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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's stolen my wedding...

339 replies

daftpink · 27/01/2018 18:07

I feel really angry with my BF right now and can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not...

I am getting married in June - we're having a 'wedding weekend' and have hired a lovely large house & guest cottages with an indoor swimming pool, games room etc from the Friday to Monday for our 25 guests.

We have organised a meal on the Friday night, a BBQ Party for the Saturday after the registry office and then a chilled out pool party on the Sunday.

My BF also has her wedding planned for September - a more formal church affair with sit down dinner etc.

Only now, BF has announced that the wedding plans have changed as she is 8 weeks pregnant....and that she has just booked the same house and is planning to invite close family and friends to join them for a relaxing weekend away to celebrate their wedding - 5 weeks before my wedding!

Our friendship group is the same, so other than family, we will have the same guests.

Basically, now her wedding will be almost the same as mine, but as hers is first, I'm the one that will look like I copied her!

Aibu to be absolutely livid that she's done this to me?

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 27/01/2018 18:08

That is a really awful thing to do. Cheeky cow!

Phosphorus · 27/01/2018 18:09

I assume you've already invited your guests, so they'll know you were first.

It doesn't really matter, treat her wedding as a trial run/problem solving exercise. Grin

myrtleWilson · 27/01/2018 18:10

Am sure some may say you have no copyright on a wedding plan - however, I do think this is really bad form of your bf (assuming she knows details of yours) Has she acknowledged in any way that she's stealing your thunder?

Schlimbesserung · 27/01/2018 18:10

Does it really matter? It's hardly likely to be exactly the same anyway and surely the important thing is your marriage?

DillyDilly · 27/01/2018 18:11

Very poor form of her and I’d be sure to tell her your feelings.

helenoftroyville · 27/01/2018 18:11

That is a really horrible thing to do.

TrinitySquirrel · 27/01/2018 18:11

Tell her she's a cheeky twat. Outright. And then ring up the house and cancel her booking Grin

44PumpLane · 27/01/2018 18:12

YANBU that's a really shitty thing to do.

Is she so devoid of her own imagination she couldn't think of something else to do, or even some other similar venue.

I got engaged after, but married before, one of my oldest friends and when looking for venues she suggested I look at her venue. Even though we have no crossover friends I told her absolutely not, we would be married within weeks of each other and it was her venue for her to feel special in- It's such bad form!

DextroDependant · 27/01/2018 18:12

That's pretty bad! Least you have your invites out already so people will know you were first.

Lifeisabeach09 · 27/01/2018 18:12

Wow...friends like that, who needs enemies?!
Cheeky bitch!

Try not to stay too pissed off, you sent your invites first (I assume). It's a close-knit wedding so folks will (should) know the truth.

hidinginthenightgarden · 27/01/2018 18:12

It is rather bizarre that she would do this but I agree that people will know she copied because you sent your invites out way before - and if you haven't then do it right now!!

Elementtree · 27/01/2018 18:13

Yes YABU. It's a wedding not a unique showcase of venue and catering. Everyone will have a lovely time at your wedding and you'll be just as married at the end of the day as if your friend got hitched at a different place.

Newbieuser1880 · 27/01/2018 18:13

I would not be happy either. It just wouldn’t sit well at all.

I would let her know how you feel and check those plans are defiantly concrete.

DextroDependant · 27/01/2018 18:14

My sister married in the same venue as me but that was years apart. This is totally different.

specialsubject · 27/01/2018 18:14

Bit odd but why is it an issue?

Copying is a playground concept.

ShastaTrinity · 27/01/2018 18:14

YANBU to be livid, what a stupid cow. That would be the end of it as far as I am concerned.

You should attend still. The only consolation is that you can take note of all the things that will go wrong and improve for yours.

It sounds early to send invitations, if you haven't yet, I would make sure to take her off the guests list.

Funnyface1 · 27/01/2018 18:14

Tell her how you feel.

GreenTulips · 27/01/2018 18:15

Are weddings a full weekend now?

I'd be annoyed but you can have different experiences regardless

Tableauz · 27/01/2018 18:15

I'd be re-evaluating my friendship and whether I even wanted her and her dp to be part of my 25 wedding guests. People will know she's peed you off and work out pretty quickly why.

Passmethecakeplease · 27/01/2018 18:16

Whilst I'd try to see it as flattery I'd be upset too.

ShastaTrinity · 27/01/2018 18:16

I don't understand the comments about no one having a copyright. Of course not, but there are so many venues all over the country, why on earth would you chose the same than a close friend.

Same village church: perfectly normal
same village hall: possibly
completely random rented house or destination: very poor taste

Uterusuterusgarlic · 27/01/2018 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Agyne · 27/01/2018 18:19

Nope, I wouldn't go. And I'd tell her why not in very clear English.

ShastaTrinity · 27/01/2018 18:19

Are weddings a full weekend now?
They always have been if you have family and friends travelling from a distance. It is pretty standard to have a (very casual) diner the night before, and invite people again at least for lunch after the wedding. Guests are never obliged to attend, but some are grateful for food and hospitality after their trip.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 27/01/2018 18:20

Bit rude and dim of her to copy your plans; but what the hell is a Wedding Weekend?
I wouldn't go to one, let alone two.

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