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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting bills AIBU

255 replies

Morgan14 · 04/02/2018 20:38

My boyfriend wants to live with me and we are talking about how to split bills. I live in a nice house with my 3 DC so he wants to come and live with us in our current property. I currently pay all the rent and all the household bills obviously. He proposes that he moves in and gives me £70 per week towards bills (he works full time and earns considerably more than me) and that he will give me a card to his account that I can draw extra money out if I need it. To me this feels demeaning. I don't want to ask him if I can draw extra money. I'm not sure how it makes me feel but it doesn't feel good. AIBU??

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2018 20:52

That’s far too low. How did he arrive at that figure?

DriggleDraggle · 04/02/2018 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peachypetite · 04/02/2018 20:55

I think you need to add up what you spend on bills and rent a month and divide that in half. Then add some on for food.

crownedbunny · 04/02/2018 20:55

He's taking the piss.
Where does he live at the moment?
He needs to go 50 50. He will be giving you less than 300 a month and keeping the rest to spend and save for himself like a teenager living with mummy. I'm guessing where ever he lives now costs him more than 300 quid? If not tell me where he lives and I'll move there.
Do not go for this you know it's wrong.

expatinscotland · 04/02/2018 20:56

'Sorry forgot to put that he also has a DD who will be staying here weekends and holidays so it's not all just for my children. I don't think £70 a week is enough. But it's more the "here's my card incase you need to ask for more" that feels wrong'

It should all feel wrong. This is blending a family involving four children. That is a huge, major decision and he is already starting it by taking the piss. NFW.

pastachucker · 04/02/2018 20:56

Ridiculous. He should be paying towards the rent, not just the bills.
How old are your children? If they are 18 plus then they should be contributing too and therefore he shouldn't have to pay half.

Otherwise I'd be telling him he needs to pay around 500 a month or he can jog on.

LizardMonitor · 04/02/2018 20:57

I don’t think he should pay half.
Presumably the kids have a couple of bedrooms and are expensive to run. How old are they?

Maybe he should pay 2 fifths and you 3 fifths I’d rent and bills. That way each adult counts as 1, and the children together as .5.

But you need to look at what might increase: you will lose your council tax discount with another adult in the house. Do you get any benefits that would be list with a live in DP?

ShapelyBingoWing · 04/02/2018 20:59

Wow. Chances are you'd actually end up worse off if you let him cohabit for that price. Would you lose tax credits? You'd definitely lose your single person council tax discount. And the bills would actually get higher. All so he could live, all bills included, for signifivantly less than I paid for my first bedsit after I left home at 16.

ChasedByBees · 04/02/2018 20:59

Is the house yours? It might be good to make sure he isn’t contributing to it in a way which would give him any claim. £70 is ridiculous though.

Ontheboardwalk · 04/02/2018 21:00

I think £70 a week is a fair amount...

That’s what I used to pay my mum when I lived at home 20 odd years ago!

Please don’t let him move in with you, he’s taking the piss

LexieLulu · 04/02/2018 21:01

Will he be pay me for food shop or is £70 it?

He will easily up your food shop by £40 a week.... that's a proper piss rip

FrozenMargarita17 · 04/02/2018 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Springtrolls · 04/02/2018 21:01

So on top of funding his life you would also be funding his child as well? Nope. He can stay where he is.

And yes, good question about the housework and cooking etc? Does he see this as all your job as well?

Original poster
Morgan14 · 04/02/2018 21:01

My children are 14, 7 and 6. Yes I'll lose my tax credits and I'll lose my council tax discount.

OP posts:
ShinyMe · 04/02/2018 21:01

The bit that jumps out at me is your first sentence - "my boyfriend wants to live with me."

Do you want to live with him?

LexieLulu · 04/02/2018 21:02

Oh my gosh my sentence does not make sense! Sorry I was up all night with the baby

Will he be paying for the food shop?

PositivelyPERF · 04/02/2018 21:02

How long have you been dating?
Does he work when his dd visits?
If so, who normally looks after her and does he expect you to cook and clean for her, since you’re doing that for yours anyway. 😒
Don’t let him on the leash, even if he says he should be, because he’s paying rent, as you’ll never get him out.

NewSingleMummy · 04/02/2018 21:03

Is he pushing to live with you or is it something you want too?

Maybe sit down and work out finances together so he can see he's being a dick.

PeanuttyButter · 04/02/2018 21:04

I would seriously just laugh in his face at that.. £70 a week is he high?
He should be getting towards the 50% mark..40% minimum. If he’s not willing to help care for the kids then he’s not the man for you!!

NapQueen · 04/02/2018 21:04

Well id consider as a minimum expecting him to make up the shortfalls in your tax credits loss. Plus paying the extra on the council tax as these are direct costs to you of him moving in.

His food bill alone could easily eat up most of that 70quid so he would essentially be costing you. Not an issue if he, in turn, provides all the childcare and housekeeling saving you whatever you spend on childcare cleaner etc. But thats not going to happen is it.

PotatoesOfTheCarribean · 04/02/2018 21:05

Tell him to fuck off, cheeky twat.

Jdabbers · 04/02/2018 21:05

Errrr no! That's very cheeky plus having his DD there at the weekend.

Sounds like he's shown his true colours. Let him stay where he is... is he usually like this?

babyccinoo · 04/02/2018 21:05

He is trying to get away with not paying rent because you pay it anyway. It doesn't work like that!

Viviennemary · 04/02/2018 21:08

Just don't. He sounds like he thinks he's on to a good thing. Tell him to get lost. Cf.

crownedbunny · 04/02/2018 21:08

Do your tax credits include a childcare element? How does he expect you to afford childcare and carry on paying 3/4 of rent and bills. He will end up costing you money.