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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting bills AIBU

255 replies

Morgan14 · 04/02/2018 20:38

My boyfriend wants to live with me and we are talking about how to split bills. I live in a nice house with my 3 DC so he wants to come and live with us in our current property. I currently pay all the rent and all the household bills obviously. He proposes that he moves in and gives me £70 per week towards bills (he works full time and earns considerably more than me) and that he will give me a card to his account that I can draw extra money out if I need it. To me this feels demeaning. I don't want to ask him if I can draw extra money. I'm not sure how it makes me feel but it doesn't feel good. AIBU??

OP posts:
YellowMakesMeSmile · 04/02/2018 21:09

I'm usually a big fan of 50/50 but with three children that aren't his I don't think that would be fair as he has no obligation to support them just his own child. Maybe 70/30 or 65/35 including food bills.

crownedbunny · 04/02/2018 21:11

He has no obligation to move in with a single mother if he doesn't want to support kids that aren't his. Op will be losing tax credits he needs to at least make up that shortfall.

Quartz2208 · 04/02/2018 21:12

So you will be worse off and he only gives you £70 a week

I think you need to add up the bills and take it from there

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 04/02/2018 21:13

No chance.

What does it cost him where he currently is, and what makes him think it's ok for it to be so little with you?

You need to sit down together and work up a spreadsheet of income and expenditure before agreeing a fair split. If you can't agree a sensible and fair split, don't let him move in

Bananalanacake · 04/02/2018 21:13

Why live with him. Can't you just have a relationship with him and keep your money separate.

PositivelyPERF · 04/02/2018 21:14

Ignore all my questions, OP. No way should you let this potential cock lodger move it.

APerfectSky · 04/02/2018 21:15

Hmm, I'm not sure he should necessarily pay half as you have 3 children there full time and he will only have his DD occasionally. BUT, 70 pounds is not really enough, especially as you will be losing tax credits etc. I would go through with him exactly how much worse off you will be (therefore this shortfall needs to be made up), plus the benefits he will get from living with you (not needing to pay a full rent/mortgage, bills etc) and you need to sort out food, is he expecting the 70 pounds to cover that too?

He may just have thought 'oh, an extra 240 a month will benefit Morgan and she needs to pay those bills anyway' and not really thought it through. Have a chat with him and say how you don't think it's really fair. I'm sure between the 2 of you, you can come to a reasonable agreement, especially if he earns more than you anyway, there's no real need for him to be so frugal.

lalaloopyhead · 04/02/2018 21:15

You need to be at the very least not worse off, so depending on how much your tax credits loss will be compared to his £70 offer - I would expect though to be better off by sharing your home with another adult -he will surely be much better off than paying for his own place!

CoalitionOfChaos · 04/02/2018 21:17

How much would you lose? Does the £70 even cover that?
Sounds like you'd be out of pocket if he moves in.
It's a big fat no way from me!

ADishBestEatenCold · 04/02/2018 21:20

"Yes I'll lose my tax credits and I'll lose my council tax discount."

Exactly how much will you loose?

yorkshireyummymummy · 04/02/2018 21:21

I’ll give you £75 a week. And do all the ironing and cooking.

Tell him that it’s not 1980s prices this week.

If he wants to come and play, he needs to pay his way.

Haffiana · 04/02/2018 21:22

OP, why are you worried about the using his card bit, rather than the massive disrespect he is showing you by offering £70?

Are you somehow scared to ask him to pay half of all bills?

1959free · 04/02/2018 21:22

Can i move in. I will give you £100 a week. And buy my own food

Bluntness100 · 04/02/2018 21:23

Gosh this is really bad, this man wants to take from you. You have a significant problem on your hands.

TryAgainAndAgain · 04/02/2018 21:23

Have you been dating a long time? It seems worrying that you both can't even work out things like this when you are planning to live together. Moving someone in to an exsisting household of four is a massive challenge at the best of times. If you can't easily resolve things like this it doesn't bode well fir the future.

Is there a reason not to carry on as you are and just enjoy dating rather than living together.

Wallywobbles · 04/02/2018 21:24

I think you make an excel spreadsheet with your bills on it. And food. Everything you can think of eg insurance, maintenance etc

Also put on the incomes.

So your sources of income
His sources of income.

Then you have your basics to play with. You can work out various formulae

  1. Ask him what % he thinks he should pay
  1. Give everyone a value.
Adults = 2 points. Kids under 10 = 1 point, between 10&20 = 1.5 points.

Work out how many days each person is there. Divide the total by the number of points.

So currently your family equals 5.5 points. Your current costs are £1100 without food. So £200 point.

He wants to add in his 2 points plus 0.25 point (for DD) So £1100/7,75 =£142 per point. He and DD = £320/month plus all the income you are loosing due to him moving in.

  1. Some other system based on incomes. Eg You both pay a proportional amount of your income.
midnightmisssuki · 04/02/2018 21:26

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA X a zillion.

Do not let this freeloader move in OP.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA X another zillion. He must be on drugs to even think this was a serious offer.

Ellendegeneres · 04/02/2018 21:27

I would throw this fish back, he stinks.
What an absolute tosser. How disrespectful. Interested to see also if this £70 includes food!

bluebells1 · 04/02/2018 21:28

Wallywobbles has the best suggestion.

usernameinfinito · 04/02/2018 21:29

FAB (find another boyfriend)

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 04/02/2018 21:29

I live in a nice house with my 3 DC so he wants to come and live with us in our current property.

What do you want?

AcrossthePond55 · 04/02/2018 21:31

He should pay 1/2 the 'hard costs' of running the household plus whatever you lose in benefits. Sorry, I'm a hard ass and there's no way I'd allow myself to come out financially worse off for the 'privilege' of having a man move in with me. Food's a bit harder because you're buying for 4 and he's buying for 1.5 since his DD isn't there all the time. That's something I may be willing to go 70/30 on as long as he doesn't eat like a horse all the time or insist on 'top range' toiletries.

And don't put him on the lease!

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/02/2018 21:32

If you're only charging £70 a week I quite fancy living with you.

Cocklodger wannabe indeed.

Tors33 · 04/02/2018 21:35

70 a week exactly where does he live at the moment as that's only 280 a month does he have his own place rent bills food I'm 100 percent sure he currently pays a lot more than 280 a month I'd say no you will end up paying more out than he gives u

Graphista · 04/02/2018 21:36

Wtf! Total piss take!

I live in a VERY cheap part of the country and a room in a house share is £90 a week! And that obviously doesn't inc food!

Does he pay maintenance for his Dd? Where is he living now? This sounds like a man who's never left home and has no idea how much life in the real world costs!

Do NOT agree to this. Even IF he agrees to pay a decent amount I would be very careful you're not taking on someone who expects you to do all the housework AND the majority of childcare for HIS dd when she's there.

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