £550 each. Into a joint account, with some extra for food etc?

DriggleDraggle · 04/02/2018 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mawalls · 04/02/2018 22:26

Why should he pay half her kids food?

barefoofdoctor · 04/02/2018 22:27

Run for the hills OP and don't look back.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 04/02/2018 22:28

Do not move in with him. This proposed set up is perfect for him and his DD. Pile of shite for you and your DC.

He sounds a right catch

Tors33 · 04/02/2018 22:28

Is your house mortgaged or are you renting? If renting maybe instead of him moving in with you you should both look for somewhere together that way he will feel better 50/50 if it's a mortgage sit down and talk to him as it sounds like he maybe still lives with parents or friends and doesn't realise the cost of living alone I think reading your post it looks like u want him to move in the only thing stopping it is the 70 a week not enough OP talk to ur partner if he really loves you and wants to make this step then he will listen

honeysucklejasmine · 04/02/2018 22:29

Blimey, what is he on?! How much is he spending on housing and bills now? Why does he want to move in?

LondonLassInTheCountry · 04/02/2018 22:35

He pays the tax credits and the council tax discount that you lose for sure.

If its your mortagage, then i dont think he should pay that, as he wont get anything at the end of that, signed agreement in place tho.

Half of all household bills 100%

Marriedwithchildren5 · 04/02/2018 22:40

Why should he pay half her kids food?

Always one who completely misses the bigger picture.

It's a big commitment bringing him into your home. If it's a mortgage just split the bills plus some for shopping. £70??

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