Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's stolen my wedding...

339 replies

daftpink · 27/01/2018 18:07

I feel really angry with my BF right now and can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not...

I am getting married in June - we're having a 'wedding weekend' and have hired a lovely large house & guest cottages with an indoor swimming pool, games room etc from the Friday to Monday for our 25 guests.

We have organised a meal on the Friday night, a BBQ Party for the Saturday after the registry office and then a chilled out pool party on the Sunday.

My BF also has her wedding planned for September - a more formal church affair with sit down dinner etc.

Only now, BF has announced that the wedding plans have changed as she is 8 weeks pregnant....and that she has just booked the same house and is planning to invite close family and friends to join them for a relaxing weekend away to celebrate their wedding - 5 weeks before my wedding!

Our friendship group is the same, so other than family, we will have the same guests.

Basically, now her wedding will be almost the same as mine, but as hers is first, I'm the one that will look like I copied her!

Aibu to be absolutely livid that she's done this to me?

OP posts:
NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 27/01/2018 18:30

The least thing she could have done was to find another house (probably that is the solution, find another place that is nicer)

YesNotReallyNo · 27/01/2018 18:30

I'm suprised she was able to contact her formal affair and that the rental house was available

Why's that then?

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 27/01/2018 18:31

So has she sent out the new invites yet? Or has she just told you?

How did she say it?!! I mean. How do you tell someone you've booked their wedding

I was just wondering if any of the mutual friends knew yet. And what they had to say about it

It's so utterly rude. I can't believe she is a friend. I imagine a few people would be put off by the same wedding weekend a month apart

Shamoo · 27/01/2018 18:32

I too am normally pretty laid back, and think that people get wayyyy too excited and precious about weddings. But that is absolutely disgraceful behaviour. I would uninvite her from my wedding, and not attend hers.

PoorYorick · 27/01/2018 18:32

That's a really terrible thing to do. All the worse because it's really hard to explain why it's so terrible without looking like a Bridezilla. But it is a terrible thing to do.

Have you already invited your guests, or at least sent the save the date cards? If you have, never fear, because she will definitely look stupid.

DiscoSloth · 27/01/2018 18:33

I'd be fuming over this. What a cheeky bitch.

I can't believe that there are people on this thread who genuinely wouldn't mind if someone did this to them.

Viviennemary · 27/01/2018 18:33

That is just incredibly cheeky of her. I'd have no more to do with her or her wedding. Let everyone know what she's done and tell her as well you won't be going to her wedding and the friendship is over.

Original poster
daftpink · 27/01/2018 18:35

The only family we have coming are my mum and DPs Dad and 2 brothers so there will be a lot of the same friends as guests.

My invites were sent out just before Christmas.

I just can't believe she's done this. She came with me to see the house before I booked it and she knows how long it took me to find the perfect place!

We're going to 9 weddings this year, all traditional church affairs and just wanted to do something a little different.

I have no issue with her changing her wedding plans, or getting married first. I just don't understand why she had to book the same venue!

The house really is spectacular but now i feel like it's just not going to be the same.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 27/01/2018 18:35

Options are a rethink, ways to make yours different still at the venue or get those invites out ASAP.

It’s a dick move.

SparklySeaShell · 27/01/2018 18:35

Oh no, that's really bad!! I assume you're going to hers?

At least you can see how it goes and what to do/avoid and make yours better!

Darcychu · 27/01/2018 18:36

i would never talk to her again tbh, weddings are something intimate that you dont want shared like that, why couldn't she have booked a different place.

minionsrule · 27/01/2018 18:36

I'd be tempted to tell her you are changing the venue due to unspeakable things you have heard about it. Say you are sure it will be fine for her wedding tho. She will frantically be calling round trying to rearrange venues Wink

niccyb · 27/01/2018 18:37

I can understand her bringing it forward but to copy what you had arranged is a very catty thing to do. I would be having words!

DogTalk · 27/01/2018 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RowenasDiadem · 27/01/2018 18:37

Have you or your friends actually said anything to her yet? Upon telling me my instant reaction whould have been "Why the fuck would you do that? Copy my wedding?!"
Does she really think that it's okay?

gryffen · 27/01/2018 18:38

Tell her straight to the face that your unhappy bu6 also you will support her on the day and take notes for improvements you can make for your wedding day.

Aka - tell her to stick it in her pipe and smoke it.

PanannyPanoo · 27/01/2018 18:38

How many guests will be going to both? Treat it as a dress rehearsal, and enjoy the weekend.

Emmageddon · 27/01/2018 18:38

That's really thoughtless of her. Tell her how pissed off you are at her stealing your idea. I bloody would. Surely she can find somewhere else to host her wedding? It's only January.

ReggaetonLente · 27/01/2018 18:38

This is bad.

One of my friends ACTUALLY stole another friend's wedding though. Friend's engagement ended, they broke up, and she cancelled all plans, the venue etc. Other friend got engaged... and booked the same venue, same day. Think she even got a discount as it was a cancellation. Friend never said a word but I did wonder how she must have felt attending her own wedding day... but for someone else!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/01/2018 18:39

So what have you said to her? I honestly think it would be a friendship dealbreaker for me, for someone to be so uncaring about my feelings. And I am the least Bridezilla person ever.

Where is this house by the way, sounds ideal for my wedding in November?

MiddleClassProblem · 27/01/2018 18:39

Or tell her you’ve gone for a te noihydc wedding. That’ll throw her.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/01/2018 18:41

Reggae at least it wasn't the same groom.

bettydraper31 · 27/01/2018 18:41

If you’ve sent your invites out already then surely everyone knows you chose that venue first and she is the one copying you x

Biglettuce · 27/01/2018 18:41

Yes it’s a bit weird!

Definitely best to rise above it though. Go to her wedding and don’t say anything. But if anyone else does, say ‘Yes it’s a bit odd that she chose exactly the same place... it would have been better if she’d chosen her own ‘

I guarantee all the guests will be thinking less of her, and more of you. It reveals her, not you.

Orlandsundry · 27/01/2018 18:43

I would do what someone else on here suggested and think of her wedding as a dry run for yours. What could you do differently, what works what doesn't etc.
I'm quite old, but remember the most important part of my wedding day was that all of my friends and family were in the same place. The venue wasn't really that important.
You will have a whole lifetime with your DH and although this is all a bit annoying, it's your marriage and your family and friends that will make it for you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread